We met a Turk and now we are texting. Topic: How serious can a relationship with a Turk be? Turkish men in relationships

There is no dispute about tastes and colors. Turkish proverb

Türkiye, like a patchwork quilt, is bright and multifaceted. For thousands of years, the culture of this country has absorbed the customs of many peoples of the Mediterranean, the Middle East, the Caucasus, Eastern Europe and Central Asia.

Modern Türkiye is a tolerant state where guests are welcome. But, like any other people, the Turks are pleased when visitors know their traditions. If they see that you are observing local etiquette, be sure that the Turks will show you the height of reverence and respect.

Peace in the country, peace in the world

Türkiye is a Muslim country. 96% of the population is Muslim. However, Türkiye is the first Muslim country where religion is separated from the state.

However, it is worth remembering that Islam has a huge impact on culture and everyday life local residents. Many rules of etiquette are dictated by the peculiarities of this religion.

If in large cities there are many progressive Europeanized youth (girls do not wear headscarves, couples can walk hand in hand, etc.), then in the Turkish outback, morals are much stricter.

Turks are sensitive to their history. And the main figure in its modern segment is Mustafa Ataturk.

He made Turkey what it is now, and the Turks are grateful to him for that. To say that Ataturk is revered is to say nothing. Speaking negatively about this political leader is disrespectful to the Turkish people.

There are also two topics that it is better not to touch upon in dealing with the Turks - the Kurds and Cyprus. In addition, do not call Istanbul Constantinople and confuse the capital of the state (the main city of Turkey now is Ankara).

Taaagil!

Arriving at a Turkish resort, we rarely take care to learn the local phrases of greeting and farewell. But in vain! Turks are very pleased when they hear "Merhaba" from a foreigner.

“Merhaba” (“merhaba” (sometimes “x” is not pronounced)) is a common greeting, translated as “Hello!”.

You can also often hear "Selam" ("selyam"), which means "Hello!" and used in informal settings.

When leaving, they say “Iyi günler” (“iyi gunler”), which literally translates as “Good afternoon!”, But when parting, it means “All the best!”. You can also say goodbye by saying:

Güle güle ("güle güle") - Goodbye (the rest say).
Hoşça kal ("hoshcha kal") - Happy to stay (says the outgoing one).
Goruüşürüz ("geruschuruz") - See you.

As for non-verbal communication, men (!), if they are close friends or relatives, can hug, kiss each other on the cheek when they meet. Stranger men greet each other with handshakes (they always give their right hand).

If a woman gives a handshake at a meeting, it looks strange. Because of this, tourists often get into trouble. For a Turk, sometimes, this gesture means that a woman is ready to get to know each other very closely.

Turkish etiquette strictly regulates the relationship between people of different generations. Turks revere the elderly. When addressing elders (if these are not relatives or close friends), it is customary to add a respectful suffix to the name - “bey” (“master”) or “khanym” (“mistress”).

Relatives of the older generation are greeted by kissing the hand (back of the hand) and applying it to the forehead.

To the question "How are you?" (“Nasılsiniz” - “Nasylsynyz”) most often respond positively - it is not customary to complain about your worries.

But be sure to use the "magic" words:

Teşekkürler (“tesheküler”) or teşekkür ederim (“teshekur ederim”) - thank you.
Lütfen ("Lutfen") - please (request).
Bir şey değil ("Bir schey deil") - please (gratitude).

Sign language

Turks use unusual body language for Europeans. When visiting this country, be careful with your usual gestures - for local residents, they may have a different meaning.

So, turning the head to the right or left (our “no” gesture) does not mean denial at all. Most often, this is how the Turks show misunderstanding - "I don't know what you're talking about."

A single nod of the head, like ours, means “Yes”, but the same gesture, accompanied by a click of the tongue, is already a firm “No”. In general, clicking the tongue in Turkish culture is a sign of denial, disapproval of something.

Snapping fingers, on the other hand, demonstrates a positive attitude. At the same time, it is impossible to replace this gesture with the usual thumbs up for us - in Turkey, this gesture is considered ugly.

To politely decline an offer or thank you for a favor in body language, place your hand on your chest.

On the street

The rules of conduct on the streets of Turkish cities and villages are dictated mainly by Islam. The more provincial the area, the stricter the morals and the more careful one should behave in public places.

As such, there is no dress code, but remember:

you can not approach mosques and other religious sites in shorts, short skirts, sweaters and dresses with bare shoulders.

