The maternal instinct is blunted. What is maternal instinct? Main Consequences of Overprotection
“When are you going to have a baby? Don't you feel that your body requires it? - after such questions, annual meetings with classmates want to be avoided like a coven of witches. It begins to seem that society wants to see you as a mother much more than you want it yourself. Things are no better when you have already experienced the joy of motherhood, but for some reason you are not going to quit your job and spend 24 hours a day with your child - they immediately try to suspect you of utter selfishness or natural inferiority ...
Is there really some kind of mechanism that should suddenly activate a passionate desire to become a mother, and it is you who have technical problems with it? Relax, such a device does not yet exist, but it is worth talking about such a “fictitious invention” as maternal instinct in detail and separately.
A photo posted by Natalia Vodianova (@natasupernova) on Jun 4, 2014 at 12:47am PDT
The study of the maternal instinct as a historical phenomenon was carried out in the 1980s by the French writer Elisabeth Badinter. By the way, she owns the title of the most influential intellectual in France in 2010 and the biting saying that “motherhood is new form slavery" in our time. The author came to such a radical position for a reason: she focused on the study of motherhood in different eras and discovered that the maternal instinct is not at all a quality inspired by nature that wakes up in each of us sooner or later, but a cultural phenomenon that changed its meaning in different years. Badinter, for example, found references to the so-called maternal instinct in the Bible and, in doing so, described in detail the complete absence of this idea in the 17th and XVIII centuries. The proof of the latter is that feeding and caring for children in that distant era was considered the privilege of servants: mothers deliberately avoided contact with the baby, passing it into the hands of nannies. During these times, children did not appear in the paintings, because they were considered a kind of imperfect version of adults, and infant mortality was extremely high due to the indifference of medicine to the offspring of the younger generation.
And now it would be a sin not to remember the standard saying of any enthusiastic teacher of economics, who believes that it is the latter that is the engine of all changes in society. With the advent of the industrial revolution and capitalism, the concept of motherhood has undergone major changes. In the second half of the XVIII century, the Enlightenment era with its rationalism and focus on the personality of the individual reigned, and the economy began to develop by leaps and bounds. In the new ideology, each human life gained value, and the process of educating a member of society turned into a kind of ritual that accompanied and nourished the “myth of motherly love” - a social invention of a society that, more than ever, needed a labor force, and not at all a characteristic female trait inherited from nature.
The most famous French sociologist of the 20th century, Pierre Bourdieu, used concepts such as “socialization of the biological” and “biologization of the social” to explain social processes. In the prism of motherhood, under the first one, one can see an asymmetric division of roles in marriage according to the biological basis of sex (a woman is a mother, a man is a breadwinner), and under the second, an attempt to find natural roots, to attribute to higher powers such a social phenomenon as conscious motherhood. Unfortunately, fatherhood does not acquire the same area of beauty in our society ...
A photo posted by Gisele Bündchen (@gisele) on Dec 10, 2013 at 8:00am PST
More recent psychological research at the end of the 20th century confirms that the maternal instinct is not an innate, but an acquired ability. Those feelings that we experience after the birth of a child have exclusively social roots and are the result of an educational process, namely, developed empathy as a typically “female” property, which from childhood, through dolls and passive play activities, instills in us sympathy and empathy towards others. Our boy friends are forbidden to cry out of hurt (this is an "unmanly" reaction), while we, on the contrary, are allowed this weakness. What is it about motherhood? Many years later, we begin to reproduce educational models: when we hear a child’s cry, we are the first to jump up to calm him down, accepting the mission of a sympathetic object from society and secretly transferring the status of a cold and indifferent subject to a man. In other words, we are not born caring mothers and wives, but all our lives, according to the patriarchal attitudes rooted in society, we learn to be them, taking the maternal instinct for granted and, unfortunately, not drawing a parallel between a husband who is indifferent to raising babies and a growing son who is forbidden to cry. , but boxing and cars are allowed ...
