Why do I meet married men. There are only married men. Reasoning on the topic: why I only attract married men

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Everyone in life has witnessed a situation where, after a long relationship, the couple broke up, and then the man made an offer to the “first comer”. Such behavior is surprising and raises a completely logical question: why does one woman not receive the coveted ring even after years spent together, while the other acquires the status of a bride literally the day after they met?

We are in website we tried to comprehend male logic and understand the issue that has been tormenting more than one generation of women around the world.

1. There is no suitable woman. The main thing is to be at the right time next to a man

In one of the social networks, an opinion was published that men do not marry at the moment when they meet the “love of their life”, but when they are ready to start a family. A Twitter user was interested in this theory, and she asked representatives of the stronger sex to comment on it. And almost unanimously, the gentlemen on the net admitted that Everyone has had a relationship that they regret breaking up., but this did not prevent them from marrying when a suitable candidate for the role of wife was nearby.

Eat another popular situation that pushes for marriage: if the woman the man was trying to woo marries another. In this case, there are no more chances, and if loneliness becomes unbearable, then the unfortunate groom chooses from available options. It turns out that men do not wait for a meeting with the “same one” and the marriage proposal will be received by the girl who will be at the right time next to the person who is psychologically ripe for marriage.

Best age to start a family scientists called the interval from 28 to 32 years. After this trait, the chances that a man will want to marry will begin to decline, and after 42 years they disappear.

2. You can’t build a family on physical attraction

Even if a man looks very independent, then the choice of the chosen one will be directly or indirectly influenced by the opinion of people close to him. So, friends play an important role at the dating stage, and their opinion can speed up the process of falling in love with a girl, and parental approval can be decisive for a marriage proposal. Needless to say, there are often cases when the image of the daughter-in-law in the fantasies of the parents does not coincide with the girl that their son brings to the house?

4. A man is sure that everything suits a woman

And to be more precise, it is women who pretend that everything is in order and they “do not want” to get married. If this is true, then fine, but if not, then the chosen one will never guess that some step is expected of him, because men are bad at “reading between the lines”, but they are good at drawing conclusions. Therefore, when at some point the girl’s patience will burst, she will pack her things and leave, the man will analyze the situation and, having met another who is not afraid to clarify the relationship, will not delay and offer her to get married so that she does not leave, like the previous one. .

Psychologists warn women that they should be especially wary of the idea of ​​living together outside of marriage. Most men propose a hand and heart 22 months after the start of the novel, then the chance begins to decrease by 20%, after 3 years this figure will increase to 50%, and after 7 years of relationship, the probability that you will get married is zero.

And do not forget about the difference in perceptions: women believe that living together is the first step towards marriage, while a man, on the contrary, “forgets” about the need to register a relationship and believes that they “already have a family”.

6. A woman is convenient for this period of time, but not for the future.

It also happens that a man wants to get married, but only when he reaches certain heights: he will be promoted at work, he will buy an apartment, a country house, and so on. He does not want to be alone in this not the easiest period of time on the way to goals, so he is looking for a woman who will support him. But this is only for a while.

From childhood, the girl is taught to think that any boy who pays attention to her automatically becomes her "groom". Often relatives joke about this topic and ask when they will already take a walk at her wedding. But every year this question becomes more and more serious. And the girl grows up with the installation: if the relationship is long, then they can only have one final - the creation of a family. Only in men such a stereotype rarely exists, which is why there is a misunderstanding between the sexes.

Of course, it is a pity for the time spent and you can even try to keep a person, but then you have to live with the realization that he is not next to you of his own free will. It is worth remembering that it is difficult for a man to give up his goal, and if he is confident in his choice, he is unlikely to waste time and avoid serious conversations. There are no convinced bachelors (really, George Clooney?) - there are women whom men do not want to marry, but do not dare to say it out loud.

