Who wants a man if he does not let go. Why a man does not want a relationship and at the same time does not let go. Using a girl for personal gain

This strangeness is inherent in the representatives of the stronger sex. And who said that women's logic is a complete joke? And what about the masculine - “I myself am not a din, and I won’t give it to another”? Agree, this behavior is no less amusing. At least from the outside it seems that way.

Although women who have connections with such types are clearly not laughing. Showing on the one hand indifference, and on the other - unwillingness to let go, the partner "dooms" the lady to a suspended state. Moreover, he often suffers from this himself - he feels guilty for his behavior and at the same time realizes his inability to take responsibility and break off relations.

One of the most common explanations for a man not letting go or holding on is… confusion. It would seem that a completely feminine trouble, but, alas, a representative of the strong half can also get lost in own feelings Oh. Anything can happen in life, and anything could contribute to sexual contact, which later turns into a love affair, and which a person may not have wanted:

• Setting (holiday romance).
• Excessive initiative ladies.
• Accident (under the influence of alcohol, stress, etc.).

If a person has a clear position about his family, then most likely the relationship will not continue. As a result, no one gets hurt. But this rarely happens, since the bulk of men are very susceptible to temptations. Wives and children fade into the background, and the mistress becomes the main object of adoration. And after a month or two, a person can suddenly see the light and even fall into shock from what he himself is doing. This is where the situation “I’m confused” happens - I STILL cannot refuse my wife, but I can no longer refuse my mistress.

The reasons why the chosen one does not let go and does not hold. In addition to confusion in men, there may be several other reasons that provoke this behavior:

• Habit. The person is so comfortable. He is selfish by nature and insecure. The fact that one's own comfort is above the feelings of both partners is beyond doubt. The mistress turns out to be just an option for sex, which is humiliating and regrettable.

Advice to the beautiful half: Do not humiliate yourself, you are worthy of real happiness and, above all, respect. This connection is meaningless. You're just wasting a piece of your life.

• Inferiority complex. Perhaps the girl is too soft, forgives her beloved everything, vows to wait for him all her life, etc. Impunity makes a man arrogant and overconfident in his own merits. A lover can even hear incorrect statements addressed to her. Why? Because he has a lot of complexes about his own importance and usefulness. And in order to take them out, one wife is not enough.

• Owner. Often in a love triangle, none of the parties (except the faithful, of course) is aware of the presence of each other. And God forbid that the secret is revealed, and the Casanova had to make a choice. Because by nature he is an owner, a person deprived of honesty and upbringing. His goal is to keep both passions by hook or by crook. And in the most unscrupulous way: impracticable promises, sincere conversations, complaints, oaths, etc. Chosen ones, as a rule, believe and wait. So, in anticipation, their life passes ...

What should passions do: wait or take the initiative in their own hands?

How does it relate to this type of male half? What if he seems to love, but makes you doubt?

First, deal with the palette of feelings. If there is love or strong affection between you, then it is worth saving the relationship. But it is imperative to find out whether the chosen one himself needs them? Or will they continue like this at the initiative of the partner? Sound arguments, as well as your intuition will help to suggest the correct answer.

There are thousands of examples when a couple went through a similar stage and finally reunited - the partner made a choice in favor of a new beloved.

Of course, it does not do without sad (for mistresses) statistics. Often a one-sided initiative does not lead to anything good - the couple breaks up, he returns to the family or finds a new hobby. Therefore, when making a decision, weigh everything. First of all, gather your thoughts and ask yourself how you feel for this person - are you confusing love with wounded pride or wounded self-esteem? Or maybe it's just an addiction and you need to heal yourself, and then make claims to another? Draw conclusions based on honest answers to these questions.

Some psychologists also advise finding out what psychological benefits you get from such communication. If there are reasons and if they are good enough, then a woman simply needs to realize this with a sound mind. After realizing, she may decide to stay with the person, only the experiences will no longer be so painful.

Also love relationship compared with a chess game - first the move of one, then the second. The rules are set before the game. Whoever starts first, leads the game. So, when a relationship is initiated by a strong soul mate, a woman often agrees, as a result of which she then suffers. When an attempt is made to change the rules and establish their own, it turns out to be impossible - it is unprofitable for a man.

Tip: If you cannot change the rules, approach the situation radically - change your partner. But first, consider what will be less painful for you - to stay or to quit. In doubtful situations, take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your novel, and then make a decision.

Time to put all the dots on i

How to put an end to it if the lover does not hold and does not let go? When a lover promises to choose between you and his wife, but does not, you need to understand that he will never fulfill the promise. Therefore, there is no respect for your feelings here. The lover is sure that you will not get away from him, because you love so much that you endure everything. And if not, it’s enough for you to hint that he will find a replacement for himself and you will submit again. Is not it?

It also happens that a person continues to communicate with his mistress (by phone), but constantly postpones meetings. Most likely, there has been another one here for a long time (that is, a third one), and he just keeps you in reserve. This attitude is even more humiliating.

Therefore, do not wait for him to trample you into the dirt so that you cease to respect yourself. Take action! The decision to break up should be made by you, not him. And let your “beloved” understand that you are not his property, that you are a person who has dignity and pride. But be careful - often the stronger sex, sensing something was wrong, begins to become active. Outraged that HIS property decided to become an independent person or, worse, to get a new boyfriend, a loved one can immediately rush in and tell tales about how he missed him. Don't be fooled. If you give up, he will turn on the old tactics, and you will wait another six months for a meeting.