When we see the next news that a young woman committed suicide by taking her own child with her to the other world, or, even worse, decided to kill the baby, I want to think that this is not true, a shocking duck abandoned by the media, but alas… It’s scary, it hurts to talk about it, but if you keep silent, pretending that there is no problem, it can only get worse. First of all, we tried to figure out whether in this situation we can talk about a certain risk group. To do this, we turned to an expert.
Unfortunately, such tragedies cannot be called isolated. This has always happened. In the Chelyabinsk region, every three to four months we learn about crimes against babies. Mothers abandon newborns, beat them, take their lives. This is condemned by society and entails criminal liability, but little has changed, - says Olga Plekhanova, columnist for the Access News Agency, - Most often, such cases occur in dysfunctional families where parents abuse alcohol, but it also happens that mothers fall into in an inadequate state due to various problems - both real and far-fetched. Often these women are diagnosed with some kind of mental disorder. Each case has its own characteristics, so I would not want to generalize. But, probably, half of the tragedies could have been prevented if those around - relatives and friends - were more attentive to such families.
Thus, we see that there is no clear portrait of a woman who is capable of committing a crime. But then there are reasons that can provoke young mothers to terrible acts. Knowing these reasons, you can prevent a possible tragedy in the families of your acquaintances, friends or relatives.
Why is this happening?
The first and most important thing to note is that the trigger for such actions is a state of strong, long-term stress. As a rule, this does not happen just like that, abruptly and spontaneously. But if a woman is depressed for a long time, she may decide to take such a step. And yet, there are several reasons leading to fatal consequences. Together with an expert, psychologist Yana Sinyavina, we will consider each.
female loneliness
A woman is a collective, emotional being, it is very important for her to have someone with whom to talk, it is important to take care of someone. If she cannot realize herself, she feels cut off from society, unnecessary, begins to self-flagellate, look for reasons why there is no one around her.
Traumatization
It may seem to you that this item is not directly related to childbirth and the fact that a woman is on maternity leave, but in fact this is not entirely true. After all, an injury is not only a broken leg, and it can be not only physical, but also mental. For example, a person who has experienced a serious shock - violence or the loss of a loved one (on a stress scale this is 10 out of 10), in 100 percent of cases has this mental trauma. And if at that moment a person did not receive support, he may not know how to continue to live, and in order not to suffer, he decides to take such a step. So if a woman has experienced a difficult birth, she is at risk.
financial crises
A lot of women are used to taking care of themselves on their own, without outside help. And if a woman loses her earnings, she cannot find new job She is worried about this. Loneliness accompanies the fatal outcome of the case, especially if a woman has children. She may decide to die to remove responsibility (I'm leaving, and someone will take care of the child), or she may decide to kill the child so that it does not interfere with earning more money. “Of course, a fatal event in this case may be the result of the first two reasons,” Yana Sinyavina clarifies, “an adequate person will not do this.”
Unstable psyche
Another factor that can provoke a woman to commit a terrible act is an overly mobile psyche.
Perhaps a person is not even diagnosed with any deviation in the psyche, but he is very emotional, quick-tempered, infantile, unable to make decisions, - by nature, - says Yana Sinyavina, - as, however, an unstable psyche can be due to mental trauma, which was not cured at the right time. So many people live with such serious injuries, and it seems that it was a long time ago and this life is not being affected in any way. But in fact, if a person was once a victim, and this is not worked out, an incompleteness keeps inside him. There was an event, it was not necessary to react, but the offender was released, they could not defend themselves, there was no reaction, but all this remained in the body, in the psyche, and this gives increased nervousness. If the injury is not treated, increased emotionality, jerkiness can jump out into a state of passion.
It is worth noting that many do not believe in the existence of such a thing as a state of affect, although it does exist. And in some cases really justifies the actions of a person. When we experience a feeling of rage and anger, the part of the brain responsible for rationality turns off, and we turn into primitive beings, instincts take over, and we do not understand what he is doing. A young mother, caring for a child without support, not getting enough sleep, exhausted by everyday problems, being in a state of mental exhaustion, no longer understands where reality is and where it is not. And the inability to change something overshadows the mind. In this case, the incessant cry of the child can provoke a state of affect, which will last for a few seconds and immediately stop when silence comes. And only then will the woman realize that she has just committed a crime.
