How to find a husband on the Internet? From a fictitious marriage to a wedding in Prague
This story happened to me a few years ago, and to be absolutely accurate - in 2012. Then I had just divorced my husband (only two months had passed since the divorce).
As they say, cats were scratching at heart, especially since the break in relations itself lasted about six months, with scandals, division of property, etc. And all this in front of our five-year-old daughter. In general, complete darkness.
It's good that my friend advised me to start a profile on a dating site. At first I refused, because I heard from my friends that there are a lot of jerks, youngsters, and also those who offer sex services. But a friend suggested how to set up filters in order to cut off any "evil spirits" to the maximum.
Looking ahead, I’ll say that I still came across inadequate people, but I didn’t lose faith in the dating site. It was important for me not to sit and grieve, but to arrange my own personal life. And such Internet resources gave a real chance. In the first month, really interesting candidates did not come across. Yes, and at first it was difficult for me to navigate in so many male profiles. But gradually more and more discovered.
Everyone, of course, actively invited on a date. Having gone on a couple of dates, I was amazed at how much my impressions of a man during correspondence can diverge from a real person.
Showed activity and was rewarded
I thought then - how much time would you have to spend here to meet the right man. But events developed at a good pace! I did not become a regular "client" of such Internet resources.
Somewhere at the end of the second month of my stay on the site, Bogdan wrote to me. And he immediately interested me in his appearance and manner of conducting a dialogue in correspondence. On the very first day of our online communication, he took my phone number and invited me to visit ... a natural reserve. It was original and didn't work. After all, basically everyone called me either to the cinema, or just to take a walk, or sit in a cafe with a cup of coffee.
All day, and it was Saturday, we spent in the fresh air, while our conversation did not become forced for a second. I felt very comfortable. And most importantly - I felt that he liked him, and he was also nothing :). Five days later, I completely forgot about my problems in the past :). What I want to say in conclusion: we have been married for three years, and I am a happy mother of two children!
The search for a life partner is no exception, the network offers many ways to find the only one. The main place of search can rightly be called specialized sites. Wide functionality allows you to define search criteria and consider candidates.
Acquaintance
1) Correctness of filling out the questionnaire. While your interlocutor does not see you, he is guided by information and photos.
The main condition for a high-quality questionnaire that can hook the interlocutor is informativeness. Try to indicate as much information as possible in the designated fields, focus on your hobbies and preferences. This approach will help a man find common ground with you.
Often the “About Me” field is filled with a pile of stolen quotes, stale aphorisms, touching, but long-weary verses. This approach will not allow you to draw a conclusion about your personality, and it is unlikely that a man will linger on your profile.
2) Literacy. An illiterate profile on a dating site is like dirty hair and bad manicure in reality. Now there are enough text editors that will point you to existing errors in a matter of seconds.
Be frank. This rule applies to the line about the purpose of your stay on the dating site. A frivolous relationship and an acquaintance for a couple of meetings? Point it out directly in your profile. Do not deceive or mislead people who have a goal, for example, to create a strong family.
The profile picture is of particular importance. It is better if it will be several photographs taken in good quality. Should I post studio shots? The answer is rather negative. It is highly likely that in the mind of a man you will be associated with a cold beauty.
3) Personal attitude to what is happening. Try to remain calm and do not become attached to new pen pals, do not let you fall in love with someone you have not seen in real life. This will save you from emotional trauma and disappointment.
Define the circle of your searches. In this matter, external ones are not important, because a family can only be built with someone who has views on life identical to yours. Write down a list of your requirements. Don't forget your own shortcomings.
So, filling out the questionnaire, you can proceed to the direct search and communication. Of course, you can sit and wait for your prince, but most men who prefer a dating site are extremely shy, so it's better to take matters into your own hands.
Active search
1) Pay attention. Send out postcards, emoticons, or a short greeting to potential applicants. Most dating sites offer their visitors various contests and games, participate, it will be not only useful for your rating, but also very interesting.
If the chosen one responded, continue communication in virtual reality. Do not write long treatises about yourself, give up the idea of asking too tricky questions and touching on personal topics. The main thing you need to do now is to convince your interlocutor that you are an “easy” person living on the positive. It is unlikely that a woman who constantly complains about her life will induce a desire in a man to meet and further serious relationships.
When selecting a circle of applicants, do not judge external data, focusing on a photograph. Women and men think differently, women make every effort to emphasize their attractiveness, while men, on the contrary, do not focus on their appearance. If you want to evaluate the appearance of a man, offer him a video call.
2) Get interested. Let a man feel like a hero by asking him for advice about cars or a computer. For him, this will not be difficult, but will give a sense of his significance. If you have established his strengths in the process of communication, use this technique constantly.
After a month, you have the opportunity to check the truth of his intentions. Pay attention to whether your chosen one is listening to you, if he is serious, he will carefully and participate in the conversation. If the main goal is intimacy, he will try to avoid long conversations and will try to find an opportunity to retire with you.
If a man likes you, he will not put off his planned meetings with you. If this happens, then the reason will be very weighty. A man who calls only to find out your plans for the evening is not your man. Last and extremely important point- a person who wants to take you down the aisle in the future, certainly with relatives.