Remember - it is better to put the point first. And it is better to put it on forever, otherwise the lover will torment you until you grow old and become useless to anyone. Of course, a man occupies not the last place in the life of a lady, but you cannot endure humiliation just because you are afraid to be alone.

Appreciate, respect, love, but only first of all yourself, and therefore already your beloved.

If there is a chill in the relationship, so that it becomes obvious that the man does not want a relationship, he does not hold the woman, but he does not let go, it is worth finding out why this is happening. Such a position does not allow two people to be happy - none of the partners is satisfied, which means that the situation needs to be changed. "Popular about health" will tell why a man does not let go, why he does not want to finally put an end to the relationship.

indecisiveness

Due to their upbringing, some men are indecisive and unable to make decisions. This often happens when a boy was brought up in an incomplete family where there was no father, or he was, but did not show masculine qualities, did not set a worthy example for his son. Such guys grow up indecisive, they are unable to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. They are used to the fact that others decide everything for them - mothers, wives, work colleagues.

In this case, there are two possible solutions to the problem - to leave the henpecked person or stay with him, waiting for him to finally decide and, taking all his will into a fist, will announce his decision.

Negative qualities in a companion

A man does not hold, but does not let go of a woman if he loves her, but some of her qualities still alarm the gentleman. Perhaps he continues to wait for time to see if the girl can change or if he can turn a blind eye to her bad character traits. It can be said that he gives her time to improve. If the situation does not change, and the partner’s patience runs out, a break in relations is possible, while the guy will become the initiator.

In this case, talking will help. If the girl herself knows about her shortcomings, then she could work on herself so that there would be no reason for her beloved to be dissatisfied. If she sincerely does not understand what is happening, why not ask directly - what is preventing your relationship from developing. After listening to the boyfriend, you should take into account his fears and claims and try to change.

Fear of being alone

It also happens that a man clearly sees that these relationships do not bode well, they are meaningless, but he is afraid to break off relations because of the fear of loneliness.

Such phobias occur in people with low self-esteem or those who were deprived of parental attention in childhood. Such guys will pull to the last until they meet another girl who will become a replacement for the first.

In this case, none of the partners will be happy, it is better to end the protracted situation yourself by offering to leave.

Typical womanizer

He doesn’t let go, but he also doesn’t hold a woman like a typical womanizer who has several girls. He doesn’t really need any of them, but with one he has great sex, the other takes care of household chores, and the third indulges in gifts.

Each is good in its own way. And the womanizer does not hold anyone, because he always has many options in his arsenal, he has nothing to lose, but he does not intend to scatter women either.

The importance of a woman in a man's life

There is a type of guys who do not care at all who is next to them, and whether there is a companion at all. They are passionate about something "more important", such as a career. They are only interested in a girl or spouse in terms of sex, to relieve and satisfy their needs, and also as a housekeeper. Why leave when everything suits - she cooks, washes, cleans, satisfies natural needs. But the man will not hold her either, if the lady wants to leave, he will find another. Such men are too narcissistic and self-confident.

Using a girl for personal gain

If a man does not hold, but does not let go, the reason may be that he still needs this lady for something. For example, one of the requirements of large companies is that an employee holding a serious position must be married.

Also, aged gentlemen do not let the girl go when they want to show their acquaintances and friends that they are still popular with women. If the boyfriend does not have his own income, he is happy to use what his passion earns. There can be many reasons.

If a girl suspected a selfish motive in a relationship, then it is best to initiate a break on her own in order to prevent the boyfriend from using herself.

Typical Pierrot

There is such a type of men - sufferers, victims. They will not make a decision to break up, but will wait for the companion to take the initiative, so that after that they will be tormented by mental anguish. Probably, such guys had “sad” stories before, which are known to the current lover. Young people with similar psychological problems hardly capable of making anyone happy, they subconsciously find the wrong couple, after which they find themselves abandoned and revel in their role as a victim.

If the relationship does not bring happiness and is close to breaking up, but the man does not put an end to them, but does not hold it, in each case it is useful to talk. During the conversation, much will become clear, then it will become clear how to proceed further. If the partner is looking closely or taking time for the partner to change, then there is a chance to establish relationships. In other cases, it is better to put an end to it.

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Svetlana, age: 36 / 10/15/2018

Responses:

Good afternoon Svetlana, you seem to be completely dependent on what your husband wants, but you do not make decisions yourself. To stop believing, you need to analyze the facts (not paying attention to emotions), how many times has a person deceived you? I say this because I myself went through the same swing of making a decision, he also comes with a ring and flowers, he hung huge posters with my photo on the fence, left wonderful letters on the car and said a bunch of beautiful words, but his actions were completely different. I really regret that I didn’t make a decision right away, but dragged it all out until the moment when I was beaten and I ended up in the hospital with a concussion. And even after that, there were beautiful words and the conviction that everything would change, only I already had my firm decision, based on his actions, and not on promises. Do not repeat my mistakes, do not waste time, energy. Learn to be happy on your own without him. And if you want to give him a chance, then put him your conditions. If he needs a family, he must prove it in order to return the balance, which has gone negative due to his deceit. For example, leaving a second friend, living alone, but not with you, taking care of children, etc. You might think what would convince you that he has changed. Until you see confirmation, it's best not to count on it.