There are a lot of stories of successful mothers walking around the net, who have time for everything, while they have five children, and everyone is beautifully dressed and shod, and everyone is happy. When we look at it, from the outside it seems that everything is easy and great, but in reality, rarely anyone can bring it to life. “Moms very often do not correspond to the ideals that are shown on TV,” says Yana Sinyavina, “and at this moment an internal conflict begins between what a mother wants to be and how everything really happens. Moms dig in their emotions, start to spread rot on themselves.”
In addition, there is a lot of violence, cruelty, criminal news in the media, emotions such as grief, fear, aggression, anger, rage lie in the atmosphere of the collective unconscious - we live in these emotions, from morning to evening. We are saturated with these emotions and begin to radiate and demonstrate it ourselves.
How to resist?
We can talk about what support the state should provide, but all this will be empty words, because solving the problem at the legislative level is not a matter of one month. But the problem already exists and can knock on the door. That is why now the prevention of such situations should be carried out in the family.
It is very important to be closer to each other, to provide help, support. If a woman lives alone with a child, she may be periodically offered to sit with him so that she can go about her business. It is also important to look closely at the condition of any young mother. Because it is possible to determine by some “bells” that she is not doing well, that she is depressed, says Yana Sinyavina. - Maybe she says strange phrases, writes a will, travels around all relatives and friends. Sometimes there is withdrawal into oneself - you can notice that the behavior has changed and is not typical for a woman: she is closed, does not make contact, limits meetings, and she has emotional outbursts - this indicates depression.
In addition, if relatives know that a woman has experienced a psychological trauma, and she had a serious shock, you need to pay attention to this, because after childbirth it can worsen.
A woman can help herself
In solving any difficult life problem, there is self-help. In this case, if a problem has come up, a person needs to understand that he is not alone - there are people around, public organizations, churches, social workers ready to help. You need to ask for help from those around you.
It is very important to deal with stress prevention - if a person cannot cope on his own, he should go to a specialist.
In addition, it is easier to survive all problems if there is faith in higher power. The fact that a person is not alone, that there are guardian angels, fate - no matter what exactly. The important thing is to believe in the presence of some invisible helper.
And, finally, I would like to say that people who are engaged in self-improvement have an inner core that will not allow them to act irresponsibly with their lives and the life of a child.
Today we will talk about maternal instinct. In the world, perhaps, there is not a single scientist who could clearly formulate the definition of the maternal instinct, since the very content of the concept of "maternal instinct" is not defined. The material presented in this article is an attempt to translate the conclusions of studies of both domestic and foreign scientists from the scientific language into "universal" language. And since the concept of "maternal instinct" is widespread in our society and surrounded by a large number of myths, I hope the materials presented below will help readers to better understand the nature of motherhood.
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The ideas about motherhood adopted in modern society differ significantly from the images of mothers inherent in previous eras. Thus, Lloyd de Mose describes a typical case for colonial Boston: “After dinner, the mother put the children to bed in a room where they slept alone, and the parents went to visit a neighbor. Upon return<...>the mother went to the bed and did not find the youngest child (a girl about five years old). After a long search, she was found fallen into a well in their basement.<...>, the parents considered the child's death a "punishment" for working on a holiday." Apparently, the death of the child was not evaluated by either the mother or the father as a result of their negligence, but only as a "God's punishment" for violation of religious rules that are not directly related to parenthood.
This example is only a small indication of how children, motherhood and parenthood were treated until the end of the 18th century. Here, as well as possible, the proverb fits: "God gave, God took." In poor proletarian and peasant families (namely, such families made up the majority of the population of both Russia and Europe), another pregnancy was not perceived as a joy, because an “extra mouth” appeared in the family, and the woman lost her former working capacity for some time. And, on the contrary, the death of children was often perceived positively, as the family got rid of the “extra mouth”. Women from noble families considered shameful breast-feeding and hired wet nurses for their babies (poor women whose children died shortly after birth).