Many tourists believe that beach fashion (swimsuits, pareos) can be transferred to the streets of the city. This is wrong. A promenade in a bathing suit or only shorts (without a top) looks at least strange.

As for behavior on the beach, here again it is worth remembering that the majority of Turks are Muslims. On the territory of many hotels it is not forbidden to sunbathe topless. But still, by local standards, it is vulgar.

If, while walking around the city, you suddenly want to take a picture of a Turkish man, you should ask him for permission; but photographing Turkish women (especially if they wear a headscarf) is not recommended at all.

Islam leaves its mark on the attitude towards alcohol. A foreigner can buy alcohol in a store (only in Ramadan the shelves with it are closed), but you should not drink it in a public place. Also, Turks rarely eat on the go.

By the way, during the holy month of Ramadan for Muslims, when believers abstain from food, water and smoking from sunrise to sunset, you should not eat or smoke in their presence. This will be your sign of respect, which will not go unnoticed.

In transport

In large Turkish cities (Istanbul, Ankara), special electronic cards are used to pay for public transport.

If you run out of money on it, don't worry - the locals are very responsive. They often help visitors by paying for their travel with their card.

At the same time, it is unlikely that it will be possible to thank them in cash in return - they will not take it. If the Turks help, then from the heart.

For a European, the Turkish transport system may seem like hell. (We are talking about large cities.) Drivers practically do not use turn signals - be careful! But they love to honk their horns. This is such a way of "communication". If we honk to warn of danger, then in Turkey - for any reason (green does not light up for a long time, a friend drove by, someone is driving too slowly in front, etc., etc.).

When landing in the subway or tram - a real flea market. The fact is that the Turks do not wait until the arrivals leave the car, they simply climb forward, pushing everyone aside.

On a bus or dolmush (Turkish "minibuses"), if there is a choice of seats, do not sit next to a woman you do not know if you are a man. This is not accepted. And for girls, on the contrary, it is better to choose a place next to the girls.

Away

Hospitality (misafirperverlik) is an important element of Turkish culture. Especially in the provinces. The guest is always offered all the best, regardless of the wealth of the family.

It is difficult to refuse an invitation to visit (and it is better not to do this) - it is always furnished with a number of elegant pretexts. If you really cannot accept it, then it is better to refer to employment - the Turks will understand this reason.

As for gifts for the owners of the house, in Turkey there is such a saying: "We ate sweetly - we talked sweetly." It can be taken literally - bring sweets as a gift. A souvenir from your country will also be an excellent present.

Did you see a bunch of shoes in the entrance or in front of the entrance to the house? Do not be surprised! This is a sure sign that the Turks live here. In Turkey, it is not customary to take off your shoes in the house (Turkish housewives keep cleanliness), shoes are left outside the threshold.

Slippers will be provided inside. In Turkish families, as a rule, there are special ones - “guest families”. Don't like walking in someone else's slippers? Bring your own. In Turkey, this act will be absolutely normal.

Turkish houses are usually divided into guest and private areas. Do not try to look behind closed doors and do not ask for a tour of the house - this is impolite.

Also, in some conservative families, it is not customary to start a meal without the permission of the elder and even smoke without his approval. By the way, many Turks smoke.

The visit is unlikely to last less than two hours. You will not only be given tea or coffee to drink, but also deliciously fed. But staying late is not recommended.

At the table

It is worth distinguishing between a home meal and lunch at a restaurant.

In the first case, traditional Turkish dinner, as a rule, takes place in the presence of all family members. At the same time, they eat at a low table, sitting "in Turkish" on the floor on pillows or mats. The feet are hidden under the table.

Dishes (they are usually three or more) are placed on a large tray and served on the table. From this tray, you can put food on your plate (with your hands or a common spoon). But you need to do this only with your right hand and in no case choose a better piece. This is the height of disrespect for the owners of the house.

On holidays, the national aniseed raki vodka (aka raki, aka raki) is often put on the table. Having made a toast, they clink only the bottoms of the glasses, and putting the vessel on the table, you need to think about those who could not be present with you.

At the table, it is considered uncivilized to talk without the permission of the elder, as well as open your mouth wide (for example, to use a toothpick).

If you are offered to try some dish (the hostess' signature dolma), you should not refuse, even if you are not hungry. Otherwise, you can offend the owners, and the questions “Not tasty?”, “Don’t like it?” - cannot be avoided. You don't have to finish it, but you should try.

