Osho is about love. Osho: quotes about love between a man and a woman, about self-love Osho: quotes about love
About jealousy
Jealousy is one of the most common forms of psychological ignorance - about oneself, about other people and, in particular, about human relationships. People think they know what love is, but they don't. And their misconceptions about love breed jealousy.
By the word "love" people mean a kind of monopoly, a kind of property right, but they do not take into account one fact of life: the moment you make a living creature your property, you kill it.
Life cannot be property.
It cannot be held in a fist.
If you want you to have it, you need to open your palms.
What makes you jealous?
Jealousy itself is not the root.
You love a woman, you love a man; you want to own a woman or a man simply out of fear, lest tomorrow this person will go to someone else. The fear of tomorrow destroys your today - and it is a vicious circle.
If you start ruining your every day out of fear of tomorrow, sooner or later your man will go looking for another woman, or your woman will go looking for another man, because he will no longer be able to tolerate you.
And when he starts looking for another woman or she starts looking for another man, you will come to the conclusion that your jealousy was justified. In fact, this whole situation is generated precisely by your jealousy.
Jealousy and envy are comparisons. We were taught to compare. Our upbringing was aimed at comparing — always comparing. Someone has a nicer home, someone has a more beautiful body, someone has more money, someone is more charming. Compare, continually compare yourself with everyone you meet, and as a result, jealousy and envy will overwhelm you. It’s a by-product of your comparing habit.
If you stop comparing, jealousy and envy will disappear. Then you will simply know that you are you. You cannot be someone else - and there is no need for that.
Don't worry about tomorrow. Today is enough. Someone loves you ... let it be a day of joy, a day of celebration. Be so full of love today that your very fullness and your love keep the person next to you. Your jealousy will drive away your loved one; only love can keep him. His jealousy will drive you away, only love can keep you.
Don't think about tomorrow. The moment you start thinking about tomorrow, life in today becomes half-hearted. Just live today and leave tomorrow alone - it will come as it should. And remember one thing: if today has brought you such a wonderful experience, such bliss ... and tomorrow is born from today,
why then worry about him.
OSHO. From the book "On Perception".
First, it's worth finding out who Osho is. It is known that this is a famous spiritual leader. Today, many perceive his teaching as the only true rules of life, but there are also those who believe that his philosophy only harms society. Many times the teachings of this Indian esotericist have been criticized, but over the past few years he has acquired a large number of "companions". This is due to the fact that in most of Osho's thoughts there is the truth of human existence, as well as the meaning of life.
This spiritual leader gave a special place to statements about love and its manifestations. Many of Osho's statements about love have become the basis of today's understanding of this feeling. Moreover, they serve as the basis for understanding such concepts as family and gender relations.
Osho biography
This is an Indian Enlightened Master. All over the world he is known as Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh. He has published over 600 books, like a collection of his conversations with his disciples, which Osho conducted for a quarter century.
Shortly before his death, he announced the discarding of the prefix "Bhagwan Shri", since for the majority it is interpreted as God. Sannyasins (his disciples) decided to name him by the already known name "Osho", which first appeared in ancient Japan. This is how all the disciples approached spiritual mentors.
The letter "O" means great respect, love, gratitude, synchronicity, harmony, and "Sho" - a multidimensional expansion of consciousness.
Being enlightened, Osho more clearly understood the instability of the modern existence of mankind in this world. He believed that endless wars, impermissible treatment of the environment: the annual extinction of several thousand species of plants and animals, deforestation of entire forests, drainage of the seas, the presence of dangerous nuclear weapons, which have an indescribable destructive power - all this will lead humanity to complete extinction.
In his opinion, one must live naturally, peacefully, turn inward. It is worth taking a little time for yourself to be alone, in silence, to observe the inner workings of your mind.
Osho's American followers acquired a 64,000-acre ranch in Central Oregon. Rajneeshpuram was founded there. The Indian esoteric, having lived on the ranch for 4 years, became, so to speak, the most daring experiment in creating a spiritual commune (transnational).
Thousands of his followers from Europe, Asia, Australia, South America came there every summer. As a result, the commune turned into a prosperous city with more than 15,000 followers.
In 1984, suddenly, just as he had stopped speaking, he spoke again. Osho philosophized about meditation, love, human lack of freedom within the framework of a heavily conditioned, insane world. He accused politicians and priests of corrupting fragile human souls and destroying human freedom.
In 1985, the American government accused the Enlightened Master of violating applicable immigration laws and then arrested him without warning. Shackled and handcuffed, Osho was detained for almost two weeks, with no bail. There he was physically injured on the basis of a medical examination. In Oklahoma, Osho was exposed to a large dose of radiation and was intoxicated with thallium. A bomb was found in the Portland prison, where the Enlightened Master was later located. Only he was not evacuated.
His lawyers, worried about the life of the Master, agreed to admit the immigration violation, Osho left the United States on November 14. Then the commune fell apart.
The American government was not satisfied with the violation of the constitution in their country, so when Osho went to invite students to other countries, using world influence, he tried to exert a negative impact on his work, wherever he went. As a result of this policy on the part of the US government, 21 countries have imposed a travel ban on both Osho and his companions.
In 1986 the Enlightened Master returned to Bombay. His disciples began to gather around him. In 1987, due to the rapid growth of people coming to Osho, he moved to Pune, after which his International Commune was formed. Daily soulful discourses, holidays, meditation weekends were revived.
Osho created a number of new meditations, one of which is "The Mystic Rose". This was the most memorable breakthrough in the field 2,500 years after the great Buddha's Vipassana meditation. More than a thousand people took part in it (both in the commune and in its meditation centers around the world).
Osho left his body on January 19, 1990. He did not want to identify his teachings with religion. His teaching was focused on the individual, his freedom. It seemed to him as a single world, without any restrictions on skin color, nationality, race.
Osho did not consider himself God, he never believed in prophets, prophecies, messiah. Osho considered them to be selfish people. In this regard, he did everything he could. What would happen when he was gone, Osho left to the will of existence, since he absolutely trusted him.
The enlightened Master believed that if there is truth in his words, then it will definitely survive. That is why Osho did not call his students followers, they were companions for him on his journey.
Osho about love
Jealousy, from Osho's perspective
She is the first step towards the destruction of true love. Most often, Osho said about love that it is expressed in a desire for good for a person. In this regard, it is implied that in a situation where there is no good intention in love, if it causes suffering both to the subject himself and to his partner, then we are no longer talking about love. The latter cannot, according to Osho, coexist with gloomy jealousy, since love is not able to possess someone. Otherwise, it would mean that the individual killed someone and then turned into his personal property.
In relationships, you need to give freedom, because love is not a limitation, not a sacrifice, but exclusively good, given free of charge.
When a person lives with a partner solely for the sake of money, safety, reliability, children, etc., while excluding love, his existence is comparable to prostitution.
A place of expectation in love
The creation of fetters is unacceptable, since demands and expectations instantly destroy love. According to Osho's statements, this feeling is always not enough for lovers, so one should not wait, because waiting is always unjustified. True love can never be disappointed because there are no expectations at all.
Osho speaks about love in such a way that a person should neither wait, nor ask, nor demand. In a situation where love brings only disappointment, the feeling cannot be called real.
Love as art, harmony
Osho compared the love of a man and a woman with art. According to his revelations, in order to understand love, it should be treated as the latter. If you want to succeed in it, you need to learn the art gradually.