To find out how such relationships develop in practice, you can trace them together with channel specialists. Let's watch the video!
There are many sites on the web that offer "serious dating". I settled on the three most popular - mamba.ru, 24open.ru, badoo.ru - and posted my profiles there. In addition, I signed up for the popular mobile app tinder.
The data in the questionnaires varied slightly: I introduced myself as an accountant, lawyer and stewardess. There were also different photos: I used two looks - sexy and casual. But my real age (34 years) and interests (travelling, theatres, cinema, yoga) I indicated the same everywhere. Like main goal: find a man for marriage.
In order not to get lost in all the variety of options, I decided to immediately weed out potential suitors according to the degree of adequacy. I watched how they react to the proposal to marry. A sense of humor is great, but rude jokes are already quite a serious reason to refuse a date. I do not like rudeness, empty questions and a superficial attitude - and this is not uncommon on dating sites.
The next stage of screening was the social status of the applicant: I was not shy to ask who the person works with, with whom and where he lives. And, of course, I would not go on a date with someone who offers to meet in the park, take a walk, and there were many such offers too. Firstly, it is simply dangerous, and secondly, a serious man who has taken place is able to invite a woman of interest to him at least for a cup of coffee.
Looking ahead, I’ll say that almost none of the applicants were interested in the place of my work and hobbies, but everyone wanted to know if I was exactly in the photo. As expected, the sexy image attracted men more often, and I caught serious offers in a more mundane photo.
Fetishists and deceivers
Mamba.ru is the largest network of Russian-language dating sites that combines smaller sites, 24 million profiles are registered here. The audience here is diverse: from millionaires (for example, my friend, the owner of a network of pharmacies, is sitting here) and TV personalities spinning on the "mordolent" with a request to lend them a personal plane for shopping in Milan, to school teachers and guest workers.
The inhabitants of the site are spoiled by the illusion of options, and this seriously affects their self-esteem and communication, and ultimately the effectiveness of dating. More often than not, it never comes to meetings in real life. And although I chose "marriage and having children" in the goal section, most often I was offered to have fun without obligations. In fairness, I will say that not all men from Mamba.ru needed sex or talk about it.
One young man said that he was not interested in carnal pleasures at all, only the massage of my beautiful feet. I wrote back: "Honey, unfortunately, massage does not turn on children, but I want a family and children." The young man was also not at a loss: "Maybe I will like you so much that I myself will want children and can change." I had to say what I need immediately and for sure. And such "maybe, if I like you a lot, I will change / decide to marry / change orientation" ⅔ of all messages.
In five days, 128 people wrote to me, ⅓ of them recognized marriage with me as a tempting affair. I received specific proposals to meet and discuss the date of the wedding (or at least just talk about it) from 12 people, which amounted to about 10% of the total number of respondents.
The ardent young man Ruslan immediately offered to marry, promising to carry it in his arms. Another applicant offered to immediately move into a newly renovated apartment and have children. I especially remember the man who wrote that he was looking for a wife - the keeper of the hearth. But on the condition that I'm definitely not a model or an actress, because the representatives of these professions, in his opinion, have extremely easy behavior. I dared to object that I have a sister - former model, and asked to continue to choose expressions. "And you will still tell me how I should respond about these ...?" - the failed groom was indignant and sent me to the black list.
But the next applicant, with his gallantry and wit, quickly made him forget all the negative impressions about unsuccessful suitors. I decided to meet with him.
Groom first
We spent a wonderful evening and a few more days of nice texting ... Until my page was written by his girlfriend, who has a baby from him and monitors all his correspondence.
Oh, I'll ride (if I have time)!
The international dating network Badoo.ru was created by Russians. Site traffic is about 220 million people. In fact, the Russian-speaking part is not as numerous as on Mamba.ru, but the people here are simpler and more adequate. Here, too, I indicated marriage as the purpose of acquaintance in the questionnaire and began to wait for the daredevils.
More than 100 people wrote to me during the evening. Almost all of them said that they had a positive attitude towards marriage and were ready for a serious relationship if everything else matched. Another 14 offered to see each other to see for themselves that we are suitable for each other.
A lot must come together: appearance, emotionality, mind, interests, material base, readiness to start a relationship, - the first person who wrote it went to the specifics. - Do you think I'm making it difficult? Let's see each other first, maybe the chemistry won't work. You can meet right at the registry office, I still have free pages.
In parallel, I had a fight with another potential "wealthy fiance" because of who will iron the shirts of whom. The young man was convinced that handling the iron and cooking borscht was the main prerogative of a woman: "What else do you need a wife for?" While the young man was surprised, I agreed to a date with Vadim, who said that cooking and ironing are trifles, the main thing is drive.
Groom second
Vadim, 36 years old. A former athlete, ugly, but very cheerful. Over pizza, he told me how much money he had in his account, what real estate he had, and how much he spent per month. He was looking for a seriously cheerful woman who could share his interests (travelling, cycling, snowboarding, skiing) and not be annoyed by living together with his son.