Perhaps you have your own observations on this topic and in your environment men did (or did not) propose marriage for other reasons. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Once a girl in class admitted that she had been dating a married man for several years. She added that she wants to end this relationship, because she does not see prospects for creating a family in this. Our heroine did some work on herself, plucked up the courage and did it - broke off the relationship. It's time to look for a free candidate. But it was not there!

The girl began to literally "attract" married men to her. It got to the point that even on dating sites, where the choice is huge, she came across only married people. She was in despair and could not understand what was happening.

Why do you think this situation happened to the girl?

Reconcile or evolve? The choice is yours

“Maybe you should agree to the role of a mistress?” Once resigned, she asked. But there are girls who live like this for years. They receive gifts, money, meetings, and deep down they hope that someday he will leave his family and marry her ...

Of course, only you decide how to live and what kind of relationships to build. Just understand one thing: every woman has already There is that same man. It's important to believe it. But the way to it lies through self-development. And this path is full of fears, restrictions and prohibitions. One, stuck in the middle of the road, gets used to agreeing to small things, the other resigns herself to circumstances, and the third decides that relationships are not for her at all.

Consequences of a relationship with a married man

1. you lose precious women's time, youth, beauty and the most valuable inner energy.
2. You miss the opportunity to meet the one who is already looking for you somewhere.
3. You are deprived of the true happiness of a harmonious and promising relationship.

Three reasons why married people “stick” to you

Let's get back to our heroine. At some stage, she decided to close herself from all men and turn to herself. Aftershe identified several reasons why only married men appeared in her life.

• Reason one.The girl was not ready for a new relationship. Inside herself, she never let go of the previous man. There was a strong emotional connection between them. It seemed to her that he wanted her back, she hoped that everything would return to normal.

How to understand if past connections remain? Write who you see as a chosen one. If this list contains the characteristics of a man from a past relationship, then the connection with him is not broken.

• The second reason.She was subconsciously afraid of marriage, as her first experience ended in divorce. In life, everything comes at the request: if you are not ready for marriage, get a man who will not offer it to you. And it seems that outwardly she will be indignant, but inside she will be safe and calm.

This can also manifest itself if the girl was not married, but she has a belief that marriage spoils relationships or that after a stamp in the passport, love fades away.

• Reason three.History of her parents. It turned out that the mother of our heroine was the second wife of her father. Long ago, when he was married, they had an affair. The father divorced his first wife and married his mother.

The experience of parents often becomes an example for children who repeat the scenario they understand. Again, this happens unconsciously. Do not blame your father or mother for this, be in your responsibility.

It is important to remember that life is unique, there can be many reasons for relationships with married people. You always need to understand on several layers: scenarios from the past, parental experiences, negative beliefs. I just described the experience of a real girl.

And another moment: the woman understands that something is going wrong, but she cannot explain why. Then it is necessary to discuss this situation with a psychologist, make constellations, energy practices.

How to end unwanted relationships?

• Method one.The energy connection with a man is cut off at the sexual and emotional levels. The academy has a lesson, which is held on the 19th lunar day. In class, we important work, after which you feel a surge of energy and a desire to move forward.
• Method two.It is important to understand what kind of man you want to attract into your life. It is necessary to present him in such detail that the description contains everything from his appearance, ending with interests, education and marital status "single". You can do it in a special class
• Method three.Take a piece of paper and write down what attracts you in relationships with married people. When we write down inner feelings and thoughts, we become aware of hidden motives and can work to transform them.
• Method four. Ask a married man, current partner, why you attract him. Feedback from a man is always valuable and even sobering for a woman.

Girls, if everything worked out for you, and you attracted the one you wanted, do not stop working on yourself. Relationships are a deep process in which you will need a lot of energy to love, forgive, accept, let go and still be a happy woman.

I wish you a positive attitude!

Once again met with the perfect. Fell in love. It turned out that he was married. Another one. Let's figure it out: what's wrong?

Just no luck? No.

The fact is that it is not married men who get to know you, but you yourself get to know them. You choose them consciously or unconsciously. And why is this happening.

After all, there are a lot of worthy free men around, but you single out the “employed” from the general stream.