Both are not given to us at birth, they can only be mastered by following practice. For example, every dancer learns to dance by studying plasticity, movement. It takes a lot of practice to master the art of dance. Moreover, the art of love takes up much more energy, because in the first case only one person is involved, while in love there are two. There is a meeting of two completely different worlds. In the process of such a rapprochement, a conflict is necessarily brewing, if you do not know the ways to achieve harmony.
“… A woman in love with you can help increase your creative abilities, can inspire you to such heights that you never dreamed of. And she doesn't ask for anything in return. She just needs your love, and this is her natural right ... ”(Osho). Quotes about the love of a man and a woman are always relevant. In just a few words, there is a deep truth that many men are unable to see in our time.
Love as a hierarchy
Osho spoke about love this way, because in it, as in the hierarchy, there is an ascent: from the lowest level to the highest, from intimacy to the so-called superconsciousness. There are many steps, many levels in love. According to Osho, everything always depends on the person himself: people who are at the top of the hierarchical ladder and those who occupy the lowest positions understand love in a completely different way.
The lowest form of love
Osho discusses love in this aspect when people fall in love with cars, dogs, things, animals. This is because the considered feeling of an ordinary, untrained individual has been transformed into something terrible - an ongoing conflict. As a result, this leads to constant squabbles, grabbing each other by the throats. It is this behavior that is the lowest form of love.
In the case of using the feeling as a bridge (meditation), there is nothing terrible about it. But if you always try to understand the essence, then within the framework of this understanding itself, a person begins to move upward.
Three stages of love according to Osho
From his point of view, they are:
- physical love;
- psychological;
- spiritual.
With the harmonization of all three steps, divine love (unconditional) arises, the ideal of esotericists, spiritual people, what, according to the Bible, is called God, since he is love.
Highest level
Osho argued that only then love passes into an unconditional form, when it ceases to be suffering, dependence. In a situation where love is a state of mind, the so-called lotus of soul and happiness is finally revealed, beginning to exude a subtle aroma. This can only occur at the highest level.
Osho (quotes about the love of a man and a woman) emphasized that only at the highest stage the individual will reach a special divine state of consciousness. At the lowest level, this feeling remains politics, the manipulation of only one person.
Osho: quotes about love
A large number of quotes are devoted to this topic. Here are a few of them:
- "... The mind is a very business-like, calculating mechanism, it has nothing to do with love ..."
- "... Love is a spiritual experience that has nothing to do with sexes and bodies, but associated with the deepest inner being ..."
- "... Self-love does not imply selfish pride, not at all. In fact, it implies the exact opposite ..." and others.
This is how Osho described the tremulous feeling known to many. Quotes about love (short) easily remain in the memory, because they contain a truth that does not age.
Women, from the point of view of an Indian esotericist
Osho spoke about the love of a woman from a position of grief, since the fair sex was constantly suppressed. He argued that men ruled the weaker sex for a long time. They used every opportunity to do this, and women were always suppressed.
It seemed strange to him that men even dominate in dance, poetry, and music. It should be the other way around, but women have never been given the opportunity to achieve anything meaningful. He believed that if women were discouraged from getting an education, society would eventually become impoverished. Osho insisted that it was simply necessary to give the weaker sex respect. The world should belong to both sexes.
If a man is alone, he creates only wars. Life becomes an endless struggle. The story is filled with violent people who are considered famous today.
How do men love?
According to Osho, a man's love is more limited to primitive physiological needs. Women's love is always higher, stronger, filled with spirituality. That is why the woman is monogamous, while the male sex is polygamous. Every man wants to possess all the female representatives, and even in this case he will not be satisfied.
Now, Osho's quotes about a man's love are becoming more and more popular, for example: "... A man's love is his place of rest ..."
Love and fear
According to Osho, there are two types of life: the first is based on fear, the second is based on love. In the first case, life will never give deep relationships, since a person lets another in only to a small extent, after which a wall grows, everything stops.
One who is love oriented is religious. He is not afraid of the future, results and consequences. Such a person lives in the present.
In youth, people boldly go into love, because there is a very strong desire to love, which suppresses fear. Then the latter, accumulating, fills everything in such a way that there is no room left for a free decision to give love. People love only because they want to experience this feeling. This is inherent in a person from the very beginning, but the fears accumulated through life interfere with being happy.
The difference between love and being in love
Osho, like the rest of the sages, pointed to the existence of a huge difference between these feelings. What many call love later turns out to be simple love.
Likewise, the relationships that true love creates are different from those that are built on falling in love. In the first case, they give mutual happiness, and in the second, quarrels and disappointments.
Finally, it is worth recalling that the article considered how Osho understood the most reverent feeling (for quotes about love, see above). The points of view on the male perception of love and the female are described. The main love rule of Osho (quotes about self-love) was also voiced: without accepting oneself, it will be impossible to open up to another person.
The enlightened master believed that love (no church can stand around it), awareness are qualities that no one is able to monopolize. Osho wanted people to know themselves, regardless of the opinions of others. To do this, you need to look inside. There is no need for a church or any other external organization.
Oscho has always promoted freedom, creativity, individuality. He has always been for the beautiful Earth, for existence at this very moment, there is no need to wait for paradise, fear hell, feel greed. It is enough just to be in silence, here, to enjoy your existence.
His philosophy is to destroy in any way everything that later becomes slavery: groups, authorities, leaders - these are diseases that should be avoided.
In one of the diaries of darshans (Osho's meetings with students), there was a capacious text about the inner child and the reasons for possessiveness in relationships:
The sannyasin says there is a lot of jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship. It seems to have a lot to do with a lot of patterns from the past, the mind constantly clings to them.
OSHO: “These are childish patterns that persist in your mind. Very rarely do people reach maturity. The child continues to sit there inside. You need to say goodbye to this child - only then will you become mature.
There is a basic reason for this: every child understands in his childhood that he only needs to demand and all his requirements will be fulfilled. And they are being fulfilled because otherwise he will not survive. He has no responsibility to give something - he simply receives. And because of this, a very wrong pattern is reinforced internally. The child simply takes and there is no question of giving. He becomes very manipulative, he becomes very political: he knows how to manipulate his mother and father and the whole family.
If he needs something, he cries, creates anxiety, creates such a hell that they have to give in, and sometimes, if it helps, the child smiles. But these are all strategic, political devices. The whole task is to dominate, to be the owner. And a child wants to be a dictator - every child wants to be a dictator. When he needs her, his mother must immediately run to him - he cannot wait. And all these things must be done because the child is helpless. This helplessness becomes his strategy and he never learns how to give.
Only people who know how to give are not endowed with possessiveness. Remember this. People who only know how to receive cannot but have possessiveness, because - who knows? If someone else takes possession of the mother, what then? So there are no children who enjoy having another child. He hates it - the very idea repels him - because it means separation, it means that the mother cannot be available to him alone. Every child wants to kill a new child, has ideas about murder, and this child is in everyone.
We become mature physically; psychologically we remain immature. So on the surface we are depicting adults, and no one is. This is one of the basic problems that everyone pretends to be an adult and no one is an adult. So it's just a surface, just a facade, no deeper than skin. Pick a little more and a child and emotional outbursts appear. A child wants to own and dominate and is always afraid that someone else will take his woman, take her man - what then? And you are in need, you are hungry.