I honestly admitted that I could only share his passion for travel. To which my athlete said: "It doesn't matter, my ex-wife was also far from sports. You will sunbathe and watch as my son and I drive down the mountain."
Over dessert, Vadim admitted that two years ago he already found a girl on the site, she recently moved out of him, and he wants to fill the resulting vacuum as quickly as possible. "If you decide - write," the potential groom said goodbye to me and flew off in an SUV.
A week later, I decided to go to the cinema with him, but Vadim replied that he had already found a girl who would agree to ski with him. But if suddenly in two years she also leaves him, then he will be happy. Well, the Germans are right, they came up with a saying, "in a large family (badu) they don't click their beaks." I wished Vadim that the current girl would still become one Noah, the only one, and went to look for personal happiness further.
From a fictitious marriage to a wedding in Prague
The site 24open.ru also combines several dating sites. People here sit simpler than on Mamba.ru, but there are fewer frankly indecent offers here. In this sense, 24open.ru is closer to real life. But, unlike Badoo.ru, the site is not numerous - it was chosen by "only" 2.5 million people. Here you can also specify the purpose of dating marriage and the birth of children, however, there is no guarantee that someone will look not only at the photos, but also at the information in the profile.
Of the 30 who wrote to me in the first half hour, 28 replied that, in principle, they did not mind Serious relationships. One young man admitted that he had just got divorced and was not yet ready for marriage (it seems that he was the only honest person on the entire Internet space). And another writer turned out to be married, albeit fictitiously. Seven immediately offered to meet, to discuss matrimonial prospects.
By the way, the applicant with a fictitious marriage, who introduced himself as Anatoly, found his soul mate on the same site. At first, I just wanted to help my virtual friend get citizenship, and then the marriage on paper turned into a full-fledged relationship with a marital bed, family scandals and mutual accusations.
All in all, we don't get anything. Every day we fight and decide to leave. We'll probably get divorced soon. But she will receive citizenship, - Anatoly shared with me.
Of all those who wrote, only one young man really interested me, who seemed like a mere gladiolus against the backdrop of radishes.
groom third
Denis, 27 years old: businessman, good-looking and very sincere. Even too much. The young man spoke about his father, a diplomat, and his childhood in Africa (a family photo was presented against the backdrop of palm trees), about his sister, a gymnast, the first girl who turned out to be a drug addict, about influential clients and success in business. And also that he is looking for a smart older woman, because he wants a mature relationship, and not running around clubs. To have someone to take care of and, if everything goes well, start a family and children. Too smooth to be true, right?
I went through the photos of Denis in search engines and found my prince in social networks. And indeed, he did not lie about business, parents and other details of his biography. Deceived only with age and marital status. So, my prince is actually 42, he is married with a daughter.
Taught by bitter experience, I decided not to rush to propose a hand and heart to the next stranger, but to start talking.
For those who love fast
Tinder was originally designed as mobile app For speed dating. But in the end, life made its own adjustments: someone here is looking for a one-night stand, someone wants to find a company to pass the evening in a foreign city, and someone is really trying to find a soul mate.
To date, the application has 100 million users. But most of them are foreigners.
The application itself, in my opinion, is not very suitable for finding a serious relationship: the focus is on a selection of photos - the more you view and approve, the more chances that you will be approved and you will meet. In addition, men over 35 years old - my contingent - make up only 14% on Tinder.
When I am abroad, I will definitely use Tinder to find myself a nice guide. Although the London police, for example, advises to be careful with mobile contacts: robbers and sex maniacs have begun to use offers for quick dating.
I had already decided to close the application, as a handsome guy wrote to me with an offer to get married first, and then get to know each other.
Groom fourth
Sergey, 43 years old: psychologist, fan of Eastern philosophy and bikes. Despite the fact that we had been talking leisurely for a week, my question about marriage put him in a stupor. Sergey returned to the Network after 10 minutes - he went nervously smoking on the balcony - with the question: "Why do you need this?" “So that there is someone to cook borscht and someone to hug at night,” I finally said the prepared crown phrase.
And, apparently, hit the target. Sergey offered to sit on summer veranda trendy restaurant and discuss what and how. At the meeting, we found out that the children annoy him when they demand to switch the channel - "he has seen enough of his nephews." I offered to buy another TV and promised that my offspring would annoy him less. "Maybe you're right," Sergey agreed, and after a short conversation, he offered to marry abroad, in Prague. And if I so insist on a wedding, then he has a pretty town hall in mind.
What's the catch? It is possible that he is not.
There is a chance
In a week, almost three hundred men wrote to me. Two-thirds of them said that they were theoretically not against a serious relationship.
Does this mean that they all want to get married? Of course not. But they are ready to use all methods, including the "imaginary prolongation of relations," as inveterate pikapers call it. And those who are supposedly seriously looking for a wife on sites are actually even less ready for marriage than all the other inhabitants of dating sites. Representatives of this category have been looking for years for women who would meet all the points of a kilometer-long list of claims and requirements for an ideal wife, and they themselves can only offer a modest salary in return (which, by the way, is prescribed as “I make good money”).