As for lunch in a restaurant, here, most often, you can find European style - ordinary tables, chairs, serving.

Turks, like us, love tea. It is drunk many times a day. This is done from special glass pear-shaped glasses without a handle. This shape allows you to keep the drink hot longer and admire its beautiful rich color.

More than tea, the Turks like, perhaps, only sweet. They eat sweets whenever they want: before dinner, after dinner, before tea, after tea. But never with tea. If you start eating, for example, Turkish delight with tea, they will look at you askance. Also, do not order tea at the same time as the main course (instead of soda to wash down the meal).

It is customary to leave a tip in cafes and other establishments.

Business Etiquette

Turkish business culture is dualistic: on the one hand, the Turks try to do everything in a European way (business suits, business cards, handshakes), on the other hand, they cannot move away from their roots.

In communication with business partners personal relationships play an important role. It is customary to strengthen them at negotiations, which are often informal.

Lunch or dinner is always paid by the host. You should not ask the amount of the bill, and also tell it to your Turkish guests - this is a violation of etiquette.

Turkish businessmen are not always distinguished by German punctuality and straightforwardness. If possible, avoid strict deadlines and do not say categorically “No”. In Turkey polite refusal is a soft rejection.

At the beginning of a business meeting, it is customary to give compliments (for example, to a country, culture or company) and give souvenirs. During negotiations, Turkish partners can easily be distracted by the phone. Do not take it personally - this is just one of the features of Turkish.

In general, the Turks in business are emphatically polite, and expect this in return.

Bilmemek ayıp değil, sormamak öğrenmemek ayıp (It's shameful not to know - it's shameful not to learn. Turkish proverb)

Now you know how to behave in Turkey. Have something to add? Welcome to the comments.

Answers to Olga

Olga, hello.

A big minus is that your education is not completed, in any case, you need to figure out a way to get it. Maybe transfer for a point, or live with your loved one in Russia. As for what I encountered or not, this is an individual question. Ask openly without fear, your loved one what awaits you. From clothes, starting, ending, you will work or always sit at home.

Turks are good men, basically, that he will control you, call you all the time, ask everything in detail, perceive this as taking care of you ... and not that he wants to deprive you of your freedom. There are many Russians in Antalya, a lot… there is a great opportunity to realize oneself, to find friends. Izmir, Istanbul too good options for the life of a Russian girl. But to be honest, in other places in Turkey, I personally would not go to live in my life. If a man loves you, he must create favorable conditions for you, in no case do not agree to live with your parents in a small town. It will be very difficult for you, run back to your mother in half a year. And if the goal is to be together, start learning Turkish intensively, you will just need it like air

Good luck to you.

Thank you very much for your answer. Unfortunately, with my education, everything is not so simple. I will be able to transfer to part-time at least (!) in a year, and in order to live in Russia, my beloved needs a job. He has already called all possible Turkish firms in Moscow (I didn't even know that they exist), and at the moment all the places with his specialty are occupied. Moreover, in Turkey he is offered a lucrative contract for six months, he does not see other options for work ... And this means that I will not see him for at least another six months.

All his brothers contact me and say that the beloved is in a terribly depressed state. All these relationships at a distance affect him especially noticeably, because he takes on any job to provide for his future family. We talked about clothes and work - all his conditions are acceptable to me. Speaking about Turkish traditions, I meant such a tradition as, for example, kissing his mother's hand when meeting. On account of this, it is not very convenient for me to talk to him, can you tell me?

Anita, why are you saying it's not worth living with his family? They have very big house in where some of his cousins live with their families, and as far as I understand, for the first years we will live that way. He lives in Istanbul, in this regard I was lucky. The goal has been set, but there are so many various obstacles on the way to it that, out of impotence, you start looking for answers on forums from strangers. Thank you for your support and understanding. Waiting for an answer.