So you need to be absolutely sure that your woman never speaks to anyone, never laughs with anyone, does not love anyone. You create a prison around her - a very cunning prison - and you are constantly on guard. How can love happen then? You are watching her, she is watching you, you are both against each other. Afraid, insecure. How can love rise from suspicion, from doubt? Each is like a policeman in relation to another: every detail must be known - what you did, where you were, who you were with, what you talked about. How is love possible here?
Love is a fragile phenomenon. It is impossible to grow in such solid soil, and it never grows. And because it doesn't grow, you want it even more. The more hungry you are, the more possessive you become. You only know one way. So you say you love a woman, but these are just words. If you find out that she was laughing with someone else and was happier than ever with you, you will kill her. But you say you love her!
Your love can turn into hate at any moment. Love is only on the surface - deep inside is hatred. Your so-called beloved all hate each other, but because of their need, they continue to pretend. They are afraid - the woman may leave, and then they will become lonely. And this loneliness is scary. You will lose your identity - who you are - and then what to do? You will feel like a child lost in a supermarket who cannot find his mother. Or you will be like a dog lost in a parade and running everywhere in search of the owner, not knowing where to go. Who will take her home?
Until this needy love is thrown away and a totally new love rises in you - love that knows how to give, love that delights in giving. Not the love of a child, but the love of a mature person - you will maintain possessiveness in the relationship. You will continue to transform the other into a thing, you will reduce its status to a thing, and when you reduce the other to the status of a thing, the other does the same.
So-called love stories are very similar to feuds. This is not love - not friendship, not at all. Each is just trying to exploit the other. This is a mutual exploitation agreement: "I will exploit you, so I have to let you exploit me."
Love can be defined ... in China there is an old definition - this is: "Scratch another's back so that he will scratch your back." Nothing more. It's hard to scratch your back, so someone else scratches your back in exchange for scratching it - a mutual agreement, but it doesn't have much value.
If you really want to drop possessiveness - and you need to drop it, otherwise you will live in misery - then you need to understand that there is this child inside and that you have not grown psychologically. This child must be fully brought into consciousness. He works through the unconscious - he needs to be brought into awareness, into full light. You need to see him and his ugliness. In this absolute clarity, you need to say goodbye to this child. He is your problem.
Jesus says, "Until you become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of God." And he's right. You can create another saying: "As long as you are not infantile and like a child, you will not enter the Kingdom of Hell." Being like children is one thing, but being childish is the opposite. And people are infantile, but on the surface they try to be bolder and braver and be heroes. Only on the surface is all this machismo. But behind a thin layer of surface is a small child whose bed of cheese is. His mother is not around and he does not know what to do. Or a child who is hungry and lusts for a breast, but there is no breast ... he is helpless.
You have to bring this whole state of mind into a clear light. Mindfulness transforms. Pay attention to it - pull it out, meditate on it. It's not just possessiveness: the child is behind the possessiveness. It's not just jealousy: there is a child behind the jealousy. Because a mature person is never jealous - and cannot be jealous. Why should he be jealous?
Nobody is obliged to love you. No one is responsible for making you happy. A mature person understands this - these are bare facts, bare basics: “No one is responsible for making me happy - it is my personal business to be happy or unhappy. Nobody can make me unhappy or happy and nobody is responsible for it, so why jealousy? Why should I be jealous? How can I make another be responsible or guilty? The other person is free. "
If the other decides to be with you and love you out of freedom, be grateful. If she leaves, then it's in the order of things. If you are sad, this is your business. This does not apply to her. From freedom we meet and from freedom we must stay together. And if parting comes from freedom, then it happens. This must be accepted. A mature person accepts life with all thorns and all its colors.
And he never makes another feel guilty. These are the ways to give another feeling of guilt: “You make me unhappy because you spoke to that man and you looked so happy. It makes me unhappy. ” It doesn't make you unhappy - it has nothing to do with your happiness. It is your immaturity, your immature demands, unhealthy demands, pathological demands that make you unhappy.
So be more alert to your inner child. Meditate more on this. Sit in silence for at least one hour every day and observe this child, his methods, how he functions, the whole mechanism. And don't judge, don't hang labels, insults. Don't judge him, as it won't help. It's infantile again. Just observe without judgment, without judgment, just observe. Let this child speak loudly. See how it functions, how it works, how this mechanism worked inside you. And just watch and you will be surprised: something has begun to change. Seeing the stupidity of all this, you begin to change. It will happen.
That is my job here - to make you mature, so mature that you don't need any more love. You give, and if something comes back, that's another thing, but the main motivation for giving was not. Giving love for love's sake is maturity. Much will come back, a thousand times more will come back, but that is another question. This is not something to think about, and it is not part of your desire. It happens by itself. But you enjoyed giving. Then there is no jealousy.
If you are in need, then you will be jealous and the child is in need. He continues to cling to the skirt, continues to look for the figures of the mother and father and clings to them, continues to demand, as if the whole world existed to fulfill your desires! The child sees himself at the center of all existence. This is silly. We are not centers, nobody is the center of the whole.
Just watch it, meditate on the child. He will go, he must go. It creates unhappiness and nothing else, so why cling to it? But he can only leave if you are fully aware of him.
This is the alchemy of awareness
the note originally appeared here:What does it essentially mean to be a man or a woman?
The difference between a man and a woman is psychological rather than physiological. A person can be a man according to physiological characteristics, and not be such according to psychological ones - and vice versa. There are aggressive women - unfortunately, their number in the world is increasing - very aggressive women. The entire feminist movement is based on the aggressiveness of such women. An aggressive woman is unfeminine.
Jeanne D "Arc is not a woman at all, but Jesus Christ is a woman. Psychologically, Jeanne D" Arc is a man, her actions are mostly aggressive. Jesus Christ is not aggressive at all. He says, "If you get hit on the cheek, turn the other one." This is an example of psychological non-aggressiveness. Jesus says, "Resist not evil." Even evil cannot be resisted! Non-resistance is the essence of femininity ...
Science is masculine and religion is feminine. Science tries to conquer nature, but religion dissolves in it. A woman knows what softness is, knows how to find a path to unity. Every seeker of truth should know how to dissolve in nature, how to become one with it, how to go with the flow, without resistance, without struggle ... As you become meditative, your energies become non-aggressive. Your hardness disappears, giving way to love. You are no longer interested in commanding others; instead, you are more and more attracted to the art of giving in. This is what makes female psychology feminine.
In order to understand female psychology, one must understand the psychology of religiosity. But even no attempt has yet been made to understand the woman; until now, psychology has only dealt with the study of men. That's why scientists study rats, and with the help of rats, they draw conclusions about men.
If you want to study the psychology of women, it is best to start with the mystics, for the mystic is the perfect example. Then you will learn about Basho, Rinzai, Buddha, Jesus, Lao Tzu. You will have to study these people, because only through them will you be able to understand the very essence of female psychology, to comprehend its depth.
What is the difference between female and male psychology?
Modern science has made a very important discovery, one of the most important in this century: it lies in the fact that man has not one mind, but two. The human mind is divided into two hemispheres: the right and the left. The right hemisphere is connected to the left arm, and the left hemisphere is connected to the right, diagonally.
The right hemisphere is responsible for intuition, for everything irrational, illogical, poetic, platonic, imaginary, romantic, mysterious, religious. The left hemisphere is responsible for everything logical, rational, mathematical, scientific, intellectual.