Alena Muza, age: 45 / 10/16/2018

Svetlana!
Your husband's behavior is disgusting.
The man, as they say, opened up. Now you have seen it from a side that was previously hidden from you. You like? Would you go on a reconnaissance with this? Would you rely on such a person who rushes about like a chicken in the yard, unable to choose between his wife and mistress?
Suppose he chooses you. How will you continue to live? You will remember all this bargaining, all these comings and goings, how you were thrown out and changed like a thing, compared with another. You will be imbued with hatred, even if the person remains nearby.
So now I would recommend that you pull yourself together and DO NOT ALLOW yourself to be treated like this.
And, you know, you are already on your way to it.
“I” will wake up in you, self-respect will wake up - and you will give a turn from the gate.
And then another life will begin: you will grow, and your galloping husband will decrease. And one day you will realize that you have become different and you are not on your way with this person. And say thank you to God and the circumstances that you are free and your principles are high, and no one else will wipe their feet on you.
And believe me, it will draw attention to you. But completely different people. People who will respect, appreciate and love you.

Alexey, age: 39 / 10/17/2018

Good morning! I want to ask for your help and advice. My husband arrives tomorrow and tearfully asks to be allowed to come to us in the evening. How should I behave? The children miss him very much, so I don’t want to forbid them to meet. And I just started to calm down and come to my senses. A bunch of different feelings inside from anger and resentment to a terrible desire to see him. I still believe in my heart that he will come to his senses and understand that we are the meaning of his life.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 23.10.2018

Svetlana, perhaps you have already decided the issue yourself.
And it is right.
Everything is individual.
In my opinion, a quick rapprochement is the worst option.
Keep your distance and communicate that this distance is NOT YOU laid.
After that, I would just watch for six months.
If a person just has a temporary craving for you, it will quickly pass and the husband will leave again.
If it's something else, you'll understand.
Stop being an easily accessible alternate airfield.

Alexey, age: 39 / 26.10.2018

Thank you, you are right. There is no need to be a fallback and give him the energy he comes for. It will only destroy me. I need to think about myself and the children. They need a mother and an example of the right relationship between a man and a woman. It's time for us to get out of his life!

Svetlana, age: 36 / 27.10.2018

Svetlana, be aware that you are not accepting a husband, but someone else's man. Of course, he leaves - he's a stranger. And the key with which he opens your door is the children. Daughter 3 years old, son 1 year old? Forgive me for being harsh, but children begin to seriously ask about their father at the age of 4-5.
You just want him to come back and deceive yourself and others by hiding behind your children. I read your story, have you been with him since you were 15? Did you get married at 25? And until then, cohabited, not parting for a minute? Did he respect you then or was he just using you? No matter how bitter it is to admit, but he continues to do what he is used to and what suits him and suits him. My advice is to start with your soul. Go to church and repent for cohabitation. Maybe then it will be easier to keep a distance.
Considering that you gave birth to children at 35 and 33 (it’s too late if you lived from 15, it’s suggestive), it seems that he has already fulfilled his function for you and at a deep level you have already pushed him away, and dependence does not give you finally break up.

Pella, age: 57/10/28/2018

Good evening. I disagree about children. Yes, the one-year-old son does not ask. But the daughter always asks questions about dad, and I see that she misses him very much, all the time she tries to justify his absence by the fact that he has a lot of work, and as soon as he does everything, he will immediately come to her. She wakes up at night and walks around looking for him around the apartment. Sits on a chair in front of front door and is waiting for him. And this despite any explanations, neither mine, nor grandparents, nor even a child psychologist. She does not seem to hear that he does not live with us, but believes that he has gone to work and will return soon. And you think that this means not waiting?
About marriage and relationships. At the very beginning of the relationship, we agreed that we would get married after we graduated from the institute, get a job and be able to provide for ourselves without sitting on the neck of our parents.
Before marriage, we did not live together, but spent all our free and non-free time together, breathed each other, supported. With children, everything is more difficult, right after the wedding I became pregnant, but due to health problems I could not bear the child. We lost our baby during the long term of pregnancy. My husband took this loss very hard. After a series of operations, the last of which was in 2012, a very long-awaited daughter appeared in 2014. My husband was happy, our relationship became a hundred times better, although it seemed that it could not be better. At the end of 2016, we decided on a second child. I got pregnant quickly enough, I “departed” the first trimester well, and from the second, serious health problems began again, my husband was very worried. Well, apparently I found a “worthy” comforter ((((

Dear Pella! I kind of wrote that, yes, why, but your review touches me. There is something about it that I didn’t even think about, maybe, indeed, I have already let it go deep in my soul, but I am tormented by attachment, habit, deceived hopes and unfulfilled plans.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 28.10.2018

Svetlana, good afternoon!
Your attitude is reassuring.
You know what to do and prioritize pretty quickly.
This means that you do not sit and do not waste time, but have already begun to rebuild on new rails.
Alas, they are leaving our lives. Often exposing their unsightly essence.
And it is good that you can also leave and move away from the opening horror.
And understand yourself better.
Pain is the pain of growth. Transition to a new stage of development.
I sympathize with you and understand completely.
I went through the break myself.