Maternal love, in the form in which we talk about it today, as a norm began to take shape only towards the end of the 18th century. At the end of the 18th - beginning of the 19th centuries, the “new mother” begins to take care of the child differently: it becomes unfashionable to send the child to boarding schools, it becomes fashionable to communicate with the child, breastfeeding, which noble mothers decide on, also becomes acceptable (in the literature this was reflected in the image Natasha Rostova). It was shameful not to love children.
If we ask ourselves what the maternal instinct is in the minds of most people, we will get something like this: “This is the love of a mother for a child, the desire to take care of him and take care of him, the desire to protect him from adversity, the willingness to give his life for him,” etc. . But we all know of cases where women kill their children, either with their own hands or as a result of negligence. Numerous media outlets tell us about such cases, and, unfortunately, quite often ... It turns out that if there is a maternal instinct, then, as a biologically given to us, women, the phenomenon should be inherent in each of us? And what about women who leave their children in maternity hospitals, who hand them over to shelters and boarding schools? And what about women who lead an asocial lifestyle and simply forget to feed their children? Where is their maternal instinct?
At the same time, we know cases when mothers sacrifice their own lives in order to save the life of a child (remember the stories about the war, when women covered children with their own bodies, exposing themselves to bullets, but saving children's lives?), For years (and sometimes decades) grief associated with the death of children born or who have not had time to be born, selflessly nurse seriously ill babies, refusing any benefits and comfort ...
Even if we do not talk about cases of extreme, out of the ordinary, then almost every prosperous (let's take this conditional concept to describe healthy mothers of healthy babies) mother devotedly takes care of her child, sacrifices sleep and rest, and sometimes relationships with her husband, refuses to many blessings and pleasures, giving all of yourself to the baby. Sometimes she is overcome by fatigue, and she cries from impotence, but still continues to fulfill her maternal duty, feels a physical connection with the baby, does not tolerate, even for a short time, separation from him.
Research by scientists has reliably confirmed that the formation of maternal behavior is significantly influenced by the social environment (expectations of others from a woman, a threat to social status, attitude towards extramarital pregnancy, career interests, etc.), as well as the traditions of motherhood accepted in society in every historical period.
So, in cases where the birth of a child is not welcomed or even condemned by the social environment, women use various, including very harsh methods, to get rid of the child. And this applies not only to past times, but also to the present. So, there are still cases in villages when an illegitimate child of a single woman (young and not very young) is either killed by her own mother, or thrown to strangers, or left in a maternity hospital. The unlucky mother hides the fact of her pregnancy and childbirth (often she succeeds in this) and hopes that life will go on as usual, as before.
In addition, the formation of maternal qualities and what we call maternal instinct is significantly influenced by a woman's experience in relationships with her own mother. Motherhood is born in a woman not when she gave birth, but when she was born herself. It is the earliest experience of a girl’s relationship with her mother that lays in her the abilities necessary for the implementation of motherhood, such as: sensuality and sensitivity, trust and the ability to give, sincerity and tenderness, as well as unconditional love for children.
Women who had difficulties in relationships with their mothers, who lacked maternal love and affection, experience serious difficulties in their own motherhood. As an extreme option, they refuse motherhood in general, giving preference to career interests, or shift the care of the child onto the shoulders of the state (placing the child in social institutions), in milder cases - the care of the child is shifted to the shoulders of relatives (grandmothers and aunts), hired helpers (nannies). At the same time, if a woman-mother belongs to the socially prosperous strata of the population, then the transfer of maternal functions to third parties always occurs under a plausible pretext (you can’t interrupt your studies at a university, you can’t lose a prestigious job, you need to urgently defend a dissertation, etc.), which, however, upon closer examination, it turns out to be untenable (you can always take academic leave, you can make a career after parental leave, like a dissertation).