These two hemispheres are in constant conflict. The main politics of the world is inside you, the greatest politics of the world is inside you. You may not be aware of this, but after realizing, you will first of all strive to achieve a middle position between these hemispheres.
The left hand is associated with the right hemisphere: intuition, imagination, mysticism, poetry, religion; and this left hand is very often condemned. Society is for right-handers, and the right hand is connected to the left hemisphere. Ten percent of children are born left-handed, and they are forcibly retrained, made right-handed. Left-handed children are mostly irrational, intuitive, ill-calculated ... they are dangerous for society, so it strives in every way to make them right-handed. The question is not only in the hand, it is a question of internal politics: a left-handed child is guided by the right hemisphere, which is contrary to the interests of society, it is dangerous, and the child needs to be retrained before things go too far.
There are suggestions that in the beginning the proportion was fifty-fifty, that is, fifty percent of left-handers and fifty percent of right-handers were born. However, right-handed people have been in power for so long that gradually the proportion has reached ninety percent against ten. Even among you, many may be left-handed, you just do not know about it. You write with your right hand, you do the work with your right hand, but perhaps as a child you were forcibly taught to be right-handed. This is a trick, because as you become right-handed, you begin to actively use the left hemisphere. The left hemisphere is responsible for logic, and the right hemisphere goes beyond the logical, its functioning cannot be calculated. It functions in flashes, intuitively, very gracefully, but irrational.
The left-handed minority is the most oppressed minority in the world, more oppressed than negroes, more oppressed than beggars. If you realize this division, then a lot will become obvious. Take, for example, the bourgeoisie and the proletariat: the proletariat is always guided by the right brain hemisphere; poor people have better intuition. Chat with ordinary people and you will see that they are more intuitive. The poorer a person, the lower the level of his intelligence, and this can be the reason for his poverty. An undeveloped intellect does not allow it to compete successfully in the world of reason. It is not easy for him to clearly express his thoughts, solve logical problems, make calculations - he is almost a fool. This may be the reason for his poverty. The rich man uses the left hemisphere; he is more calculating, cunning, clever, logical, he makes plans. This may be the reason for his wealth.
All of the above is fully consistent with the division into men and women. Women use the right hemisphere and men use the left. Men have ruled over women for centuries. Some women today oppose this, but the amazing thing is that they are all the same type of women. In essence, they resemble men: rational, arguing, calculating. It is likely that one day, like the victorious revolutions in Russia and China, somewhere in America women will oust men from power. By the time women are victorious, they will no longer be women; they will use the left hemisphere. In order to fight, you need to be able to make calculations, and in order to fight with men, you need to be as aggressive as they are. It is this aggressiveness that can be seen in the world women's liberation movement.
Women who join the feminist movement become very aggressive, they lose grace, everything that is born of intuition. To fight men, you need to learn their own tricks; to fight men, you need to use the same techniques. Fighting with someone is dangerous because you become like your enemy. This is one of the biggest problems of humanity. When you enter into a fight with someone, you have to use similar methods of fighting, similar tactics. This is the only way to defeat the enemy, but by the time he is defeated, you will become your own enemy ... Only superficial details change, deep inside the conflict remains.
The conflict is within a person. Until it is resolved there, it will not be resolved anywhere. Its solution is within you, it is between the two hemispheres of the brain.
There is a very small bridge. If it collapses due to some incident, a physiological defect, or for some other reason, then a person's consciousness is bifurcated, a person's personality is bifurcated - this is the so-called schizophrenia, or a split personality. If the bridge collapses - and it is very fragile - and a split occurs, you begin to behave as if two people had settled in you. In the morning you are very loving, very beautiful, and in the evening you are angry, a completely different person. You don't remember your morning ... how can you remember it? Then another mind functioned and the person was different. If this bridge is strengthened so much that two minds cease to be separate and merge into one, then integration, crystallization appears. What George Gurdjieff called "the crystallization of personality" is nothing more than the merging of two minds into one, an inner meeting of a man and a woman, a meeting Yang and Yin, the meeting of the left and the right, the meeting of the logical and the irrational, the meeting of Aristotle and Plato.
If you realize this basic dichotomy, then the nature of all the conflicts that are raging outside you and inside you will become clear. Grace is inherent in the female mind, and efficiency in the male mind. If there is a constant struggle between them, then sooner or later grace will be destroyed, and the effective mind will win, for the world recognizes the laws of mathematics, not love. As soon as your grace gives way to efficiency, you immediately lose something very valuable: you lose contact with your essence. You can achieve great efficiency, but you will no longer be a living person. You will turn into a car, into a robot.
For this reason, there is a constant conflict between a man and a woman. They cannot live separately from each other, they need to come into contact with each other again and again, but they also cannot stay together. The fight does not take place outside, the fight is inside. My understanding is this: until you resolve the conflict between the right and left hemispheres, you can never be capable of love - never, because the inner struggle will be reflected outside. If there is a struggle inside you, and you identify yourself with the left hemisphere, which is responsible for logical development, if you constantly try to suppress the right hemisphere, you will transfer the same to the woman you love. If a woman is constantly fighting with her essence inside, then she will constantly conflict with the man she loves.
All, almost all family relationships are ugly, for the exceptions are so insignificant that they can be ignored. In the beginning everything is fine, in the beginning you hide the reality, you pretend. As soon as family relationships are established and you relax, internal conflict begins to boil and is mirrored in the family. Quarrels begin, thousands of dissatisfaction with each other begin to appear, which destroy the family. Hence the appeal of homosexuality.
As soon as the division between men and women occurs too clearly in society, homosexuality immediately arises. This is because there is at least less conflict between men in love with each other. A love relationship may not be very satisfying, it may not lead to bliss and an orgasmic state, but at least they are not as ugly as a relationship between a man and a woman. When the conflict goes too far, women become lesbians. Love relationships between women are at least not overshadowed by such a deep crisis. Like meets like, it is easier for them to understand each other. Yes, understanding is possible, but attraction disappears, there is no polarity; there is a huge price to pay for this understanding. Understanding is possible, but the general tension, interest disappears. Choosing an interest, you cannot avoid conflict, because the real problem is somewhere within you. Until you achieve spiritual balance, complete harmony between the feminine part and the masculine part of your mind, you will not be able to love ...
This is the main difficulty of the modern mind: gradually all relationships become accidental. People are afraid to make commitments because they have learned at least one lesson from their bitter experiences. As soon as you bind yourself with someone intimate relationship, reality begins to explode, your inner conflict begins to reflect on the person close to you; and then life becomes ugly, nightmare, unbearable ...
Outwardly, family life may seem like a wonderful oasis, but as soon as you approach it, the oasis begins to evaporate, it disappears. By tying the knot, you end up in a spiritual prison, but remember, this prison does not come from a partner, it comes from yourself.
If a person is dominated by the left hemisphere, then his life will be very successful, so successful that by the age of forty he will suffer from peptic ulcer disease. By forty-five, he will have one or two heart attacks. By the age of fifty, he will be nearly dead, but it will be a successful death. He may become a great scientist, but he will never become a real person. He can accumulate a lot of wealth, but at the same time he will lose true values. He can conquer the whole world, like Alexander the Great, but his own inner territory will remain unexplored.
There are many temptations to follow the aspirations of the left brain, that is, the down-to-earth mind. It focuses on wealth: cars, money, houses, power, prestige. The commodity-oriented person in India is called sad, or by the homeowner.