Alexey, age: 39 / 30.10.2018

Sveta, if my review touches you, it means that I touched on something really important. You go to a child psychologist - that's right. But 3 years is too early for questions about the father. Probably, the daughter "feels you". He asks in your words. You need to pull yourself together, then it will be easier for your daughter. Otherwise, your pain will accompany her until she becomes aware of it and separates it. I'm glad you didn't cohabit. A worthy path, the more offensive it is to meet what is now. But you have nothing to blame yourself.

Regarding the long break between the wedding and the birth of children - that's something like I expected. And again, you can't blame yourself.
And about the "clinging" of my review ... You understood his disgrace and let go with your mind. Cold mind. Your body has received what a woman needs - children. Therefore, I am writing that at a deep level you let him go. The heart remains. Emotional attachment. You write - to believe and wait. Waiting is hope. There is nothing to wait, everything has come. But with faith... Spiritual attachment... It is impossible to believe in a person, to give everything to him. Because he may be weak, and you also need to take care not only of him, but also of your soul. consult with the priest, maybe go to the monastery. A trip to Diveevo at one time helped me. And the words - save yourself and enough from you. That's when you think about your soul, what it wants, then true liberation will come. Just ask her honestly and listen carefully to her answer.

Pella, age: 57 / 10/30/2018

Svetlana, I read about your daughter, how she puts a chair in front of the door, and waits, and I feel sorry for her, almost to tears. When I got divorced, my daughter was only a little over three years old. In the beginning, I saw her / took her to me at least 2 times a week. But despite this constancy, she still, of course, was very worried.
There were questions and tears, requests like "Dad, please try to live with mom again," and so on.

I think that, given the behavior of her father, it is especially important for you to strengthen yourself. After all, she really reads all your anxiety, all your anxiety. Out of love for your daughter - try.
I understand that you go to a child psychologist with her irregularly, but there were once or twice. Yes, even if regularly - if there is no inner confidence at home, faith in the future, that everything will be fine - where will the child find it?
Why do you go to psychologists whom bm slips you? Find psychologists who work in the spirit of the site perezhit.ru, or an Orthodox psychologist. Or just read perezhit.ru, there are ZSL courses: http://shkola.realove.ru/

Andrey, age: 39 / 30.10.2018

Andrei, no, my daughter and I have been going to a child psychologist once a week since March (as soon as her father began to behave inappropriately). And I was not with those psychologists who advises my ex-husband, while others. At first I started going to one, but he quickly understood where I was going and met with her. I found a second psychologist through friends. She is a very good clinical psychologist, but as soon as I went to her twice, he appeared there for the third session. I understand that a calm and happy mother means happy and calm children. I work on myself and on my attitude to the situation, but from time to time he appears in our lives, and completely unsettles me. I would like to completely step back and feel peace and joy from the fact that he is not in our life, but so far I have not been very successful at this. We came up with small holidays with the children and 3 times a week we arrange them for ourselves, we try not to depend on him. We are a family: me and my children. We lived honestly, did not betray or deceive anyone. I understand it all. But when he appears, plays with the children, my heart breaks into pieces, I want everything to be the same as before, before the “fairy” appears in our life.

Svetlana, age: 36/31.10.2018

Svetlana, it's good that you go to a child psychologist. But, nevertheless, it is very important for you to understand yourself. Children really feel the feelings of their parents. So it's like on an airplane - I put on an oxygen mask first for myself, then for my child.
I do not understand what kind of psychologists they are, and how it is consistent with the ethics of meeting with the ex-husband of their client.
Look for a good psychologist who will not allow himself to be influenced. There is a correspondence school of love - online - as an option: http://shkola.realove.ru/ And a forum: http://www.nelubit.ru/
You say he won't let you go. But this, Svetlana, is a delusion. So say people who do not know how to rule over themselves, over their feelings, desires, hopes. Like, the other / the other does not let go.
Yes, the behavior of the ex-husband makes your task more difficult. But if a person (i.e. you) wants to step back, close the door, he can do it. For some reason you don't want to.

Andrey, age: 39 / 03.11.2018

Andrew, good evening! Thank you, a man's view of the situation is very important to me. I really want to step back, I do a lot for this. But at times such longing covers me, thoughts appear that it can still be good, and my ex-husband will come to his senses. This is especially aggravated when he begins to go to the children every day and tell them that he will soon stop working so hard and will spend more time with us, which he loves me and the children very much. And then disappears again. I struggle with these thoughts. I think I've already made some progress. I don’t write, and I don’t call him, I didn’t do this before (after the whole situation was revealed), I blocked him on social networks. If he calls, I only talk to him about business. If he starts to translate the conversation into how he loves me, and how he is wrong, I stop the conversation and hang up. I try to spend more time with my children. I am still very unstable emotionally, but I understand that he is now telling me what I want to hear. And the actions, alas, they speak of something else. I am learning to take a sober look at him and his actions. I will manage, I will recover, my children and I will be the happiest, because we have each other. These difficulties are temporary. My pain is not so strong anymore, but it still burns me from the inside and there are times when I want to “howl at the moon”. I read a lot of information on the site and realized that at least a year is needed to recover and go through all the stages of the crisis. I feel like I've almost passed the stage of denial.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 03.11.2018

Dear Svetlana. Time will pass, not a little, not quickly, and you will be able to breathe deeply. How long it takes is up to you. This pain, separation, loss must be experienced. It depends on this whether your children will be happy, whether you will be happy. Now the daughter is bored, and after years, seeing her jumping dad and a tearful mother, she will say, "why, for what." Seeing an unhappy mother will hurt her more than now. The future of your children is in your hands. By accepting it back, you show that it is possible to live like this. And life is one, and you can't live like that. Listen to Alexei and Alexander, their masculine look, and the pain experienced will help you. Reread the advice of women who feel you with all their hearts. And this one, no longer yours, does not even think about the condition of your daughter. A little more such torture, you and your son will begin to take to a psychologist, if the strength and money remain. And he, the moral ... egoist, and his madam, will leave to rest. Strength to you and your family. God bless you.