Women from lower social strata find less “elevated” excuses - no money, nowhere to live, and an absolutely amazing argument: “We need to arrange personal life". Any successful and loving mother will confirm: all the arguments presented are not worth a penny. But even if a woman, disliked by her own mother in childhood, raises her child herself, she is more often than other mothers irritated with him, gets tired of him faster and more often, and more acutely experiences forced social isolation associated with caring for an infant. It goes without saying that the children of such mothers have a higher risk of developing emotional and behavioral disorders, and are more likely to get sick.
Researchers who prefer a sociocentric position are convinced that the maternal instinct is a myth. In their opinion, maternal love is a concept that not only evolves, but is also filled with different content in different periods of history. Three main social female roles are considered: mother, wife and a freely realized woman, and different female roles dominate in different eras: “A woman becomes a better or worse mother, depending on whether motherhood is valued or depreciated in society.” In this case, motherhood is one of the social roles of women, so even if the need to be a mother is inherent in women's nature, social norms and values have a decisive influence on motherhood.
It is not worth explaining that a person, despite the mind and spirituality, is also a biological being, and much that is inherent in animals is inherent in us. Just like all mammals, women breastfeed their children, and the process of conception and gestation is not so different from how it happens in animals of the order of mammals. In this regard, ethologists have conducted and are conducting research related to the care of offspring, observing representatives of the animal world and finding signs of similarity with how this happens in humans. One of the most prominent representatives of ethology, Bowlby, developed the concept of the formation of attachment, which is the most important condition not only for the normal development of the child, but also for his survival.
The phenomenon of attachment was originally described in animals and birds, as an example is the goose and her brood, which relentlessly follows her. It turns out that the formation of attachment between mother and baby is just as important for a person. It is formed gradually, even from the moment of conception, and reaches its peak seven to eight months after the birth of a child. The formation of a mother's attachment to an infant is a biological process rather than a social or psychological one, and it occurs under the influence of both instinctive reactions (to the smile and "coo" of the child, his facial expression and dependence on the mother), and hormonal changes occurring in mother's body and during pregnancy, and during childbirth, and during breastfeeding. So, some odors associated with the life of the baby are perceived by mothers as pleasant, while everyone around wrinkles their noses.
In general, the development of mother's attachment to the child after childbirth, from the point of view of physiology, contains three important components:
The presence of a child changes the level of hormones in the mother's blood (estrogens, progestins, testosterone and prolactin), which stimulate maternal behavior in a woman. When the mother and the newborn are separated, the level of the corresponding hormones changes, a stressful hormonal pattern is formed.
Physical and emotional contact between mother and child in the first 36 hours after birth ensures an adequate hormonal response in the mother's body and contributes to the formation of attachment between them during the neonatal period.
Breastfeeding, provided by the hormone prolactin, stimulates the release of endorphins, which provides physiological support for the development of attachment.
So, maternal behavior is formed under the influence of three main factors:
Biological (genetically embedded forms of behavior and reactions, hormonal changes);
Social (traditions of motherhood accepted in society, the influence of the immediate social environment);
Psychological (personal history of a woman, experience of relationships with her own mother).
Summarizing the above, we can say that maternal care and attachment to the child are so deeply embedded in the real biological conditions of conception and gestation, childbirth and breastfeeding that only complex social attitudes can completely suppress them. Women by their very nature are mothers, unless they are specially taught to deny their childbearing qualities: “Society must distort their self-consciousness, pervert the innate laws of their development, commit a whole series of abuses against them during their upbringing so that they stop wanting to take care of their child , at least for several years, for they have already fed him for nine months in the safe haven of their bodies ”(M. Mead).
Where pregnancy is punished by social disapproval and an insult to marital feelings, women may go to great lengths to avoid having children. If a woman's sense of the adequacy of her sexual role is grossly distorted, if childbirth is hidden by anesthesia that prevents the woman from realizing that she has given birth to a child, and breastfeeding is replaced by artificial feeding according to pediatric prescriptions, then under these conditions a significant violation of maternal feelings is revealed.
No one can accurately explain what the maternal instinct is, but by studying the question asked in the topic of the article, we got the opportunity to find out how difficult and subtle the path to successful motherhood is, and this knowledge only increases its value.