Unfortunately, these "potential suitors" also have a bad sense of humor - an example of this is a nervous man who shuns models and actresses. The only good news is that most of the men sitting on dating sites are still rational beings, which means that you can always negotiate with them and convince them that marriage (and a wedding in Prague, of course) is exactly what they need.
Stories of those who found their happiness on the web
Ilya, 36 years old: I really liked the girl in the photo. We started talking, she said that she was on the site just for the sake of communication and she didn’t have time for dates, she went to German courses. I offered to meet her from the course and walk her home. It turned out that in live communication, my Sasha is very sweet and very smart. They began to call up, communicate, meet. Six months later, Sasha posed the question point-blank: she said that she was already 28 years old and she just didn’t have time to meet. I also thought that if I married, then it was Sasha, I was head over heels in love with her. We have been married for almost six years, we have a wonderful daughter, we are planning to finish the renovation in a new, spacious apartment, and there, maybe we will have a second child.
Anya, 28 years old: I have been on dating sites for five or six years. I met with someone, but the relationship did not develop. Lyosha was 12 years older than me, so sleek, all status. He courted beautifully, on the first date he brought a huge bouquet of 100 roses. At first, he did not like him at all as a man. Well, go to a restaurant. Therefore, when he invited me to spend a vacation together, I thought hard: do I want to live in the same room with him? Decided to try it and didn't regret it. Pretty soon, I moved in with him, and then it started: I caught him periodically on social networks, some girls wrote SMS at night. True, he said that he wanted to marry and that I bore him a son. And I answered: if you buy me an apartment, then I’ll think about it, because staying alone with a child on the street is not in my plans. Problems began with his parents: his mother emphasized all the time that I was no match for Alexei. But then I accidentally got pregnant, and we got married. And we don't regret it at all. Lyosha settled down, all the time next to me and the child. True, he never bought an apartment in my name, but he has changed so much that I am confident in him and in the future without guarantees.
Tatiana, 26: We do not advertise that we met on the Web. We just talked with Andrei, I was not even going to meet with him, let alone get married. I was still studying at the institute, looking for myself. Corresponded with him for a month. Then he saw my photos in a bathing suit and began to persistently seek a meeting. I called him to a cafe where I was sitting with a friend and her boyfriend. In terms of communication, he seemed impudent to me, he arrived all brand new, sat for an hour, ordered us champagne and left, and an hour later he began to write to me: "Where are you, with whom? Go home, it's already late." On the second date, he drove up to me in a Range Rover, invited me to an Italian cafe on Pushkinskaya, tried to impress. It turned out that without strangers he is very cheerful. For the first two years of our relationship, I didn’t plan anything at all, he was talking about the wedding. Then he stopped. And I started talking about the wedding. Three years later we moved in together, and a year later we got married.
There are many sites on the web that offer "serious dating". I settled on the three most popular - mamba.ru, 24open.ru, badoo.ru - and posted my profiles there. In addition, I signed up for the popular mobile app tinder.
The data in the questionnaires varied slightly: I introduced myself as an accountant, lawyer and stewardess. There were also different photos: I used two looks - sexy and casual. But my real age (34 years) and interests (travelling, theatres, cinema, yoga) I indicated the same everywhere. As well as the main goal: to find a man for marriage.
In order not to get lost in all the variety of options, I decided to immediately weed out potential suitors according to the degree of adequacy. I watched how they react to the proposal to marry. A sense of humor is great, but rude jokes are already quite a serious reason to refuse a date. I do not like rudeness, empty questions and a superficial attitude - and this is not uncommon on dating sites.
The next stage of screening was the social status of the applicant: I was not shy to ask who the person works with, with whom and where he lives. And, of course, I would not go on a date with someone who offers to meet in the park, take a walk, and there were many such offers too. Firstly, it is simply dangerous, and secondly, a serious man who has taken place is able to invite a woman of interest to him at least for a cup of coffee.
Looking ahead, I’ll say that almost none of the applicants were interested in the place of my work and hobbies, but everyone wanted to know if I was exactly in the photo. As expected, the sexy image attracted men more often, and I caught serious offers in a more mundane photo.
Fetishists and deceivers
Mamba.ru is the largest network of Russian-language dating sites that combines smaller sites, 24 million profiles are registered here. The audience here is diverse: from millionaires (for example, my friend, the owner of a network of pharmacies, is sitting here) and TV personalities spinning on the "mordolent" with a request to lend them a personal plane for shopping in Milan, to school teachers and guest workers.
The inhabitants of the site are spoiled by the illusion of options, and this seriously affects their self-esteem and communication, and ultimately the effectiveness of dating. More often than not, it never comes to meetings in real life. And although I chose "marriage and having children" in the goal section, most often I was offered to have fun without obligations. In fairness, I will say that not all men from Mamba.ru needed sex or talk about it.
One young man said that he was not interested in carnal pleasures at all, only the massage of my beautiful feet. I wrote back: "Honey, unfortunately, massage does not turn on children, but I want a family and children." The young man was also not at a loss: "Maybe I will like you so much that I myself will want children and can change." I had to say what I need immediately and for sure. And such "maybe, if I like you a lot, I will change / decide to marry / change orientation" ⅔ of all messages.