A developed right hemisphere of the brain is a hallmark sannyasin, who is more interested in knowing his inner world, in inner peace, inner bliss, and less concerned with consumer goods. If they come easily, it's good, if they don't exist at all, that's not bad either. He is more interested in the present moment and less in the future; he is more interested in the poetry of life, and least of all in its arithmetic ...
You can go through life with arithmetic, or you can go in another way: with a dream, with a dream and visions. They are completely different from each other. Just yesterday, someone asked, "Are there ghosts, fairies and the like?" Yes, they exist - if we are guided by the right hemisphere of the brain, then they exist. If the left hemisphere is dominant, then they are not.
All children live on the right side of the brain. They see ghosts and fairies everywhere, but you constantly guide them on the right path, put them in their place, saying: "Nonsense, silly. Where did you see the ghost? There is nothing, it's just a shadow." Gradually, you manage to convince the baby, the defenseless child. Gradually you convince him, and he begins to develop the left hemisphere to the detriment of the right; he has to. He must live in your world. He needs to forget about his dreams, about all the myths, he needs to forget about poetry, he needs to learn mathematics. Without a doubt, he will achieve success in mathematics and become almost disabled, paralyzed in this life. His real essence gradually disappears further and further, and he turns into a commodity on the market, his whole life becomes worthless ... although in the eyes of society it will undoubtedly be valuable.
Sannyasin - this is the one who lives by his imagination, who lives thanks to the ability of the mind to dream, who lives thanks to poetry, who praises life, who does not just look, but sees. He sees trees greener than you, birds more beautiful; for him, everything around sparkles, shines. Ordinary cobblestones turn into diamonds, ordinary stones cease to be ordinary, because there is nothing ordinary in life. If you look at life with the help of the right hemisphere, then everything becomes divine, sacred. Religiousness comes from the right hemisphere.
Two friends are drinking tea in a cafe. One began to examine his cup, and then with a sigh said:
You know, life is like a cup of tea.
His friend thought a little and asked:
Why? Why is life like a cup of tea?
How do I know? Am I a philosopher? - answered the first.
The right hemisphere of the brain only states facts, it cannot give them explanations. You ask: “Why?”, But it cannot give you an answer, remaining silent. Imagine seeing a lotus flower while walking. "How beautiful he is!" you exclaim. "Why?" someone asks you. You answer: "How do I know? Am I a philosopher?" This is a simple statement, very simple; but it is in itself complete, complete. There is no explanation behind it, it does not carry the result of anything, it is just a statement of fact ... The right hemisphere is the hemisphere of poetry and love. The time has come for a change, and this change is an inner transformation.
(Ancient Music in the Pines)
Could You continue your story about the qualities of the female mind?
The same thing happens with the male mind: the male mind has a positive quality, which manifests itself in curiosity, in search, while the negative quality is his eternal doubt. Can you be a seeker and not give in to doubt? Then your trait is positivism. But you can also doubt and not seek the truth, but just sit and doubt.
Another positive quality of a man: he seeks peace; but he does not find it, and this is his negative quality. One cannot identify with nervousness just because a man is restless. You can use your anxiety as a springboard for a relaxing break. Do you have energy, desire to act? You can use this itch to do nothing to immerse yourself in meditation.
Negative traits need to be put at the service of the positive, and everyone has both. When a positive quality manifests in you, there will always be a negative one nearby. If you pay too much attention to negative quality, you will not achieve anything; pay more attention to positive things and you will be successful.
Both man and woman need to achieve this. Then the most beautiful time in the world will come. There will come a time of an indivisible, single person, a time of union, an inner Cosmos; a symphony will sound, where all the notes work harmoniously, creating not just noise, and giving everything a rhythm, bright colors.
(The Mustard Seed: My Most Loved Gospel on Jesus)
Who is more stupid - a woman or a man?
I'll tell you this anecdote:
A man says to a woman:
Why did the Lord make you so beautiful?
To make you fall in love with us, she replied.
Then why did he create you so stupid?
So that we can fall in love with you too.
In fact, stupidity has nothing to do with gender. It can be found in all kinds, in all shapes and sizes.
Are women bolder than men?
No doubt about it. Men can only feel jealous ... there is no courage in them. A woman is capable of great love, because she lives not by logic, but by pure emotions and heart.
It is wonderful to follow the path of the heart, but it is fraught with danger. The path of the mind is not so beautiful, but it is safer. The man chose the safest and shortest path in life. The woman chose the most beautiful, but the most difficult and dangerous path of emotions, feelings, mood. The woman endured immense suffering, for until today the world was ruled by a man. She did not fit into the society created by the man in any way, because it was created on the basis of intellect and logic.
A woman needs a world that lives according to the laws of the heart.
In a society created by a man, there was no place for a heart. A man needs to learn to be more cordial, because the intellect has led humanity to global suicide. Intellect destroyed the harmony of nature, ecology. He created beautiful machines, but he destroyed beautiful humanity. The world needs a more cordial approach to everything.
As for me personally, I affirm that your inner nature is closer to the heart than to the mind. The mind is a short way out, and the heart is a very long way. If you strive inward, then everything changes to the opposite: the heart is the shortest path to the essence of man, and it is difficult to imagine longer than the path of reason.
That is why I am in favor of love, for love will easily lead you to meditation, to eternity of life, to your divinity; it is very difficult to achieve this through the mind. First you need to reach the heart, and only then you can begin to move towards your essence.
I advocate for love; and it has a spiritual background. A woman can easily start her journey from the heart to her being, and a man can move towards the heart without any obstacles. The man was simply improperly prepared, this is just prejudice. He was told that you need to be tough, you need to be strong, courageous, but all this is nonsense. Not a single man ever cries or suffers with tears in his eyes, because from childhood it was explained to him that only women cry, this is a woman's trait. Men never cry or weep.
If you look at human nature, then all this will seem absurd. If a man really could not cry, if nature had intended that way, then his eyes would have been created differently, they would have no tear glands. But the lacrimal glands of men are no different from those of women.
Does a man need tears? Yes, we do; tears are an extremely important means of communication, a special language. There are moments that cannot be expressed in words, but tears will tell about a person's condition. Tears can also come from immeasurable joy. They always act as proof that a person is overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes it is impossible to express your sadness in words, tears will help you with this. Tears are one of the reasons why women are less likely than men to go crazy: women readily cry, sob and scatter everything that comes their way; they are mad every day, little by little.
A man accumulates stress inside himself, and one day an explosion occurs - in bulk. Women go retail crazy, and dying a little every day is a wiser path. Why accumulate everything?
Men are more likely to commit suicide. It is very strange. Women talk more about suicide than men, but usually do not commit it. Men never talk about it, but they do it twice as often as women. The man continues to suppress his feelings, he continues to wear a fake mask. But everything comes to an end: a moment comes when he is no longer able to keep it inside himself, and everything falls apart.
A man needs to learn to be more cordial, because the path to himself comes from the heart. It is impossible to pass by the heart. A woman is in a better position, she can go directly from her heart to her essence. However, instead of appreciating this great quality in a woman, the man always condemned her. Perhaps there was a reason for this, perhaps he was aware of the superiority of women, the superiority of love. But no logic can be higher than love, and no mind can be higher than the heart. The mind can be very bloodthirsty, it can be very cruel, and so it has remained for centuries.