Most likely a married man is a safe option for you, for some reason you are afraid to build them with others.

This means that there is a program in your head that is launched by the subconscious. Hidden benefits and motives that the conscious self is not even aware of.
Which? Well, for example:

• I don't want to get married. Wives are abandoned, they are cheated on, they wipe their feet on them;
• Not worthy of a normal, full-fledged relationship with a man for whom I am the only one;
• Not ready for a serious, long-term and stable relationship;
• Not ready to take responsibility
• I'm afraid (of pain, deep connection with a partner, living together, etc.);
• I like relationships in which I am the victim;
• Single or divorced - unreliable;

What are you avoiding? How do you attract such heroes? And why do they fall into your field?

Or maybe it is in married people that you are attracted to something that is not in others. I agree, there is such a fact: they look very attractive against the background total weight. They seem to have already taken place, serious ...

Why does a married man attract more than a free man?

Because it gives the impression of already "tested" and demanded by someone.

If one woman approached, then, at least, he is all right with potency, finances, responsibility, he is not mentally ill, not gay, and so on. All in all, . Maybe even reliable.

Free men seem to some women boring, uninteresting. A 35-40-year-old who has never been ringed arouses suspicion: something is clearly wrong with him.

But another part of her wants to avoid pain or too close relationships, responsibility (hidden motives read above), childhood trauma, etc. - and this affects the subconscious choice of partner.
What prevents you from meeting a worthy and free person?

Fears and trauma

In childhood, the girl did not have closeness with her father, or he did not exist at all, or the relationship of the parents with each other was destructive (the subconscious mind decides: “marriage is bad!”).

And having matured, choosing married people, he protects himself from excessive intimacy with men, because he chooses those who cannot give it.

Because it's more familiar. She avoids them from sitting very deep,. And we attract what we fear.

And I'll prove it!

To prove to herself that she is the best - that's the motive. If one of the men has not yet paid due attention to her, has not fallen at her feet, the challenge program is turned on: "He will be mine, no matter what."

Of course, at this moment it does not occur to him that he is possible.

Inability to understand people

A married man can be identified at the first stages of dating, even if he carefully hides it. There are plenty of ways to do this on the Internet.

If a girl does not delve into these details and sees only her fantasy, falls in love with the image, and not with real person She is in for a big disappointment.

Stop being deceived!

A married man with a mistress is the same deceiver as everyone else: he often manipulates, hangs noodles on his ears and in every possible way powders his brains. Few women consciously initially choose for themselves the role of a mistress.

What to do, you ask? Deal with your complexes and fears, increase self-esteem and pump your femininity.

Create around yourself a field of worthy free men who will see a woman in you. And choose the best.

With faith in you
Yaroslav Samoilov.

Psychologists have long noticed: women like married men more than bachelors. Why is this happening and what to do in order not to fall into the trap of a hopeless relationship?

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The study involved 100 single and married women who were shown pictures of men. The photo had marks indicating whether the man was married or single. The women had to say which men they were attracted to and which ones they would have a relationship with.

It was found that married men attract single women 4 times more than single women. Married women liked free men much less, it seems that the bonds of marriage for women are of great importance.

Psychologists explain this fact by the fact that one of the reasons that married men attract free women is that such men already know how to take on obligations and responsibilities.

“Implicitly, women think that a man’s commitment to family values ​​​​has already been revealed by another woman, which means that this is suitable for Serious relationships partner,” psychologists emphasize.

In addition, there are several psychological syndromes that cause women to be attracted to married men. Psychologists have described each of them in detail and made a prediction about the future of such relationships.

1. Caring Dad Syndrome

As little girls, we women remain at heart until old age. And the image of the father - caring, guarding and protecting - is kept in our hearts by each of us. For some, this is a real dad, for someone - an ideal image.

As a rule, girls who did not receive enough love and approval from their father in childhood, in adulthood seek to “get” these emotions from their partner. Such girls are attracted to mature men, who are often already connected by family ties. This is how the classic relationship “student-teacher” or “secretary-boss” arises.