In five days, 128 people wrote to me, ⅓ of them recognized marriage with me as a tempting affair. I received specific proposals to meet and discuss the date of the wedding (or at least just talk about it) from 12 people, which amounted to about 10% of the total number of respondents.
The ardent young man Ruslan immediately offered to marry, promising to carry it in his arms. Another applicant offered to immediately move into a newly renovated apartment and have children. I especially remember the man who wrote that he was looking for a wife - the keeper of the hearth. But on the condition that I'm definitely not a model or an actress, because the representatives of these professions, in his opinion, have extremely easy behavior. I dared to object that my sister is a former model, and asked me to continue to choose expressions. "And you will still tell me how I should respond about these ...?" - the failed groom was indignant and sent me to the black list.
But the next applicant, with his gallantry and wit, quickly made him forget all the negative impressions about unsuccessful suitors. I decided to meet with him.
Groom first
We spent a wonderful evening and a few more days of nice texting ... Until my page was written by his girlfriend, who has a baby from him and monitors all his correspondence.
Oh, I'll ride (if I have time)!
The international dating network Badoo.ru was created by Russians. Site traffic is about 220 million people. In fact, the Russian-speaking part is not as numerous as on Mamba.ru, but the people here are simpler and more adequate. Here, too, I indicated marriage as the purpose of acquaintance in the questionnaire and began to wait for the daredevils.
More than 100 people wrote to me during the evening. Almost all of them said that they had a positive attitude towards marriage and were ready for a serious relationship if everything else matched. Another 14 offered to see each other to see for themselves that we are suitable for each other.
A lot must come together: appearance, emotionality, mind, interests, material base, readiness to start a relationship, - the first person who wrote it went to the specifics. - Do you think I'm making it difficult? Let's see each other first, maybe the chemistry won't work. You can meet right at the registry office, I still have free pages.
In parallel, I had a fight with another potential "wealthy fiance" because of who will iron the shirts of whom. The young man was convinced that handling the iron and cooking borscht was the main prerogative of a woman: "What else do you need a wife for?" While the young man was surprised, I agreed to a date with Vadim, who said that cooking and ironing are trifles, the main thing is drive.
Groom second
Vadim, 36 years old. A former athlete, ugly, but very cheerful. Over pizza, he told me how much money he had in his account, what real estate he had, and how much he spent per month. He was looking for a seriously cheerful woman who could share his interests (travelling, cycling, snowboarding, skiing) and not be annoyed by living together with his son.
I honestly admitted that I could only share his passion for travel. To which my athlete said: “It doesn’t matter, my ex-wife was also far from sports. You will sunbathe and watch how my son and I are moving down the mountain.”
Over dessert, Vadim admitted that two years ago he already found a girl on the site, she recently moved out of him, and he wants to fill the resulting vacuum as quickly as possible. "If you decide - write," the potential groom said goodbye to me and flew off in an SUV.
A week later, I decided to go to the cinema with him, but Vadim replied that he had already found a girl who would agree to ski with him. But if suddenly in two years she also leaves him, then he will be happy. Well, the Germans are right, they came up with a saying, "in a large family (badu) they don't click their beaks." I wished Vadim that the current girl would still become one Noah, the only one, and went to look for personal happiness further.
From a fictitious marriage to a wedding in Prague
The site 24open.ru also combines several dating sites. People here sit simpler than on Mamba.ru, but there are fewer frankly indecent offers here. In this sense, 24open.ru is closer to real life. But, unlike Badoo.ru, the site is not numerous - it was chosen by "only" 2.5 million people. Here you can also specify the purpose of dating marriage and the birth of children, however, there is no guarantee that someone will look not only at the photos, but also at the information in the profile.
Of the 30 who wrote to me in the first half hour, 28 replied that, in principle, they were not against a serious relationship. One young man admitted that he had just got divorced and was not yet ready for marriage (it seems that he was the only honest person on the entire Internet space). And another writer turned out to be married, albeit fictitiously. Seven immediately offered to meet, to discuss matrimonial prospects.
By the way, the applicant with a fictitious marriage, who introduced himself as Anatoly, found his soul mate on the same site. At first, I just wanted to help my virtual friend get citizenship, and then the marriage on paper turned into a full-fledged relationship with a marital bed, family scandals and mutual accusations.
All in all, we don't get anything. Every day we fight and decide to leave. We'll probably get divorced soon. But she will receive citizenship, - Anatoly shared with me.
Of all those who wrote, only one young man really interested me, who seemed like a mere gladiolus against the backdrop of radishes.
groom third
Denis, 27 years old: businessman, good-looking and very sincere. Even too much. The young man spoke about his father, a diplomat, and his childhood in Africa (a family photo was presented against the backdrop of palm trees), about his sister, a gymnast, the first girl who turned out to be a drug addict, about influential clients and success in business. And also that he is looking for a smart older woman, because he wants a mature relationship, and not running around clubs. To have someone to take care of and, if everything goes well, start a family and children. Too smooth to be true, right?
