Accept what we cannot change. Quote: "God, give me reason and peace of mind, accept what I can not change Courage, change what I can, and wisdom to distinguish one from the other" - Guf - "Leader" Prayer of Francis of Assisi

Each person has a certain reserve of strength - someone manages to do all the things planned for the day, and someone gives up before he wakes up. But even the strongest person cannot control everything. We figure out how to learn to accept what cannot be changed.

Why is it important to be able to accept what is beyond your control

When a person does something, he wants to achieve a result. If the result depends only on his efforts - everything is simple. If you know how to cook soup, you will succeed, if you do not know how, it will not work. If you need to find people who have the necessary ingredients for the soup, the task becomes more complicated. In addition, a case can intervene in the case - bad weather, lost money. This is where the need arises to accept something that does not depend on you.

Why Accepting Uncontrolled Events Is Difficult

In every person lives a child who wants everything and at once. And when he doesn't get what he wants, he loses control. An adult understands that he cannot take everything from life, but the inner child drives him on. It is difficult to "turn on" an adult and humbly accept your own and others' mistakes. And they happen - you will calculate to the smallest detail a trip with friends for a picnic, but someone will oversleep or get sick. It is even more difficult to accept serious events - illness or betrayal of a loved one.

Believers find it easier to accept what cannot be changed. If someone, God for example, controls all events, then everything happens as it should be. Atheists, on the other hand, have to believe in chance and put up with it.

Almost all schools of psychotherapy have the same view of the acceptance process. If a life-changing strategy doesn't work, it's worth choosing an acceptance strategy. She can really help.

How to understand what is better to accept and what to change

In situations that are completely dependent on other people or natural phenomena, it is easier to choose an acceptance strategy. It is difficult to deal with death, the departure of a partner, the separation of children. If it is possible to agree with a partner until he has made a decision, then the children sooner or later leave the parental family. Death is also inevitable.

It is difficult to change the behavior of colleagues and loved ones - it is easier to accept them as they are than to try to improve. Psychologists believe that it is impossible to violate the boundaries of other people without consequences. You can invade with permission or invade without permission, but be careful. However, if the child allows himself to be taught, then the adult will respond aggressively.

In accepting one's characteristics, a simple indicator - shame - helps. If a person is ashamed of his behavior, but does not want to change it, then you should accept yourself. Recognize that you want to dress, talk, eat and sleep differently than others. And if this behavior does not violate the law and the boundaries of other people, then it can be accepted. Don't try to change.

How to Accept What You Can't Change (4 Easy Steps)

Recognize that a person has the right to their own decision

This rule applies to both adults and children. Everyone has the right to live the way they want. It is difficult to come to terms with being late, uncleanliness or incomprehensible values ​​​​of loved ones - but even if they are wrong, they must do it themselves. Laying unnoticed straw is obtained only with children.

Recognize that nature is stronger

Nature, divine law, chance - these phenomena test people for strength, and most often people, alas, lose. You can butt heads with Russian bad weather, but if you are not going to leave for warmer climes, then it’s best to just put up with it.

Viktor Frankl about the main strength of man,
that won't let him fall...

Goethe said that "if we accept people as such,
what they are, we make them worse. If we interpret
them as they should be, we help them become
as they are capable of being."

This aphorism became the motto of logotherapy (from the Greek "logos" - the word and "terapia" - care, care, treatment) - a direction of psychology founded by the Austrian psychologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl. Frankl believed that it is not so important what kind of children's complexes, shortcomings and limitations a person has. He proposed to explore not the depths of the personality, but its heights. In other words, what difference does it make what a person has in the red when he has such a potential in the black. And these disadvantages do not at all prevent him from realizing this potential.

Frankl insisted on exploring the heights of man, revealing his maximum capabilities. He was sure that it is not necessary to focus too much on complexes, shortcomings, base passions - a person will begin to consider everything through their prism, involuntarily develop them in himself. It is better, following Goethe's aphorism, to show a person that he is a little higher than he really is - this will allow him to reach for a higher bar all the time, to develop. The optimal level of such a bar is 10-20% more than it actually is. Then it does not arouse suspicion of lies or flattery.

This method is great for motivating subordinates.
As the most famous
CEO of a large car rental company
cars, Robert Townsend:

“Try to get to know your people better. The sole purpose of the organization should be to maximize opportunities for professional development for each employee. You cannot create motives for people. This door can only be opened from the inside. You can create an environment in which most employees motivate themselves to help the company achieve its goals.”

How to achieve this? Do not tell a person only about shortcomings, find something good in him, and exaggerate a little. He will perceive this as support - there will be a desire to really become better, to reach for a higher bar.

I would like to end this article with a quote from Viktor Frankl from his bestseller Saying YES to Life! Frankl was sure that a person can be stronger internally than his external circumstances. He is supported by some significant goal for him in the future. As Friedrich Nietzsche said: “Whoever has a “Why?” will endure any “How?”. And if a person has lost his "Why"?