Olga

Olechka, I’m writing about this to you ... how can it not be convenient to know if you decide to connect life with a man from another country and mentality, ask him everything. So that later there would not be a lot of tears and disappointment. I don’t kiss my hand, because it’s not important in my husband’s family, and plus I said that I wouldn’t do it. because my family ... for example, if my grandmother sees this ritual, she will faint, and will consider that I am being tortured and humiliated. I told my husband if you don't want to be an enemy to my family, you have to compromise. Why is it bad to live with your parents, the first you will listen to their gibberish for days, it is not customary for them to sit in their rooms ... everyone goes into a large room and starts ... half a day of cleaning, half a day they drink tea together. The second is not to relax, not to dress as you want, not to sit as you want, not to cook what you want… Thirdly, with love, even normal time does not bring ears everywhere. Fourthly, most likely they will joke about you ... Russian gel, etc. the mentality is fundamentally different in everyday life, it will be very difficult for you. Plus, you are without friends, without relatives ... you will definitely have breakdowns, tears and depression. Believe me, there is one and the same picture before your eyes, millions of girls run away from such a life when the euphoria of falling in love subsides. Well, dropping out of college is very dangerous. You can live together for a couple of years and then run away, and you have zero behind you. I wouldn’t risk it, you can fly to each other for a year ... there are a lot of such examples by the way. My closest friend has been flying for three years now, her husband was waiting for her to graduate from the institute. If there is love, it will not go anywhere, but you need to respect yourself and bring your goals to the end.
I think maybe I'm rude writing, but the honest truth. Everything is wonderful that you have feelings ... but everyday life will eat everything. Do not be discouraged, calculate everything. Think things over with a cool head.

I don’t understand what’s happening at all ... My roof is moving off ... I’m corresponding with a Turk ... Initially, I asked about my status - do I have a man. Yes, I'm married, and said so, and said that I was not going to move. also older than him. he is 47 years old. I'm 53. I thought. what will disappear. He didn’t disappear ... he even called me to rest ... I would go ... but in order to escape from my husband, you need to carefully prepare everything. (I don’t have a very good relationship with my husband ... but they give me security in all respects) There was little time to prepare the soil, and I didn't go. He disappeared. I breathed a sigh of relief ... Then he drew himself again. How are you? You didn't say yes, and I went alone. sent a photo from the holiday. In general, pleasant conversations. Every day he sends postcards with roses. she says how beautiful ... Nice ... I took compliments, . but did not attach any importance to them - let him speak. Further, more ... And he wants to love me and all that ... My roof began to move away from such words ... He says he is divorced. works as a lawyer... Who knows what he works for...? Maybe the mullahs are grazing in some village... She asked several times to go on Skype to talk live... she keeps silent... ..does not come out... She asked what city you are from? - does not answer! This is alarming .... I told him, since you want me. Come. He asks - are you inviting me? What does he mean - probably for me to place it in my apartment ... but I do not live alone! She said I can't! Silent. I invited him to live in a hostel. and meet me. He seemed to be happy. about the arrival while silent. I have a feeling. that will fall like snow on your head. at the very moment. when I can’t pay attention to him, you never know, the influx of work, etc. And he will announce the arrival in 24 hours. And even the essence is different - well, he will come ... we will meet. everything will be fine - love story ... so at least I'll see, I'll see. what kind of fruit is this... and is it worth it to have some business... well, okay. get to know each other... suppose. liked each other ... then what ...? we will shed tears and parting again. then maybe he will invite me to Turkey.... I have a feeling that he has not yet seen me live. not knowing, he considers his woman ... and he says you will be mine forever ... This "forever" annoys me ... I ask him a specific question - he unsubscribes how he loves me and wants ... Nice. What can I say... And the brains, meanwhile, are melting... Although common sense says, this Turkey has surrendered to me... I can lose everything - most importantly, I will not see my daughter and grandchildren. there will be no theater classes and much more. and what I will get, except for a headache ... it is not clear. I can’t understand what he needs ... maybe he is married and he wants entertainment, so it will even be easier for me in this case. Elsi is not married and wants a "serious relationship" - this is already a big strain for me ... What I will do in a foreign country is a different mentality. other culture. everything else .. but I already got stuck with feelings and I don’t understand who I’m dealing with ... He behaves strangely ... he is not embarrassed by any age difference. neither my married status ... nor answers questions. only tryndit about love and it blows the brain ...

Every nationality has its own characteristics. This does not prevent a huge number of Russian girls and Turkish men from finding each other, falling in love, creating families and raising bilingual children.

But mixed marriage is often an extra reason for conflicts associated, most often, with a misunderstanding of culture, traditions and language. Let's try to understand Turkish men, especially since February 14 is a great occasion to talk about love and relationships.

Family comes first

The Turks are very attached to the family, ready to take care, provide, which makes them enviable contenders for the role of husbands. But there is also the other side of the coin. Firstly, for a Turk, his family, relatives, even not very close ones, have great importance, so that joint holidays and the arrival of guests may resemble the Tatar-Mongol invasion. Secondly, the influence of parents on the personal life of a son can be so great that if a Turkish mother does not approve of a bride, especially a foreigner, oh serious relationship you can forget. And it doesn't matter how old the son is - 20 or 40. True, this is usually typical of more religious families.