I went through the photos of Denis in search engines and found my prince in social networks. And indeed, he did not lie about business, parents and other details of his biography. Deceived only with age and marital status. So, my prince is actually 42, he is married with a daughter.
Taught by bitter experience, I decided not to rush to propose a hand and heart to the next stranger, but to start talking.
For those who love fast
Tinder was originally developed as a mobile speed dating app. But in the end, life made its own adjustments: someone here is looking for a one-night stand, someone wants to find a company to pass the evening in a foreign city, and someone is really trying to find a soul mate.
To date, the application has 100 million users. But most of them are foreigners.
The application itself, in my opinion, is not very suitable for finding a serious relationship: the focus is on a selection of photos - the more you view and approve, the more chances that you will be approved and you will meet. In addition, men over 35 years old - my contingent - make up only 14% on Tinder.
When I am abroad, I will definitely use Tinder to find myself a nice guide. Although the London police, for example, advises to be careful with mobile contacts: robbers and sex maniacs have begun to use offers for quick dating.
I had already decided to close the application, as a handsome guy wrote to me with an offer to get married first, and then get to know each other.
Groom fourth
Sergey, 43 years old: psychologist, fan of Eastern philosophy and bikes. Despite the fact that we had been talking leisurely for a week, my question about marriage put him in a stupor. Sergey returned to the Network after 10 minutes - he went nervously smoking on the balcony - with the question: "Why do you need this?" “So that there is someone to cook borscht and someone to hug at night,” I finally said the prepared crown phrase.
And, apparently, hit the target. Sergey offered to sit on the summer terrace of a trendy restaurant and discuss what and how. At the meeting, we found out that the children annoy him when they demand to switch the channel - "he has seen enough of his nephews." I offered to buy another TV and promised that my offspring would annoy him less. "Maybe you're right," Sergey agreed, and after a short conversation, he offered to marry abroad, in Prague. And if I so insist on a wedding, then he has a pretty town hall in mind.
What's the catch? It is possible that he is not.
There is a chance
In a week, almost three hundred men wrote to me. Two-thirds of them said that they were theoretically not against a serious relationship.
Does this mean that they all want to get married? Of course not. But they are ready to use all methods, including the "imaginary prolongation of relations," as inveterate pikapers call it. And those who are supposedly seriously looking for a wife on sites are actually even less ready for marriage than all the other inhabitants of dating sites. Representatives of this category have been looking for years for women who would meet all the points of a kilometer-long list of claims and requirements for an ideal wife, and they themselves can only offer a modest salary in return (which, by the way, is prescribed as “I make good money”).
Unfortunately, these "potential suitors" also have a bad sense of humor - an example of this is a nervous man who shuns models and actresses. The only good news is that most of the men sitting on dating sites are still rational beings, which means that you can always negotiate with them and convince them that marriage (and a wedding in Prague, of course) is exactly what they need.
Stories of those who found their happiness on the web
Ilya, 36 years old: I really liked the girl in the photo. We started talking, she said that she was on the site just for the sake of communication and she didn’t have time for dates, she went to German courses. I offered to meet her from the course and walk her home. It turned out that in live communication, my Sasha is very sweet and very smart. They began to call up, communicate, meet. Six months later, Sasha posed the question point-blank: she said that she was already 28 years old and she just didn’t have time to meet. I also thought that if I married, then it was Sasha, I was head over heels in love with her. We have been married for almost six years, we have a wonderful daughter, we are planning to finish the renovation in a new, spacious apartment, and there, maybe we will have a second child.
Anya, 28 years old: I have been on dating sites for five or six years. I met with someone, but the relationship did not develop. Lyosha was 12 years older than me, so sleek, all status. He courted beautifully, on the first date he brought a huge bouquet of 100 roses. At first, he did not like him at all as a man. Well, go to a restaurant. Therefore, when he invited me to spend a vacation together, I thought hard: do I want to live in the same room with him? Decided to try it and didn't regret it. Pretty soon, I moved in with him, and then it started: I caught him periodically on social networks, some girls wrote SMS at night. True, he said that he wanted to marry and that I bore him a son. And I answered: if you buy me an apartment, then I’ll think about it, because staying alone with a child on the street is not in my plans. Problems began with his parents: his mother emphasized all the time that I was no match for Alexei. But then I accidentally got pregnant, and we got married. And we don't regret it at all. Lyosha settled down, all the time next to me and the child. True, he never bought an apartment in my name, but he has changed so much that I am confident in him and in the future without guarantees.
Tatiana, 26: We do not advertise that we met on the Web. We just talked with Andrei, I was not even going to meet with him, let alone get married. I was still studying at the institute, looking for myself. Corresponded with him for a month. Then he saw my photos in a bathing suit and began to persistently seek a meeting. I called him to a cafe where I was sitting with a friend and her boyfriend. In terms of communication, he seemed impudent to me, he arrived all brand new, sat for an hour, ordered us champagne and left, and an hour later he began to write to me: "Where are you, with whom? Go home, it's already late." On the second date, he drove up to me in a Range Rover, invited me to an Italian cafe on Pushkinskaya, tried to impress. It turned out that without strangers he is very cheerful. For the first two years of our relationship, I didn’t plan anything at all, he was talking about the wedding. Then he stopped. And I started talking about the wedding. Three years later we moved in together, and a year later we got married.