Mom gave life...
... and immediately took her away, insisting on an abortion as soon as possible.
...and, while on parental leave, beat her eldest, 4-year-old daughter to death with a stick.
... and in severe frost she put the stroller with a 3-month-old baby on a balcony blown by all the winds, so that the baby would sleep and not cause unnecessary trouble with continuous crying. Once, after a 10-hour (!) sleep on the balcony, the baby did not wake up. Frozen.
... and, wrapping the newborn in rags, threw it into the cesspool.
... and after a couple of hours she wrote a refusal letter to the child, not even wanting to look at him.
... but she could not love her little blood. Because everyone was waiting for the heir: husband, grandparents, aunts and uncles. And she ... She just broke down under the burden of public opinion that a family without a child is only half of the family.
Hormones not jumped?
What is maternal instinct? When and how should it appear? Is it based on genetics or is it an acquired quality? Scientists still cannot come to a consensus. Although the answer, it would seem, lies on the surface, in the term itself. Instinct is a biologically determined and genetically inherited impulse of a living being to a certain behavior or mode of action. In fairness, it should be noted that there are much more supporters of the theory of "innate" feelings of motherhood. American scientists, after conducting numerous studies, came to the conclusion that the severity of the maternal instinct directly depends on the hormonal status of the female body. More precisely, from the content in the blood of the so-called adrenocorticotropin-releasing factor, a hormone involved in the regulation of pancreatic functions. The more the hormone is produced, the better the mother and vice versa ...
Maybe that's why the number of children abandoned by their parents to their fate is only growing all over the world, and abortion clinics are never empty? Maybe due to the fact that the body does not produce a certain hormone, criminal reports now and then shock with bloody details of the massacre of defenseless crumbs? Too simple explanation of Pavlovian "complex unconditioned reflex". Too easy an excuse for parental cruelty. An overly obvious solution to private "parent-child" relationships and global socio-demographic problems: he injected a hormone and ... give birth - take care - educate.
Social background
Maternal instinct, and this is my purely personal opinion, is nothing more than a myth, - says psychologist Marina Gernovich. “It is natural for a woman to be a mother. Her body is designed in such a way that she can conceive, endure, give birth to a child, breastfeed him. But social attitudes are quite capable of completely suppressing the maternal instinct. No, humanity will not die out. The desire to continue the human race is inherent in nature itself. But it has nothing to do with parental (let's take this concept more broadly) instinct. Let's turn to history. In Japanese villages, for example, until the beginning of the 20th century, it was not considered reprehensible to kill a newborn boy. He could not be profitably sold to the city or married. Actually, this was the justification for numerous murders. The Bedouins, on the contrary, got rid of girls, because they believed that there should be more men in the family. And what about the fight against overpopulation in China, when a family should have no more than one child? In general, the deeper into history, the less care for children, the more likely a child is to be killed, abandoned, beaten ...
One way or another, motherhood implies a full return - moral, material, psychological, emotional. With regard to the present time, it is unthinkable to demand it. "U modern women Belarusians are no exception, the motivation for personal development has only increased in recent decades, - Marina Gernovich argues. - Almost every second potential mother builds her life model according to the principle: first - a career, then - material well-being, and only after that you can think about children. Who will undertake to condemn her? We live in a consumer society, when it is customary to think about yourself first and live for yourself. It is not known why women began to give birth more today: is it because life has become better (and this cannot be denied - in Belarus public policy considers the family as a priority); or because it was time for the 80s generation to have children, when the baby boom was also observed. But in neither case can one speak of maternal instinct. Rather, this is an indicator that the innate reflex (if we allow its existence) reduces: girls and women, for the most part, give birth, because "there must be a child in the family", "then it will be too late", "in old age there will be no one provide water", "the state helps mothers a lot" ... Of them, only a small fraction give birth, so to speak, by vocation.