The man beat the woman, suppressed, condemned her. Not knowing that the condemnation and suppression of a woman makes him defective, half of humanity has lost the opportunity to raise their consciousness. You were deprived of such an opportunity, because you, too, could learn the art of ascending from the other half of the Universe. You, too, could have walked the same path, the same path. Therefore, I always say that the liberation of a woman is the liberation of a man. It is even more the liberation of a man than a woman.
Yes, women are capable of great love, but they also need to know about the other side of the coin. The man has a developed logic. The other side may be illogical. It's not dangerous, it's just a bug, it can be fixed. That is why I said that the path of the heart is beautiful, but dangerous.
Hate is the flip side of love; jealousy is the flip side of love. If a woman is seized by hatred and jealousy, then all the beauty of love dies and only poison remains in her hands. She will poison herself and everyone around her. In order to love, you need to become more aware, because you can fall into the abyss of hatred, which is very close, very close to the peak of love; the gloomy valley of hate surrounds the peak of love from all sides, you can easily slide down.
Perhaps for this reason, many women do not allow themselves to fall in love. Perhaps for this reason, the man decided to live with his mind and forgot about his heart ... because it is so sensitive, it is so easy to offend him, his mood changes like the weather.
Anyone who really wants to learn the art of love must remember all this and protect love from falling into the abyss of hatred, jealousy, otherwise the path to oneself will become impossible, even more unreal than the path of the mind.
A woman needs to give up hatred and jealousy. A man needs to give up logic and become a little more loving.
The logic can be used; it has an applied meaning. It is useful in scientific work, but not in human relationships. A man must make sure that logic does not completely master him, it must remain a tool that must be used, and then set aside. A woman must take care not to fall into the abyss of hatred, jealousy, anger, for they will destroy love, the greatest wealth of a woman. And both need to bring more love into their lives, and the more a person loves, the closer he is to his essence.
The essence is very close; it is the deepest part of love, love that is absolutely pure, unconditioned. Love, filled with absolute awareness, immediately turns into a grand revolution; it opens the gates of the inner temple of essence.
To reach the very center of essence means to receive everything that life can provide you: all the fragrance, all the beauty, all the joy, all the blessings ...
Women are no doubt braver than men. In all world cultures, it is the woman who leaves her family and goes to live with her husband's family. She leaves her mother, father, friends, her city, everything she loved and grew up with; she sacrifices everything for love. A man is not capable of that.
And it should have been the other way around, since a man claims superiority over a woman, then it was he who had to do so. He should have gone to his wife's house, not taken her to his own. However, in no culture or society in the entire history of mankind, has a man ever taken such a step. Not a single man left his parents' house, his environment, a familiar atmosphere, did not dare to sacrifice everything and become part of a completely alien atmosphere, a new land, become a plant transplanted into a new garden, on a new soil, and blossom there. But the woman went for it, and did it gracefully.
Definitely a woman is braver than men.
And in love, and in many other things ... She loves with motherly love, which no father is capable of; she loves like a wife, which no husband is capable of. Even as a small child, she loves with a daughter's love, which no son is capable of.
A woman's whole life is love.
For a man, life is of great importance, but love occupies only a small part of it. A man can sacrifice love for the sake of money, power, prestige, he is ready to sacrifice love for anything. A woman cannot sacrifice love for the sake of anything, for her there is nothing higher than love. You can donate anything but love. Undoubtedly, a woman does not hold the presence of mind, and a man needs to learn a lot from her.
If we use our relationships to study each other - we are not talking about superficial sexual relations, but about deep, intimate knowledge of each other's secrets - then all relationships between lovers will turn into a spiritual phenomenon. Both man and woman will enrich themselves in them, and therefore the whole society.
(Socrates Poisoned Again after 25 Centuries)
Why are women still not free?
Disunity is one of the reasons why women have not yet freed themselves: they cannot unite because of their sympathy for men; their sympathy does not extend to other women. Women maintain relationships with each other only out of envy: who dresses better, who has more exquisite jewelry, who has a better car, who has a richer home. Jealousy is the only reason for the existence of relationships between women.
But if all women envy each other, then, naturally, this envy is one of the main reasons for their slavery. They cannot turn into a single force, otherwise they would have been liberated long ago, because they are half of humanity. If women wanted to free themselves, then nothing would stop them. But they themselves became their own enemies.
Every woman should remember that a man divided women in such a cunning way that they could never unite. You are jealous of each other, you have no sympathy for each other. You would rather sympathize with a man - but not your husband, of course! It must be someone else's husband.
(Joshu: The Lion "s Roar)
What is jealousy and why does it bring so much suffering?
Jealousy is one of the most common areas of psychological ignorance: a person knows nothing about himself, about others, and especially about the relationship between loving people.
People think they know what love is; they don't really know. Their misunderstanding of love is what generates jealousy. By "love" people mean a kind of monopoly, a kind of possessiveness. They do not understand the simple fact of life: as soon as you begin to possess a living being, you immediately kill him.
You can't own life. You can't hold it in your fist. If you want to have it, then your arms must be open wide. But for centuries, everything has happened the other way around: prejudices have so strongly ingrained in us that we cannot separate love from jealousy. Love and jealousy have become almost one energy for us. For example, you feel jealous when your loved one leaves for another woman. It worries you now. However, I want to tell you that if you had not experienced jealousy, you would have gotten into even greater trouble: then you would have thought that you do not love him, because if you love, then you are jealous.
Love and jealousy mingled, became one. In fact, they are polar opposite. A mind capable of jealousy cannot love, and vice versa: a mind capable of love cannot be jealous.
(Sermones in Stones)
Recently, I was able to face my number one vice: jealousy. I gave myself completely to him, and as a result, I felt euphoria, grateful and full of energy. What should I learn from this experience and how to use it in order not to be influenced by jealousy again?
This experience is very important to you; this is one of the key points that can help completely change a person's energy.
In his disciples, George Gurdjieff always tried first of all to find their main enemy, for enemy number one contains that which can either destroy a person or lead to his transformation.
You looked your jealousy in the eye. Jealousy is one of the most dangerous elements in the human mind, in the female mind in particular. You need to open up to your enemy number one, not hide anything, not embellish, not try to make excuses - you are right, the situation is such that you, no doubt, have to be jealous - but in no way reassure yourself with explanations that jealousy is justified.
If you convince yourself that jealousy is justified, then it will remain, and even intensify. In this case, you will no longer feel the surge of energy that you are experiencing now. All the energy will be absorbed by jealousy, and the energy will hide in jealousy and will wait for the right moment to explode - it needs to find an excuse. Notes openly challenged jealousy, not trying to explain anything ... and justify; you just realized the fact that you are jealous ... and accepted your jealousy, And you realized that your jealousy concerns only you and no one else, and no one else in the world is responsible for it.
Any excuse is an attempt to defend jealousy.
You did everything right; as a result of simple observation, the jealousy disappeared.
This is what I have been talking about over the years: nothing needs to be done, you just need to consider the problem without any judgment, just as everything is reflected in a mirror.
Since this was your number one enemy, he had a lot of energy. Now he is gone, and the energy is released. This is why you feel more energetic, more loving, more sensual. You've dealt with your jealousy perfectly. The energy is now unlocked. You've fought jealousy for years. And now you have found the cherished key to victory.
Next time, as soon as you feel jealousy, immediately become aware of it. With all your psychological enemies, do the same as you did with your main enemy. These enemies are smaller, and they will disappear faster, because they do not have so much energy.