Luchik, age: 39 / 10.11.2018

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Often women are faced with the fact that a man does not love them, and at the same time does not let go, forcing them to suffer again and again. In such a situation, it is important to understand the psychology of the stronger sex, because a partner can have many reasons for such selfishness.

A man does not let go: the reasons for a difficult situation

Why a man does not let go if he does not love is a difficult question, because the situation in each couple is essentially unique. Most often we are talking about the elementary instinct of the owner. The representative of the stronger sex is used to the fact that he has a faithful girlfriend, ready for many sacrifices for the sake of his attention. It is difficult for a man to refuse such a relationship, because he likes to feel his unemotional superiority over the one that is not able to resist feelings. What other reasons most often force the representative of the stronger sex to be next to the unloved?

The situation in which a man does not have deep feelings for his partner, but cannot let her go, is familiar to many women. Sometimes both partners get so entangled that they no longer understand why their relationship has developed this way.

Most often, it can be a simple habit or fear of being alone. In such cases, a man will sooner or later leave a lady who has ceased to cause his heart to beat faster for the sake of new feelings and emotions.

The correct behavior of a woman if a man does not love her

The realization that the second half no longer experiences deep feelings comes to the woman gradually. Guesses and resentments merge together, and the harsh truth comes to the surface. In such situations, a woman can act as follows:

• try to restore relationships, resurrect the feelings of a lover for yourself;
• break all contacts and try to start a new relationship;
• show the same selfishness, and continue to build relationships without feelings for a partner.

Whichever option a woman chooses, the first thing she should do is talk to a man. An ordinary conversation sometimes helps to dot the i's and understand why such a controversial situation has arisen. Many men are afraid of frank conversations, but the topic must be raised until the partner talks about his emotions.

1. The duration of the relationship, because the longer the partners are together, the more difficult it is for them to part forever.
2. Depth of own feelings in relation to the man.
3. The presence or absence of a common company of friends, children and property.
4. The behavior of the partner and his current attitude towards the woman.

If a man does not let go of his partner, this does not mean at all that deep down he feels something for her. Many ladies have been entertaining themselves with empty hopes for several years, expecting that the situation is about to change. If a man does not have feelings, then it will be very difficult to develop them, and for this you will have to make a lot of effort. It is possible to work on such relationships where only one person loves, either in the presence of very deep feelings, or in the case of a long-term relationship and the presence of a third member in them - a child.

If a man shows aggression, raises his hand to a woman, cheats on her every day, being generous with insults, you don’t need to grab this relationship to the last. The sooner a woman begins to respect herself, the sooner this tragic story of not mutual love will come to an end.

Another situation that occurs everywhere is the need for a shake-up. Some men one day come to the conclusion that they are bored with stable and lasting relationships. However, as soon as the offended woman leaves their life, the representatives of the stronger sex understand what they have missed. Sometimes a breakup is the only thing that can help a situation.

Can a man love?

Lack of feelings is a natural phenomenon, because even the first beauty may encounter the fact that the chosen one is indifferent to her. In such a situation, only one question arises: can a man ever fall in love. Psychologists believe that in such a controversial situation, the likelihood of tender feelings is extremely small. If a man uses a woman for his own purposes, if he considers relationships as a habit, then one should not wait for inciting vivid feelings. Such a person will remain cold, no matter what.

However, if a man does not let go of a woman, but sometimes shows tenderness towards her, then there is still a chance to save the relationship. A woman can only make every effort to resolve the problem as soon as possible. She needs to constantly emphasize her external attractiveness, show care and tenderness towards a man, try to fill the joint pastime with pleasant memories. In this case, sincere feelings can eventually arise.

A situation in which a man does not let go, but at the same time does not love, is not uncommon. At the heart of such a personal tragedy lies the fact that in fighting for feelings for this partner, a woman may miss a sincere and fulfilling relationship. Psychologists advise boldly breaking off relations with those who behave selfishly, aggressively and dishonorably. However, as long as one of the partners loves, the relationship has a chance to recover.

Olesya, Taganrog

Men do not immediately see their wife and mother of future children in their companion. And there are no complaints about this - this is absolutely normal. But what if the relationship became more than romantic and froze in place? After all, according to the logic of things, the couple should step to a new level. She should, but something is stopping her. Or rather, not something, but a satellite that begins to behave like a "dog in the manger." The woman is in limbo, and quite reasonable thoughts begin to overcome her: why does the man not want Serious relationships? Why does he keep his distance, but does not want to let go? How to behave and is it necessary to do something? Male psychology is very interesting, sit down, girls, we will understand this topic.