I don't give birth because I love
If we accept the point of view of Marina Gernovich that there is no maternal instinct, but there are social conditions and a woman’s personal motivation for childbearing, one can easily justify and understand women who have abortions or deliberately refuse to become pregnant and give birth (the so-called childfree). Respect is worthy of a mother by vocation. But no less respect is deserved by the one who understands that she cannot be a good mother, does not provide for her child, does not give him at least what is necessary, and therefore does not give birth. Worthy, because it is not deceived by the "mug - everything will come by itself", but clearly realizes that "everything", alas, may not come. In a sense, this is also a manifestation of love.
If you think about it, it’s not so important whether there is a maternal instinct or not, and what motivated the mother from the parable of King Solomon, who agreed to give her child to a strange woman, just to save his life: all-encompassing love or "fear of taking sin on the soul ". The main thing is that the relationship between parents and children should be harmonious and no one should suffer from the fact that "my mother does not love me" or "this child is a burden for me." As for me, it’s better not to give birth at all than, having given birth, to harm the baby. In every sense.
self enmity
Not so long ago, all television channels showed a story about a young mother who strangled her one-year-old son with a pillow. He cried and prevented her from going to the disco. Later, in one of the maternity hospitals, mommy accidentally dropped a newborn baby from a window on the 4th floor. Another mother of many children, having been discharged from the maternity hospital, hanged herself in her yard. Four babies were left orphans, the youngest of which is only a week old ...
It would seem, what is the connection between these dramatic cases? Neither one, nor the other, nor the third, although they are not isolated, are not the norm, just as the behavior of mothers is not normal. For all the inexplicable nature of the maternal instinct, it is natural for a woman to comfort a child when he cries; hold him tighter if he is in danger; First of all, think about the future of the baby, rather than about your own. Otherwise, we can safely talk about deviations.
Postpartum depression is a fairly common mental disorder. According to statistics, from 40 to 60 percent of women who have given birth are subject to it to one degree or another. Irritation, fatigue, tearfulness, a feeling of depression, disbelief in oneself and one's own strength to cope with the chores and worries about the child are the main signs of a depressive state. But few people attribute them to a mental disorder, attributing them to "natural fatigue after pregnancy, childbirth and the first - the most difficult - months of caring for a baby."
Almost every woman experiences the so-called birth blues - a short-term nervous breakdown, - explains Nina Vlasova, head of the 4th women's psychiatric department of the Republican Clinical Psychiatric Hospital. - The main cause of the blues is hormonal changes in the body. Blues usually come and go within a week and do not require treatment. A woman may simply not pay attention to them. Another thing is a disorder that occurs later, 1 to 2 months after discharge from the maternity hospital. Postpartum depression of a mild degree, in principle, does not interfere with the life and care of the baby, it can go away on its own - just an attentive attitude towards the woman from the husband and relatives, help in fulfilling the new duties that have fallen on her is enough. A severe degree is fraught with the most unexpected and serious consequences (especially if any of the relatives of the young mother suffered from nervous disorders): she can commit suicide; may beat the child or completely ignore him and not give him even the most necessary things (do not feed, bathe, change clothes). In the end, she can take his life. Being a sick person who needs qualified help from a specialist doctor, a woman is not able to be responsible for her actions. But he will be very sorry about them when he "comes back to normal." Only then it may be too late.
The problem is that if a tooth hurts, everyone will go to the dentist. If fatigue, irritability, and even tearfulness unusual before suddenly fall down, only a few will remember the psychotherapist. To get a driver's license, you need to get a certificate from a psychiatrist that you are "adequate". To give birth to a child and be responsible for it, this is not required. Neither before nor after the hospital, no one recommends that the mother visit a psychotherapist to assess her emotional state and ability to cope with life's difficulties. Moreover, there is no such specialist in any maternity ward of the country!
Blaming the lack of maternal instinct (the existence and exact definition of which even scientists cannot agree on) aggression, cruelty or indifference of a woman towards her own child is a waste of time. Another thing is to know exactly about the presence of mental and nervous disorders, the manifestation of which provokes, paradoxically, the birth of a new person, and let everything take its course. Thus endangering the life and health of two: mother and child.