But if the energy remains, then a problem will surely appear: what to do with this energy. Until now, jealousy has used energy, it has absorbed it. Now the energy is spreading throughout the body. You have become more sensual, more loving.
Give her free rein: dance, sing, love, do whatever comes to your mind.
(The Transmission of the Lamp)
Please tell us about the feeling of possessiveness.
There is nothing worse in the world than lowering a person to the level of a thing, a commodity. This is possessiveness. Only things can be possessed; people cannot be possessed. You can communicate with a person. You can give your love, poetry, your beauty, body, mind. You can share, but you can't turn a relationship into a business. You can't bargain. You can't own a man or a woman. But all over the world this is exactly what everyone is doing. As a result, we have this lunatic asylum called planet Earth. A person strives for possession, but this is, in principle, impossible. This is contrary to the very nature of things. Then suffering appears. The more a person tries to possess the other, the more he or she strives for independence, for everyone has a natural right to be free, to be himself.
You are violating a person's privacy, the only holy place on earth. Neither Israel, nor Kashi, nor Mecca are holy. The only sacred place in the true sense of the word is a person's private life, his independence, originality.
If you love a person, then you will never invade his personal life. You never want to be a detective, peep through a keyhole, look into a soul. You will respect the privacy of the other person. Now look at the so-called lovers, husbands and wives, boys and girls. All of them constantly violate the boundaries, try to invade the private world of their partner, resist his private life. Why?
An independent, self-sufficient person is simply afraid. Tomorrow he may stop loving you, because love is never frozen. Love is fleeting, it has nothing to do with constancy. It can last for ages, but mostly it is fleeting, it lasts for a moment. Blessed is he who experiences it in subsequent moments. If it disappears, then you need to be grateful that you experienced it earlier.
Remain open: she may come again; if you don’t love this person, you can love another. The question is not people, the question is feeling. Love must be constantly in motion, it cannot be stopped.
But in their stupidity, people begin to think: "If he breaks free from my hands, then for the rest of my life I will no longer know love." They do not understand that by trying to keep someone forever, they doom themselves to dislike. They will not have love. Love cannot be expected from a slave. You cannot get love from your property; you can't get love from a chair, table, house or furniture.
You can achieve love only from a free person if you respect his uniqueness, his freedom. Love is born in a free relationship. Do not ruin her with the desire for possession, trying to keep her, creating legal bonds, marriage relations. Let your partner stay free, and stay free yourself. Don't let anyone make you their own.
To own someone is as disgusting as to belong to someone.
Love lives only when the lovers are not bound by fixed relationships. Once a relationship is established, love disappears. When a relationship is established, love gives way to something else, namely possessiveness.
Such a relationship can still be called love, but life cannot be fooled. Calling a feeling love won't change anything. This is no longer love, this is hate. This is not love, but an adaptation. This is not love, but compromise. It can be anything but love.
The deeper you plunge into the study of the issue, the more clearly you begin to understand that love and hate are not two different concepts. It seems that it is a linguistic mistake to designate them with two different words. In the future, at least in scientific works and textbooks on psychology, the conjunction "and" will not be used between the two words. Better to make one word, something like "love-hate". After all, these are two sides of the same coin.
(From Darkness to Light)
I lived for a year with a man who also likes to be with other women. I don't know how to deal with my jealousy.
It will always be difficult for a woman to cope with jealousy if she does not learn to love herself; otherwise, the difficulty remains. A man cannot be held, and it is foolish to hold him. You will simply destroy his happiness, and if his happiness is destroyed, he will begin to take revenge, he will not be able to feel the old love. If you try to guide him, to limit his freedom in every possible way, he will feel suffocated.
The problem is that a man has lived like this for centuries. And the woman never lived like that, and there were several reasons for this. Earlier, in the old days, the problem was the child; along with pregnancy, the woman had problems. She needed to solve the issue of security, pay and so on. Then the man himself began to teach the woman to be pure, virgin, to love one man. The man used a double standard: one for her and the other for him. A woman should be pure, devoted, pliable. And the man? There is a saying: "There is no demand from a man."
The man saved all freedom for himself. In the past, he succeeded because finances were in his hands. The man was financially independent. He was educated, he had a job. The woman had no job, no education. Her whole world was limited to the house. She had no contact outside the home, so she couldn't fall in love. To fall in love, you need to at least communicate with someone. A man built the Great Wall of China around a woman ... Muslims for centuries forbade a woman to show her face to strangers. A woman was not allowed to talk to men. This suppression lasted so long that it simply eaten into the flesh.
Today the situation has changed. Today a woman can get an education, she has a job. She is as free as a man. She can date people, fall in love, enjoy life. Today she is not worried about the problem of pregnancy, the contraceptive pill has given her the greatest freedom. But the old mind does not give up, because this is a rather long period of thousands and thousands of years of conditioning. Your mother, and your mother's mother, and all women before you were conditioned, and these prejudices have passed on to you as well.
The problem will remain until you become aware of it and thus get rid of it. You have a choice. You can keep nagging your partner, which is what women have been doing for centuries. But this will not help, it only pushes the man away from the woman. The more you scold him, the more you push him into someone else's arms, because he just gets tired, he gets tired of you. A man wants to go somewhere and find someone who will not nag him. There he will feel relief. So it doesn't help, it only destroys the relationship. The alternative is as follows: take courage and tell him that if he wants to, then let him remember: you, too, are free to do as you see fit. There should be no double standards! If he enjoys loving other women, you can also enjoy loving other men. You love him, but you can also love other men. Explain your position to him clearly, and if he gets scared, if he himself is capable of being jealous, he will immediately say: "I will not be any more"; at the same time he will stop his double play of his own accord. But another option is also possible: he will tell you that you should not worry that you can do the same as he did. There is nothing wrong with that!
I'm not saying that a man is doing something wrong. I am only talking about one thing: there should be no double standards; there should be only one standard for two. Each couple chooses the rules of the game for themselves, this is their obligation. Either you decide that you only belong to each other, that you are monogamous, and that is great if you both make the decision readily, happily, cheerful. If this is impossible, if one of you says: "I want to preserve my freedom," then you also preserve yours! Why is this suffering? Suffering appears only when one is having fun, and the other just sits and thinks about him. Have fun too!
This question concerns not only you alone. In the future, every woman should do this. Take courage and tell him before you go to someone: "It will be so, no need to be jealous of me." Men are even more jealous, their oppressed chauvinistic ego suffers: "Is my wife having sex with someone?" They begin to feel that they are not real men. But then that's their problem. First of all, you need to agree that you will follow a certain agreement. When two people decide to live together, they need to develop a set of rules. When you live alone, the question of behavior does not arise. Just develop rules of conduct, but these rules must be followed by both parties.
Whatever decision is made ... he may decide that he will not change, which is good. He may also decide that he does not want to lose his freedom, then you will be free in your actions. Don't get lost, start getting to know people. There are many wonderful people in the world, why be limited to only one person? Each person has unique qualities. Every person is unique.
Why don't you love many and enrich your love experience? In fact, your behavior does not interfere with your love for your husband. My observations suggest that if you love many people, you will love your loved one more, this is simple arithmetic, as you will become more experienced in love. You will know love in many of its manifestations. You will become more mature, experienced, skillful.