The most common reasons why a man does not want a serious relationship

Many women think that the reason for refusing a serious relationship is a banal fear. It's a delusion. There are many more pitfalls. There are so many of them that even the man himself does not know all his fears.

So, what are the reasons for not wanting to develop a serious relationship:

1. Unsuccessful life examples. If a man in the family has an unsuccessful relationship, or friends bend every day marital status- it leaves its mark. The guy sees that a serious step leads to disappointment and suppression. Then why do you need this step, if you are already perfectly together?
2. Habit. This is the option when a man is sure that you will always be there. He is comfortable, he is used to your food, meetings, conversations. You are reliable, cheerful, faithful, what else is needed for happiness?
3. Immaturity. Young guys rarely want to start a serious relationship, so when you start dating them, don't flatter yourself too much. Why would he? Parents give material goods, friends give comfort and fun, you give everything else. No one owes anything to anyone, life is beautiful.
4. Side pressure. Usually this is done by relatives or unlucky comrades. “You are still young, don’t do stupid things”, “You have so many prospects in your life, and you are ruining everything”, “There are still a lot of such beauties waiting for you, where are you in a hurry”, “You deserve more” ... The authority of parents, of course, is great, but do you need such a partner?
5. Indecisiveness, cowardice. There are always doubting men. And your relationship is smooth, and love reigns between you, but obsessive cockroaches in his head always tip the scales one way or the other.
6. Previous bad experience. A man is so overcome by fears and doubts that he is simply not able to let serious feelings into himself.
7. Companion's importunity. This is where a psychological defense called "resistance" comes into play. Even if a guy loves, he will not want a serious relationship just because the girl is too assertive and demanding. “All my friends are already married”, “You promised to marry”, “Let’s live together, otherwise I’ll go to someone who appreciates me more.” They run away from such annoying ladies without looking back, no one wants to be under the heel.
8. Polygamy. Not to be confused with a pathological womanizer. Such a man, in principle, does not see the need for marriage. This is a sultan who has the right to be in a free relationship with whoever he wants (in fact, he can have one girl, but he knows how to amuse his pride).
9. A man feels close to a woman of little boys. If a woman plays the role of a mother, taking care of him at every step (put on gloves, go to bed, you can’t have sausage, take care of your eyes), then there are few chances for a serious relationship. If, of course, the satellite itself is infantile, then you will be an ideal couple.
10. A man understands that you are not drawn to the role of a legal wife. Something in you is not for a serious life (slow, absent-minded, ignore his needs, lazy, dependent on external factors, have different interests, plans for the future). Believe me, this is even for the better, otherwise both will suffer.
11. Self-interest. He lives entirely at your expense: housing, vacations, shopping, going to restaurants, etc. Why doesn't he get married? But the main thing is not. Where is Love?
12. A woman suppresses a companion, treats him dismissively (forces him to do his homework, jokes about him with friends, ignores his requests, puts ultimatums in any conflict). Who wants to become half of a powerful companion? And why do you need a man obviously weaker than you?
13. Fear of feelings. This applies to inexperienced guys who are afraid of their strong feelings. This also happens, all that is required of you is to give him time to collect his thoughts.

There is another rational reason why a man does not seek to build a serious relationship now. These are material difficulties. The partner may feel shame or embarrassment at not being able to provide for his companion at the moment. This is normal, even right, because he is ready to take responsibility for your presence in his life!

The main advice is to look at things soberly. If a man is simply dismissive of you, do not look for psychological reasons in his behavior, they are not there.

If a man does not want a serious relationship, why does not he let go

This is a situation from the category: I won’t eat it myself, and I won’t give it to another. Such men are real egoists who behave exactly as they want, while keeping the woman in the dark and false hopes. Usually these are excellent manipulators - a guy may not call for a week, and then he will crumble in love confessions.

Why does a man not let go of his chosen one, despite the fact that he does not want a serious relationship with her? Let's not consider the option married man- with this and so everything is clear. He appreciates you as an additional link, but the wife always acts as the main one, no matter what stories they feed you (we will divorce soon, I love only you, we live like neighbors, I am with her for the sake of the children). These songs are always the same, believe me. Only in rare cases does a mistress occupy that coveted main post. Why doesn't he let go? Why? You raise his self-esteem, he breathes with you, feels desired, needed. A man fills the void that has formed with his legal wife. And that's it.

Other than that, the most common reason is convenience. You have common interests, you will always wait for him, feed him, hug him, caress him. You are constantly available - they come to you when they want and any behavior is accepted unquestioningly. When a man gets used to this, it is pointless to count on a more serious attitude towards himself. Letting go of such a woman is a sin - who else will treat him so unforgettably.

There is a second common option: a man loves his companion, but refuses to build a serious relationship because of the nature (habits, behavior) of his beloved. If there is something in you that stops him, he will hope to the last for your correction. Maybe you are too quick-tempered or sullen? Or refuse to cook dinner? You have 4 cats and he has allergies? Do you spend more time with your friends than with him? Think about it.

You can keep a woman near you for a number of other reasons:

• a man is simply afraid of loneliness (category 35+);
• fixated on himself, and comes to his companion only for fresh praise, a portion of love, recognition, clean socks or favorite borscht;
• he is flattered by this turn of events;
• confused in his feelings;
• has two women in mind, and each of them complements each other in terms of qualities and skills.