As a rule, favorable: men in their years often feel nostalgic for the “good old days” of their youth and try to return them, changing the old girlfriend of life, who perfectly sees all his shortcomings, to a young and naively admiring one.

However, a young lady in love needs to carefully look at her chosen one: a man should feel a thirst for change, he should be full of energy and desire to “shake the old days”. Often, in adulthood, the fuse is enough only for a short-term affair, and then the man returns to his usual family nest ...

2. Syndrome "the good ones have already been sorted out"

Admit it, have you ever said that yourself? It is customary for us to "stalk" promising suitors as early as possible. As the famous actress and TV presenter Larisa Guzeeva said, “Good men are taken apart as puppies.” From here, the conclusion seems to suggest itself: if you want to get a good man, look for an already “tested” one, grab it and beat it off!

What is the prospect of such a relationship?
As a rule, nothing good comes out of this. In addition to the ugly "woman's" showdowns with his wife and petty revenge on the cowardly lover. Men understand with some sixth sense that they are being beaten off not at all because of unearthly love, but out of self-interest, and they quickly reverse.

3. Syndrome "fatal woman"

Do not feed many women with bread - let them experience burning passions! And what could be more exciting than forbidden love - these secret meetings, tears and reconciliations, swings of emotions and fireworks of experiences! And all this half-spy romance - dates in other people's apartments, encrypted sms, furtive kisses, because eyes and ears are everywhere - only enhances the drama of the situation.

In addition, the status of a "femme fatale", especially if the romance ended with the withdrawal of a man from the family by a homeowner, has a certain romantic charm. Such a woman is envied, she is discussed, she is reputed to be the conqueror of men's hearts. If the “femme fatale” syndrome is aggravated by low self-esteem, the woman turns into a serial homemaker: she simply enjoys the fact that she can break up other people's families ...

Most "fatal women" do not subconsciously strive for marriage: well, these passionate natures are not created for cooking borscht and changing diapers! Therefore, novels can drag on for years, exhausting and simultaneously nourishing both partners energetically.

4. Syndrome "prince and beggar"

Some single women, having experienced financial hardships and not being able to establish their own careers, come to the conclusion: "It's better to eat a delicious pie together than to sip watery soup alone." That is, they initially prefer to become the mistress of a wealthy man than to build a family with a poor student.

A rare married lover does not feel remorse because of his forbidden pleasures and does not try to somehow console each of the “victims”. As a rule, these mental torments work wonders with men, turning even the most inveterate miser almost into an Arab sheikh. It's so easy to drown out an unpleasantly itchy feeling of guilt by giving the woman you love instead of the statue of your lawful wife something nice and a lot of carats ...

What is the prospect of such a relationship?
Strong and calm: no one claims anything, and the man supports two families.

5. The “beautiful picture” syndrome

As a rule, in communicating with a married man, women pay attention to his impressiveness and visual appeal (the wife picks up his wardrobe, irons his shirts, reminds him that it's time to cut his hair, etc.), grooming and healthy appearance (the wife feeds him homemade food, he does not have to make do with semi-finished products), solidity and self-confidence (his wife praises him in every possible way and raises his self-esteem).

That is, in fact, a woman simply “sticks” to a beautiful picture, falls in love with an image created by the forces of another woman! She does not see the underside of this “picture”, nor how much work it took her wife to create the “picture” itself.

What are the prospects for such a relationship?
As a rule, falling in love with the “picture” leads to quick disappointment, and the romance ends to the mutual displeasure of the parties. How to be, if in spite of everything, you see off with an envious glance a charming family - dad, mom and a lovely baby for a walk in the park?

You really want to get this tall, smiling man - undoubtedly an excellent lover, an excellent earner and a caring father ... It is difficult to give unequivocal advice. Although folk wisdom says “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune,” about 30% of romances with married people end in a wedding. But think about this experiment of Belarusian psychologists.