In our time, the Internet has become at least the second most important way to meet and, accordingly, the second most important in terms of starting a family. For those who, out of desperation or intellect, or in connection with their analytical spirit, do not trust random meetings, I can say: there is absolutely a chance to find a decent person on the Internet. If you are looking for a husband, friend, or just a partner for the weekend, you have a high chance of achieving your goal, but you need to follow a certain search algorithm. To do this, it is necessary not to succumb to momentary weaknesses, but to exclude those who do not suit you in a mathematical, counterintuitive way.
You need to determine your priorities in choosing a man. It can be a list of 50 or 100 items. Decide, for example, whether you are willing to tolerate the fact that a man smokes, loves dogs more than elephants, laughs loudly in company, has a terrible accent when he speaks Ukrainian or Ukrainian when he speaks English. I would call it "The Da Vinci Code". To evaluate a man, you need to make a questionnaire, assign a certain number of points to each item and set a minimum "threshold". For example, an answer that matches your opinion gets 5 points. A man who scores less than 100 is not worth your attention, don't answer him. Often our women fall into Turgenevism and epistles, and then wonder why the partner does not tell her that she has a beautiful hat in the photo.
You also need to do research to find out how many women are looking for the same man you want to meet. For example, two-meter, brown-eyed, who speaks eight languages and earns a million dollars a week. It may turn out that the competitive environment is crazy. Probability of finding right person can be calculated mathematically. As a citizen of Kiev, I will write about Kyiv. About 5 million people live in the capital. If you approach the issue from the point of view of statistical probability, then you will now find out the most terrible figure in life. The concept of "eligible" (that is, a suitable partner, the one with whom you are ready to have a relationship) for each person will include approximately 4% of the city's population. These are those who are suitable for gender and age, as well as those who will like you, and those who will like you. After all, when determining who you need, in addition to gender and age, you write other characteristics: smart, energetic, inventive ... Thus, you reduce the set, and in the city of Kiev, according to my calculations, there may be only about 150 suitable people for you . Try to find them! It's even cooler than a quest game.
Marketing
Internet marketing involves not only the fact that you are looking for a partner, but also that you must present yourself. To do this, you need to conduct a study of what kind of women's profiles men like. For example, what should be the photo - with a cat, in a hat, on the beach ... Statistically, it turns out that a woman should look quite erotic, but without going overboard in demonstrating her virtues. If you're pictured on a white horse, dressed in white, and look like Monica Bellucci, most men will think you're out of reach. And they save!
There is an opinion that women on the Internet use their real photos, and men - strangers. But during our experiment, it turned out that Ukrainian women often publish completely fake pictures. I had the opportunity to be convinced of this when I met women personally.
In addition to photos, it is important to make a resume correctly. It should contain many trigger words that, like snares, evoke positive emotions: love, girl, joy, laughter, trust, and so on. You can also mention the cinema, it very often causes good emotions. By the way, as a result of the experiment, I realized that women, when filling out questionnaires, often distort the truth: they overestimate their social status and incorrectly indicate their place of residence. For example, they write that they are in Kyiv, but in fact - in Krivoy Rog. And I thought men were more dreamers than women. Wrong!
It is very important when exactly to respond to a man’s messages: in 5 seconds, in 5 minutes, in a week? When looking for a partner for the rest of your life, oddly enough, it is statistically better to answer in a day. It makes a good impression on men. No need to write to him at 4 in the morning, as is often the case (what if he is not alone!). A person needs to be given the opportunity to marinate.
After you have made sure on the Internet that the man suits you, you do not need to delay the meeting. During our experiment, there were examples when I offered: "Let me call on the phone." The girls answered: "No, it's better to write." And this "better write" can last five days! Perhaps this is the influence of literature, which we have always been on a special account, in contrast to painting and photography. Or women feel satisfaction from the fact that someone writes: "You have beautiful legs, kind eyes, I would like to raise children with you." It doesn't matter who writes it. And anyone can write - a pervert, another woman, a child ... No need to enter into lengthy correspondence with the devil knows who.
It is also important to choose the right meeting place. No need to meet in the park, as one of the girls suggested to me. She stated that she was interested in taking a walk in nature, and she did not want to go anywhere else. What could I think of this girl? Can't you meet me at the cafe? What if I'm a pervert? Moreover, before the partner arrives, it is better to sit at the next table. Maybe he will be so ugly that you do not want to talk to him at all.
If you like a man, you need to build relationships correctly. For example, in the West, women break the period from dating to marriage into several stages. It all starts with an acquaintance, then there is a personal meeting, after which - a period of polygamy. That is, a woman assumes that the man she met, whom she liked, has the right to maintain relations with others for some time. According to women in other countries, this period is from 6 to 12 months. Only the next stage involves monogamy, after it - living together, then - marriage. And our women are often maximalists. They believe that immediately after meeting all the girlfriends of a man should "fly off", and suffer greatly if this does not happen. My friendly advice: give the man the opportunity to "pay off old debts." I understand that if crazy love arises, then 6-12 months is difficult to endure. But if this is a mature feeling, then you can understand that this unfortunate person should be given the opportunity to "close unpaid accounts."