If a guy does not want a serious relationship, but does not want to leave, this is a dangerous trap for women. After all, the cunning man does not just keep his companion, he shows her his interest in every possible way. Buys her gifts, is jealous of her, takes care of her, gets angry. With his sudden attacks, he makes it clear how dear she is to him, pulling up an invisible thread in situations convenient for himself. But leave as soon as possible! Such relationships last as long as the woman will allow it.

man after divorce

Divorce is a big shock for men. It doesn’t matter for what reasons and on whose initiative it happened, the representatives of the stronger sex experience it painfully. If a woman can throw out her emotions to relatives, in intimate gatherings with friends, in her own transformation, then a man more often closes and even climbs into a bottle. Such unresolved traumas remain in the soul for a long time, leaving an imprint on further behavior.

A man is not ready for a serious relationship after a divorce for several reasons.

The first is that too little time has passed since the break. And if the divorce was difficult (division of property, insults, court, tears of children), then fresh wounds purely morally repel a man from a serious relationship. He resists, fears, rejects, doubts, does not trust the opposite sex. This will continue until the unpleasant memories are erased. If, moreover, a man still loves the former, the current one will lose to her on all fronts. Only his wife knew how much sugar he needed for tea, what his favorite color of tie, what to serve after a hard day's work.

The second situation is that too much time has passed since the divorce. This case is more serious, because the man has already fallen in love with his free status. He controls himself - eats, sleeps, plays at the computer, drinks as much beer as he wants. The lone wolf does not intend to change anything in his mind, and any conversations on serious topics are perceived by him too sharply. He defends his freedom and will stop any attempts to encroach on it. Here, a serious conversation is necessary, because an avid bachelor is sincerely surprised what bothers you in such a wonderful, stable relationship.

There is another option that a man does not trust his partner. Especially if ex-wife betrayed him. Or the last marriage was so unsuccessful that it introduced serious destructive attitudes:

• whatever you do for your wife - there will be no gratitude, response, praise, respect, support;
• the woman is constantly yelling, dissatisfied with everything, angry, disheveled, unkempt;
• all women become indifferent after a year of marriage;
• in the family they only know what to demand, reproach, roar, suffer;
• living together is a complete inconvenience, a violation of personal space.

Only a truly loving, devoted and patient woman can help him overcome psychological difficulties. Such life positions got stronger every year, so don't expect to fix it in a short time.

If you really want a serious relationship with a man, but the past sad experience interferes greatly, seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will help your chosen one rethink values ​​and let go of past grievances in order to take a step towards happiness.

If a man is afraid of a serious relationship

Adult fears are not formed on empty place. If a guy does not want a relationship only out of personal fears and doubts, then you have every chance to build a harmonious union. It just takes time.

So, if a girl is sure that love lives between them, but for some reason the young man is afraid to step forward, she needs to prove that they can be happy together. To prove not by word, but by deed, behavior, attitude. There are several recommendations from psychologists in this regard.

The first, main step is to let him know that you are a mature ally. There is a category of girls who, for any reason, throw tantrums, scandals, sob, take offense at little things. Such behavior is insanely frustrating and repulsive to the male gender. Ladies mistakenly exalt themselves to the rank of bitches, but with such individuals, fears of getting married only get worse. Try to moderate your ardor. Passion is great, but don't be too dramatic. Try to become for your partner good friend with whom he must have mutual understanding and trust. Then you can calmly pronounce further relationships and existing fears. Talk and decide, of course.

The second step is to be a mature ally, but a defenseless woman. Trust me it's compatible. Start needing your man. Let him take care, take care of you, give positive emotions. However, without whims and pointers, what and how to do! He's in charge, so give him the wheel. But for this to happen, you first need to learn how to please and surprise your partner. Start, he will be pleased, and he will definitely reciprocate.

The third step is to constantly develop yourself. A man is afraid not only of noisy, hysterical women, but also stupid ones. Your task is to always be interesting, exciting. It is necessary that the guy sees how much an original personality is in front of him. Then he will be completely absorbed in you, and will never want to let you go.

The last step is to have no inhibitions. A young man who does not want a serious relationship is afraid of losing his freedom. Show him otherwise! Let your man do what pleases him. Let him go fishing, go out with friends to a bar, fiddle with his motorcycle on Saturdays. The main thing - do not sit at home at this moment and do not harass in vain, otherwise the scandal is guaranteed. Keep yourself busy with something interesting, let the fourth step remind you of this. Learn to trust him, because if a girl is still sure that her partner will run to the left, why are they together?

This only works when the reasons for not wanting to enter into a serious relationship are fears. Then, step by step, you will cross the desired finish line.

How to behave as a woman

The beloved man said that he did not want a serious relationship, but wanted ease and communication without obligations ... Well, at least he said - at least your further behavior will be meaningful.

Yes, it is bold, frankly, but how to respond to such words? How to behave and are such statements normal? Such phrases are unpleasant, but acceptable in a relationship, because you are immediately shown the cards. Your task is to figure out what to do with these cards.

The first step is to have a serious discussion on this topic. Find out - does not want at all or right now? If now, limit the time frame. For example: let's meet (live) like this for 3 months, if nothing changes, we will have to leave. So the companion makes it clear that she refuses to waste time. This strategy is perfect for those situations if the couple already lives in the same territory or the chosen one is too young in age.