Minsk psychologists offered 10 single women to live in a “pseudo-marriage” (without sexual relations) with 10 bachelors who chose these women according to questionnaires. During this time, “wives” were instructed to take care of their “husbands”, surround them with care and attention, communicate affectionately, listen with pleasure, feed homemade sweets, take care of the wardrobe and unobtrusively give advice on how to behave in a given situation.

Initially, women were not enthusiastic about the proposed partners: they seemed to them to be sluts, careless, unattractive, unable to communicate and care. After 3 months of the experiment, 10 pairs were collected in a restaurant. All the men have changed dramatically!

And further amazing fact: every woman was delighted with all men, except ... her companion! Perhaps it is still worth taking a closer look at those free men who surround you? Small "investments" of participation, warmth and female care sometimes work wonders - see for yourself!

Question for psychologists

I am 38 years old, unmarried. All novels ended in a candy-bouquet romance, there was never a continuation of the relationship. Very often I suggest love relationship married men, it's just some kind of obsession. At first I explain the refusal politely and civilly, but they don’t understand this and I have to express my refusal in a rude form. As a result, she was known as an evil vixen. Some kind of dead end .... I want a family, children, already not a child's age. At work, productivity plummeted to the point of being fired. The real crisis. Advise how to be. Thank you

Hello Alya. Honestly, in order to really help, there is not enough information. I will say what comes intuitively: You are attracted to married men who offer you casual relationships because they do not see you as a woman with serious intentions. And the fact that you have to rudely refuse them proves that you are not taken seriously. A question for you to understand - do you take yourself seriously? What about men? Perhaps you feel like a little girl and are looking for a dad in a man, not a partner? What is family and children for you? Why is this for you? Is it only because "the age is not childish"? Here's something I advise you to think about, and even better to feel. It is clear that there are problems in the personal perception of men and more ... but without personal contact, one can only fantasize about this.

All the best. Sincerely, Margaret.

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Hello Alya!

When real life outcomes diverge from desired ones, there can be two reasons for this:

1. In order to achieve the desired goals, ineffective behavior is used (for various reasons)
2. Consciously desired goals diverge from the true goals, which are not realized and this achievement, in fact, is blocked.

So I would suggest that you begin to overcome your crisis precisely by figuring out where you are wrong - with goals or with behavior. Both that, and another "is treated", in sense, gives in to correction by means of a psychotherapy. It’s a pity, of course, that you haven’t been engaged in this correction for so many years and relayed your dissatisfaction with life, well, better late than never, especially since, in general, it’s not too late, you definitely have half your life ahead of you, and for that , in order to make this half more joyful and satisfying, I think it’s worth a little work on yourself. Ready to be useful in the course of psychotherapy. All the best, Elena.

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Hello Alya.

You have good desires - to have a family, children ...

And yes, it's really not a child's age.

my experience in marriage and family counseling gives me the opportunity to tell you - such issues are not resolved in short answers in writing ...

ways out of such impasses are not a matter of one consultation.

if you decide on a serious job - find a psychologist who you can trust.

miracles happen.

and from one letter you can find all the answers for yourself.

How much do you believe in miracles?

at 38...?

Yours G. Idrisov.

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Hello Alya! Is what you show to the outside world: people, men, etc., as it should and should be? Or, is this your true desire and need? Having answered your own question, it will become easier for you to move towards your true needs, although at the beginning you need to realize, accept, feel, and then look for them in external environment... Define your life values, study them. And when another man you like begins to look after you, you, while not falling in love yet, but at the same time, talk about your need, that you want to get married and have a family !!! And his choice - to accept or not. After all, some just fictitious marriage, or, it just doesn't exist. I am for the family - this is my value, if there is something to save, and if there is already nothing there ..?! Start paying attention to your sensations in the body, start trusting yourself, your feelings, and then you will begin to move in life in the right direction for yourself, with joy and pleasure from life! All the best. Sincerely, Ludmila

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Alya, I want to ask you: have you yourself ever fallen in love with a boy, a guy or a man? Don't think you're feeling