Only an immature soul can cling to another person. Why cling? Love is beautiful, love is divine, all these are forms of manifestation of God. Why cling to one form if it does not cling to you? If you are both passionate about each other, then that is a different matter.
There is an old idea that has not been supported by scientific research. It lies in the fact that if a man sometimes cheats on a woman, then she will suffer, because she will get less love than her rival. This is not true. She will not suffer, she will receive more. Soon, seeing other women, meeting other women, a man will more and more often begin to think: "What is the point of all adventures? My wife can give me all this, and even more passionately, with greater affection, with greater devotion. Why should I hang out all over the place like a beggar? " And he will hurry home, missing you very much.
Modern psychology argues that a few fleeting romances on the side will not hurt to save a marriage. If there are none, then family life can be endlessly boring. Freshness is lost in a relationship: the same man, the same woman, the same conversation, the same sex. Sooner or later, everything turns into a routine. Delight disappears, everything is repeated, monotony comes.
Talk to him and let him clearly understand that if he starts romances, you will also be free. And be it!
To be free, you need to be a little more courageous, you need to have courage, but you will enjoy it. This will not only not damage your family relationships, but only strengthen them. You will stop nagging him. If you start dating other people yourself, you will stop nibbling on it. That’s why women don’t date anyone — then their quarrelsomeness becomes meaningless. And they like to nag their husbands, it gives them power.
If they go on dates, they will stop making the man feel guilty. By making a man feel guilty, they gain tremendous power. But it's not right. Never make anyone feel guilty. If you love someone, why make them feel guilty? If he likes it, then so be it! You also have several novels. This will give you freedom from each other. If love is free, if it is born out of freedom, then it acquires a completely different quality. True beauty appears in it.
Then there will be no quarrels, no conflict, no jealousy, nothing like this will happen. Relationships will be calm, balanced, harmonious. If you have love on the side and he has love on the side, then both of you are enjoying an eternal honeymoon; being with someone is always wonderful. Then the relationship never gets old and rotten.
A little courage ... and so be it!
(Don "t Look before You Leap)
I would be grateful to You if You could tell a little about old age.
Sooner or later, old age comes to everyone. We need to understand the charm of old age, we need to understand the freedom of old age. We need to understand the wisdom of old age, its freedom from all that stupidity inherent in young people.
Old age gives a sense of height. If you combine this height with meditation ... you will be surprised: why did you waste your youth? Why did your parents ruin your childhood? Why didn't meditation become your very first gift in life? However, it is never too late to start meditating. If you manage to learn the meaning of your life even a few moments before death, then your life was not in vain.
Old age has always been highly respected in the East. In the past, the following was considered a shameless fact: your children get married, your children give birth to their children, and you are still attracted by women, you are still sexually active. You should be above that - it's time to give up the field to other fools to play football. You can, at most, be a judge, but not a player ...
You will never understand anything in life if you do not accept with gratitude everything that life gives you. Childhood was beautiful, youth had its flowers, and old age has its own heights of consciousness. The problem is that childhood comes by itself, and in old age you need to be creative.
You yourself create your old age. It can be torture, it can be a holiday. It may just be despair or it may become a dance. It all depends on how sincerely you accept life and all that it carries. One day it will bring death too - accept it with gratitude.
(The Great Pilgrimage: From Here to Here)
Why am I so afraid of old age?
One who has lived a real life will never fear death. If you lived in the full sense of the word, then you will welcome death. It will come as a rest, as a great dream. If in your life you have reached the peak, reached the highest peak, then death will become a wonderful rest, a blessing. But if you have not lived a full life, then, no doubt, death causes fear. If you have not lived, then, undoubtedly, death will take time from your hands, all future opportunities to live. You did not live in the past, and there will be no future: fear arises. Fear does not arise from death, but from an unlived life. Since there is a fear of death, old age also gives rise to fear, for it is the first step to death. If not for this circumstance, old age would be wonderful. This is the maturity of your life, your experience, your growth. If you live from moment to moment, boldly go to meet all life's trials, use all the opportunities that life provides you, then old age will become maturity. Otherwise, old age will be a disease.
Unfortunately, many people are simply getting old; they age before reaching the maturity of their age. The body has aged, but the inner life has not become richer. There is no inner light, and death is approaching every day. Of course, you will tremble, you will be scared, you will suffer a lot.
Old age is incredibly beautiful; it should be so, for all life is directed towards her; old age should be the peak. The peak cannot be at the beginning of life. The peak cannot be in the middle of life. If you think that your peak was in childhood, as many people think, then, of course, your whole life will be filled with suffering, because you have already reached the peak and the whole subsequent life will be a descent, a decline. If you think that youth is the peak, as many people think, then, of course, after thirty-five you will become sad, depressed, because every day you will lose and lose something, but you will not receive anything. The energy will weaken, you will become weak, illnesses will begin to torment you, and death will begin to knock on your door. Your house will disappear, a hospital will appear. How can you be happy in such a state? Not. In the East, we never thought that childhood or adolescence could be the peak of development. The peak is waiting for the very end.
If life is flowing correctly, then gradually you rise higher and higher. Death is the highest peak of life, its culmination.
Why does life pass by? Why does a person grow old but not mature? Somewhere something was broken; somewhere you have taken the wrong path; somewhere you agreed to take the wrong path. This agreement must be broken, this contract must be burned. This is what I call sannyas: understanding that "until now I lived wrong, my life was a compromise, I did not live for real."
When you were a child, you made a compromise. You sold your life. Is free. You got nothing in return, so, nonsense. You lost your soul for some little thing. You agreed to be someone else and not yourself - that's where you went astray. Your mother wanted you to be someone, your father wanted you to be someone, society wanted you to be someone, and you gave in. Gradually, you agreed not to be yourself. Since then, you have been pretending that you are someone else.
You cannot mature, therefore this other in you cannot mature. This is false. If I wear a mask, then the mask cannot mature, it is dead. My face can mature, but my mask cannot. Only your mask is aging, and behind this mask you are hiding, but you cannot grow up. Only those who accept themselves, who want to be themselves and no one else, can grow up.
The rose bush decided to become an elephant; the elephant decided to become a rose bush. Eagle is worried, he will soon seek psychiatric advice because he wants to become a dog; the dog is hospitalized because it wants to fly like an eagle. This is what happened to humanity. The biggest misfortune is agreeing to be someone else: in this case, you will never grow up.
You will never grow up if you are someone else. You can grow up only by remaining yourself. It is necessary to discard all "do's and don'ts", you need to listen less to what people say. What is their opinion? Who are they? You are here to be yourself; you're not here to live up to anyone's expectations, but that's exactly what everyone is trying to do. Your father may no longer be alive, and you are still trying to keep the promise you made to him. And he tried to keep the promise to his father, and so on and so forth. Stupidity is rooted in the very beginning. Try to understand the situation and have the courage. Take life into your own hands. Suddenly you will feel a surge of energy. The moment you make the decision: "I will remain myself and nothing else. I will remain myself, no matter what," you will feel a big change. You will feel the energy. The energy will burst you, pulsate in you.
If this does not happen, you will be afraid of old age. How can you avoid the thought that you are wasting your time, that life is passing by, old age is approaching, and you have not yet lived as it should? How can you avoid the thought that death is sneaking up on you, getting closer and closer every day, and you have not yet lived as you would like? You are simply doomed to suffer. If you ask me what to do, I would advise you to accept everything that life gives you.