If your partner is repulsed by your behavior, find out what exactly makes him nervous. As soon as a woman rationally approaches this issue and begins to change, a man’s attitude towards her will change. He will see that you are interested in him, appreciate him, value him, and this is the main thing.

If the chosen one is with you due to the lack of another woman, say honestly that you are ready to become his faithful and devoted companion, but in the case of a normal relationship. Do not allow yourself to be used. This will make him look at you differently. Believe me, after that, respect for you will grow by 200%.

If a man ignores a serious relationship because he is fixated on himself, either accept him like that, be a shadow and a faithful companion, or become like him. Just fit the image of the queen.

If you are just an indecisive man, know that it will be like this all your life. There is no need to talk here, you just have to take matters into your own hands. Write an application to the registry office, buy him a suit, choose a place to rest. Exaggerated, but honest.

In all cases, is it necessary to talk and work on relationships? There are times when you need to run without looking back. These are situations when a man is guided by selfish motives if he is a typical womanizer or a neurotic person. Believe me, in these cases, the chances of a serious relationship are zero.

What action to take

So, a man wants a relationship without obligations. No matter what a woman repeats, and no matter how hard she tries to keep her face, it hits below the belt.

What to do, what actions to take so as not to bite your elbows later? Before you make a final decision, remember that this is only your life, so any step for you will be right a priori!

All a woman can do in such a delicate situation is:

• try to revive (stir up) the relationship;
• take the same position as a man;
• break up an unpromising romance.

We will not consider the second point seriously, since this is obviously a losing position. All that a woman achieves is to throw off a heavy burden of responsibility from a man, making his life even more beautiful. And she herself will suffer from this - that's how psychology works.

How to revive a relationship

Revitalizing relationships is a big job. It should be carried out only if love really reigns between people. Therefore, recognize in time what it is: fear of entering into a serious relationship or unwillingness? If a man avoids spending time with you, becomes cold in bed, gets angry, scandals and argues for no reason, becomes secretive, then, alas, you are dealing with indifference. Then it will be a completely different story.

If the relationship just froze in place, be patient. Patience is the most basic quality that you will need now. You must become wise, which means patient, supple, sexy, sincere, forgiving, faithful and stable.

The first thing to understand is that it is impossible to remake an adult man. You can correct his attitude to something, but nothing more. Therefore, no reproaches - it hits his self-esteem. Praise, admire, support. Let him understand that he needs you. You are a ray of light, without which it is still dark.

Become emotionally independent of him. You will regret, hug, praise, but I'm sorry, you have to get up early tomorrow and it's time for you to sleep. How can you do this to him - the center of your universe? Well, that's it, you are a planet on your own. Then the man will want to get closer to you so as not to let you slip away.

Agree with him more often. Smile playfully and agree. This will bring a healthy note of interest and puzzlement. Just let it be in adequate situations, otherwise a violent scandal is inevitable.

And of course, always surprise him. Be unpredictable in a positive way: in sex, behavior, reactions, words, gestures. Let him want to know you. Interest in you is the final step on the path to a serious relationship.

How to end an unpromising relationship

Realize that only codependent people endure oppressive relationships. And codependent people are not able to give happiness to others, nor to be happy themselves. They don’t like you, but they don’t let you go either, which means it’s time to leave on your own.

How to come to this?

• understand that a happy union does not depend on only one person, and you did everything you could in this relationship;
• a harmonious union is built only on love, and not on fears of being alone;
• sick relationships cannot be cured, even if you want to do it with all your heart;
• realize that, having become freer, you will find true happiness, because what is called happiness now is a surrogate;
• Having made the decision to leave, do it without negative emotions Only indifference can break the vicious circle.

A man does not want a relationship, but wants to continue to communicate? No and no again! For what? To walk again vicious circle? This is a "tight" relationship that will never grow into something more. They said they cut it off! Get mad at yourself in the end! You have only one life to spend on someone who will one day go to another without a twinge of conscience. And you? And you were warned that this would happen!

So, say you met someone else. Like a butt on the head, yes! If you try to be polite, babysit and quietly say that you just parted ways - nothing will work! He will persuade, build a victim or be offended, which will only make you feel guilty. Persuasion, pleading, calls, texts, courtship (believe me, they are temporary), empty promises are a thing of the past.

In order to think less and yearn, psychologists suggest surrendering to activities that are beneficial. Sports, work, study, gatherings with friends, spring-cleaning at home, a visit to your parents, a long-awaited trip, etc. Make a list of the shortcomings of a bad partner - in moments of despair, look there to make sure your decision is correct.

Then we begin to love ourselves. We paint lips, smile at others, put on our favorite outfits! Open your eyes wider, now your look says that you are a free girl. Live the life you want, date who you want, breathe deeply. No one pulls you by the short leash anymore, no one manipulates your behavior and mood. Can you smell the magic? It smells like freedom!

Psychologists say - if a guy does not want a serious relationship with a girl, most likely this is not the last chosen one in his life. Usually men dig the earth with their hands until they achieve that the desired woman completely belongs to him. If they infantilely declare that they want an open relationship, it means that they want them with you. Whether to accept it or not is up to the woman to decide. You can try, but it is unlikely to bring pleasure and happiness to anyone. Do not drag yourself into a quagmire of tears, longing and eternal expectation. Look at yourself - you are definitely worthy of full love. Let in your life there will be only one who needs you like air! Be happy!

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