It is important to know
Early signs of postpartum depression:
Passivity, slowness, silence (if earlier the woman was active and talkative); - fatigue, constant desire to lie down, relax; - fluctuations in mood (uncharacteristic before); - low self-esteem ("I can't do it, I can't, I won't be able to..."); - sleep disturbance; - increased unmotivated anxiety, irritability, tearfulness.
Seek immediate medical attention if the mother:
Does not feel any good feelings for the child, and he is already more than a month old; - cannot eat; - cannot go outside unaccompanied; - cries all the time while awake; -begins to ask for forgiveness for misdeeds committed in different periods life; - talks a lot and often about death; - gives instructions on how and who will take care of the child if she "suddenly disappears"; - if the mother's condition threatens her life; - if the condition of the mother threatens the life of her baby.
Valentina MOHOR
Psychologists believe that all our instincts as a whole are smoothed out, obscured by the influence of the environment. Still, we are not animals, and not only our physiological essence controls our decisions and actions.
Our maternal affection is also not purely animal, but sanctified by spiritual, moral, moral, ethical standards the society in which we live. Society can raise maternal affection for children to the shield, welcome the baby boom, condemn mothers who treat their children coldly, as a result of which all mothers become super moms. Or maybe, on the contrary, look indifferently at their offspring and find a thousand excuses for those women who are not interested in their children. And all this is part of a common whole universe, which affects how the maternal instinct manifests itself in each individual.
Eg, there were periods in the life of society when prolific women of simple classes said: “God gave, God took,” and did not really worry about the loss of one child out of many of their children. And the ladies of high society did not raise them at all - they were sent to the village to the nurses and did not feel any remorse about this.
But in the 18th century, the ideas of humanism conquered the civilized world , Jean-Jacques Rousseau proclaimed that the child – also a person, sang motherhood, and it became fashionable to be a good mother. Another period began: women of high society, leaving secular salons, settled in children's rooms. They began to feed their own children. Public sentiments intensified, released their maternal instinct.
But the environment can both uplift and dull the instincts of a woman. All modern studies conducted in maternity hospitals, the purpose of which are mothers who abandon their children, prove that they are mainly women who are not socially protected by society: without permanent work, without permanent housing, without a husband, without education, who came to a big city from the patriarchal hinterland for happiness, but who did not receive even a small piece of it.
So, it turned out that among these poor fellows there were many who, already being pregnant, did not realize their pregnancy until the very late dates. They did not feel that the child was already moving in their stomach! They did not notice toxicosis, did not pay attention to their fullness, did not protect themselves from physical exertion ...
Psychologists explain this phenomenon as a crude psychological defense: the social conditions of these women were such that they had nowhere to put their children, so the instinct of motherhood froze in them to such an extent that they did not even see obvious physiological changes in themselves. And if the circumstances were different, it is quite possible that these women would have reacted differently to their children.
When a girl who until recently was only busy with her studies, romantic dreams, searching for an interesting job, suddenly one fine day realizes that she wants a child, and begins to look with tenderness into all the baby strollers passing by, psychologists cannot say with certainty that it was in her that the instinct of motherhood woke up. Maybe it’s instinct, or maybe it’s the latent, unconscious influence of society: the opinion of a mother who casually dropped that she and dad can’t wait for grandchildren, or an example of girlfriends who have already had babies, or medical explanations that the birth of a healthy child is not worth postpone until the age of 40 - the reproductive age of a woman is short ...
If you can dull the maternal instinct, then you can strengthen it, adjust it. Old obstetricians say that today our women are less attached to newly born children than their generation of mothers. It can hardly be said that this is not reflected in a negative way on the offspring.
Today, women's priorities include career, education, setting for personal success. The scales swung the other way. Interest in motherhood will not wake up in society until there is a real threat of the disappearance of the nation or until the new master of minds proclaims it a paramount value. And then the baby boom will happen again, and again women will exchange offices for nurseries. Development goes cyclically.
It would be just wonderful if motherhood became fashionable forever! But this is decided by society as a whole, and not by the private desire of the author of the article.