What are my chances?
Before starting the search, we must find that point of internal support, which will give us moral support and keep our motivation. To find it, you need to do just two exercises that may change your life forever.
Exercise I
First of all, before starting the search, you must decide why you need a man and a family. This is not an idle question! Take a piece of paper, sit in a secluded place and start writing point by point why you need a family, a man and what you want to achieve in your union. Points - at least 100! Trust me, this list will reveal all your needs, and then allow you to separate the true needs from the false ones that prevent you from meeting a good man to create a family. Imposed ideals and negative stereotypes interfere with you, and during this exercise you can easily identify them and change your internal attitudes, cleaning your consciousness (and often your subconscious) from children's ideas about the family.
The fact is that our internal limitations and attitudes are very well read by the people around us, otherwise why do we constantly find ourselves in the same situations?
How to do the exercise correctly?
Here it is important not to think too much, but to write everything that comes to mind. Don't write generic phrases like, "I want to be taken care of." Describe what "care" means! It can sound like this: "I want us to cook dinner together" or, for example, "I want someone to make tea for me." Or, for example, such a request: “I want to get married because my neighbor Nyura is already tired of her questions” or “I want to tell someone how my day went”, etc. When you, without hesitation, write everything that comes to your mind, you turn off logic and mind, and all your subconscious inner ideas come out.
Do not rush, you can do this exercise for several days! Trust my experience that you will deeply review and analyze your ideas about marriage and family. I am sure that you will "dig up" a lot of interesting things! For example, I thought about it for several days and carried a notebook with me, writing down everything that came to mind on this topic.
When you finish the list, set it aside for a couple of days and then reread it. First, cross off 20 items that are not very important to you. For example, you thought that you can tell your girlfriend about how your day went, and for this you don’t need to get married at all. Or digging in the country is nice and alone ... The next day, cross out another 15, then 10 points daily.
What will you get as a result? Re-reading all your expectations, you will see all your limitations, which prevent the men around you from approaching you! It doesn't matter if it's on the street or on a dating site. You will see the absurdity of some of your attitudes towards marital relations, the frivolity of some claims to a man and expectations from them. For example, you wrote that “I want to be understood”… Great! And what does “understood” mean, what are you ready to tell about yourself so that they understand you? Or, for example, are you ready to understand?
By the end of the week, 5 points should remain - something that you cannot refuse in any way, what the words “family” and “family union” really mean to you. These are your true needs, that for which you are ready to start searching and for which you can change your life! As a result, you will see what you really expect from a man and family relationships! And all the points crossed out turn out to be just imposed stereotypes!
With each item consciously crossed off the list of expectations from a man and ideas about family relationships You become a more loyal, more tolerant and wiser woman. Various small requirements will seem unimportant and even ridiculous to you. You are acutely aware of what “love”, “trust”, “care”, “family”, etc. means. Do you understand how you make your angels' work easier?
Exercise II
The second exercise is no less important! Take a piece of paper again, divide it with a vertical line. Sit comfortably in a quiet place, close your eyes and start visualizing your future man: what he looks like, what manner of communication, timbre of speech, temperament, etc. Also imagine what his hobbies and exemplary lifestyle are, which is very, very important!!! At the same time, imagine how you, with your lifestyle and interests, will fit into his life.
Write down all the qualities of a man that are valuable to you: attractiveness, neatness, friendliness, sociability, empathy, etc. and put it all in the left column of a sheet of paper. Having finished the list (and there should be at least 100 character traits), write in the right column how you could make a man with such a character happy, what personal qualities could you offer him in return?
For example, if you want him to be loyal to your relatives or girlfriends, are you ready to be just as loyal to his mother or brother, without any conditions? If you dream of going to theaters with him and reading books together, can you also support his passion for football or computer games? Those. take a look at each item on the list and take a close look at yourself and your script for living together. Then we proceed as in the first exercise: daily we cross out unimportant qualities male character. There will be only 5 points left (but the most important ones!), and it is much easier to find a man by 5 points than by a hundred matches, right?!
Perhaps you used to think that your demands are the most important, and you are worthy of the attention of the man of your dreams without any concessions. Yes, they deserve it! But, my dears, you will have to “move over”! And not only on the couch (in parallel giving way to the TV remote control), but also in your planned life schedule! No other way!
"I'm not looking for anyone!"
Having finished with the definition of your true needs and resolutely accepting all the consequences of your decision to live in a pair with a man, you can begin to search for a husband.
I can already hear (on the back of the monitor) the thoughts of some women saying: “I will not look for anyone - fate, if it exists, will find me!” I agree with you girls! But you must agree with me that all our subconscious and conscious mental attitudes direct the events of our lives! Those. what happens is what we believe in, what we think about and how we relate to men and marriage ties.
Get your head in order - get your life in order! There is no other! How to find a husband is already a matter of technology! Or rather, even to say that he himself will find you! The main thing is not to miss the person you need and not to run “for the non-existent”.
Article pages about virtual love