Patriotism

“Ne mutlu türkum diyene!” (“What a blessing to call yourself a Turk!”). This capacious phrase spoken by Ataturk combines all the love and pride of any Turk for his country and nation. The Turkish flag, the portrait of Ataturk and other symbols of the Turkish Republic are sacred. And if you decide to connect your life with a Turk, you will also need to accept his homeland. With all the pluses and minuses, although there are obviously more of the latter.

Conservatism

The Turks are principled in their passions. They are sensitive to change and innovation. This is evident in business as well as in personal life. It is very difficult to get a Turk to try a new suspicious dish, like sushi or herring under a fur coat. But for some reason almost every second Turk loves borscht. If you want to win the heart of a Turkish man, learn how to cook borscht.

Emotionality

Many note that Turkish men, despite their courageous appearance, quite vulnerable, sensitive, romantic, passionate and childishly touchy. The Turk is unlikely to object to watching a good melodrama. But their emotions can change as dramatically as the weather in the south in winter, and this can often take you by surprise. So a sunny hot day is abruptly replaced by a cold wind and a night thunderstorm. Turks easily make compliments, declare their love, call for marriage, promise stars and the moon from the sky, that they can also quickly change their mind and dissolve into oblivion.

Polygamy

Perhaps, deep down, every Turk, more than any other man, considers himself Sultan Suleiman and dreams of a harem. They can often be caught red-handed, both in real and virtual life. Turks, even married ones, are active users of dating sites and social networks, able to work for two or even three "fronts" without feeling the slightest remorse. But God forbid if someone starts flirting with his chosen one.

Jealousy

Turkish men are often so jealous that they can forbid their girlfriend or wife to work, monitor the chastity of clothes, control calls and correspondence, do not allow them to leave somewhere without him or return home late. But the phrase “Benim eşim türk” (“My husband is a Turk”) acts like a magic spell on pickup trucks who want to get acquainted.

Practicality

A rare Turk understands without explanation why you need to give a girl flowers when there is beauty around. The only exception is Valentine's Day (Sevgililer günü). And even then it may not be a stylish bouquet, but indoor plant. The Turks are practical guys, so things that are useful in the household can also act as a gift. But not a single Turk will allow a woman to pay for herself in a cafe or restaurant. This is a matter of honor.

Love for purity

Despite common stereotypes, the Turks are distinguished by their special cleanliness. Leaves an imprint and religion. This can reach the point of disgust, and the Turks will not go to eat in a cafe where there is dirt in the kitchen and on the tables. Perfect cleanliness should reign in the Turkish house. True, this duty falls mainly on the shoulders of the wife, the keeper of the hearth.

Football

Turks are very fond of football, and the division into fans of a particular club is quite strict. And if your Turkish chosen one is a fan of Besiktas, do not even think about saying that you like Fenerbahce much more than black and white striped footballers. Turks like to watch football with friends in a bar. They react to each goal with their inherent emotionality.

Public opinion

Judgment from neighbors, friends, family, colleagues, passers-by, accompanied by clattering of the tongue, shaking the head, gossip and gossip is a phenomenon that Turks prefer to avoid. They try to support everyone a good relationship believing that "a bad peace is better than a good quarrel." It is also not very common for Turks to show their feelings openly in public, so you can see openly kissing couples, except perhaps in big cities or at the peak of the season in resorts or nightclubs.

Turkish language

Many Turks easily speak different foreign languages, including in Russian, but still, their native Turkish language is closer to them, and for many Turkish words and expressions it is simply difficult to find analogues. So knowledge of Turkish is a great advantage in the eyes of a Turkish man.

Treat yourself or your loved one! In honor of the holiday of all lovers, Turkish language courses "Dialogue" give 14% discount on online course "Effective Turkish" ()!

You can send the link to your Turkish boyfriend or husband - it will be a great hint for a practical gift. And you will tighten up your language, and you will please the Turkish man by declaring the seriousness of your intentions to finally learn his native language.

GLOSSARY:

Aşk ("ashk") - love

Aile ("aile") - family

Sevgililer günü ("sevgeliler gunu") - Valentine's Day

Eş ("ash") - spouse

Temiz ("temiz") - pure

Kıskançlık ("kyskanchlyk") - jealousy

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