“A person who has lost his inner strength rejects all attempts to cheer him up, saying the typical phrase: “I have nothing more to expect from life.” Viktor Frankl writes. - The whole difficulty is that the question of the meaning of life should be put differently. We must learn it ourselves and explain to the doubters that the point is not what we expect from life, but what it expects from us.”

Viktor Frankl (1905 - 1997)

Golden Rule of Life: Don't worry about
that you are not able to change, accept the situation like this,
what she is. 'Cause we're not trying to change
weather, but just dress for the weather.

The traveler asks the shepherd: -
What will the weather be like today? The shepherd answers:
- The one I like.
How do you know the weather will be like this?
which one do you like?
- Realizing that it is impossible to always get what you want
like, I learned to love what will be.
Therefore, I am absolutely sure that it will be exactly
the weather I like...

Complete collection and description: prayer, give me the strength, Lord, to change something for the spiritual life of a believer.

God, give me the mind and peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other (Prayer for Peace of Mind)

God, give me the intelligence and peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other—the first words of the so-called Prayer for Peace of Mind.

The author of this prayer, Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr (German: Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr; 1892 - 1971) was an American Protestant theologian of German origin. According to some reports, the words of the German theologian Karl Friedrich Etinger (1702-1782) became the source of this expression.

Reinhold Niebuhr first recorded this prayer for a 1934 sermon. The prayer has gained wide popularity since 1941, when it was used at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and soon this prayer was included in the Twelve Steps program, which is used to treat alcoholism and drug addiction.

In 1944, the prayer was included in the prayer book for army priests. The first phrase of the prayer hung over the desk of US President John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963).

God give me reason and peace of mind

accept what I can't change

the courage to change what I can,

and wisdom to distinguish one from the other

Living each day to the fullest;

Rejoicing in every moment;

Accepting hardship as the path to peace

Accepting like Jesus did

This sinful world is what it is

Not the way I would like to see it

Believing that You will arrange everything in the best way,

If I surrender myself to Your will:

So I can acquire, within reasonable limits, happiness in this life,

And surpassing happiness is with You forever and ever - in the life to come.

Full text of the prayer in English:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time

Enjoying one moment at a time

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is

Not as I would have it

trusting that you will make all things right,

If I surrender to your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with you forever in the next.

Prayer of the Venerable Elders and Fathers of Optina

God! Give me the strength to change what I can change in my life, give me the courage and peace of mind to accept what is beyond my power to change, and give me the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

Prayer of the German theologian Carl Friedrich Etinger (1702-1782).

In reference books of quotes and sayings of the Anglo-Saxon countries, where this prayer is very popular (as many memoirists point out, it hung over the desk of US President John F. Kennedy), it is attributed to the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971). Since 1940, it has been used by Alcoholics Anonymous, which also contributed to its popularity.

PRAYER OF THE REPRED ELDERS AND FATHERS OF OPTINA

Lord, let me meet with peace of mind everything that this day will give.

Lord, let me completely surrender to Your will.

Lord, for every hour of this day instruct and support me in everything.

Lord, reveal to me Your will for me and those around me.

Whatever news I receive during the day, let me accept it with a calm soul and with the firm conviction that everything is your holy will.

Lord, the Great Merciful, in all my deeds and words guide my thoughts and feelings, in all unforeseen circumstances, do not let me forget that everything was sent down by you.

Lord, let me act wisely with each of my neighbors, without upsetting or embarrassing anyone.

Lord, give me the strength to endure the fatigue of this day and all the events during it. Guide my will and teach me to pray and love everyone without hypocrisy.

Give me the courage to change what I can change.

There is a prayer that is considered their own not only by adherents of various faiths, but even by non-believers. In English, it is called Serenity Prayer - "Prayer for peace of mind." Here is one of her options: “Lord, give me peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, give me the courage to change what I can change, and give me the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.”

Whoever it was attributed to - Francis of Assisi, and the Optina elders, and the Hasidic Rabbi Abraham Malach, and Kurt Vonnegut. Why Vonnegut is just clear. In 1970, Novy Mir published a translation of his novel Slaughterhouse Five, or Crusade children" (1968). It mentioned a prayer that hung in the optometry office of Billy Pilgrim, the protagonist of the novel. “Many patients who saw the prayer on Billy’s wall later told him that she supported them very much. The prayer sounded like this: LORD, GIVE ME PEACE TO ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE WHAT I CAN, AND WISDOM TO ALWAYS DIFFERENT ONE FROM THE OTHER. What Billy couldn't change was the past, present, and future" (translated by Rita Wright-Kovaleva). Since that time, the "Prayer for Peace of Mind" has become our prayer.

It first appeared in print on July 12, 1942, when The New York Times ran a letter from a reader asking where the prayer came from. Only its beginning looked a little different; instead of "give me serenity of mind" - "give me patience." On August 1, another New York Times reader reported that the American Protestant preacher Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971) composed the prayer. This version can now be considered proven.

In oral form, the Niebuhr prayer appeared, apparently, in the late 1930s, but became widespread during the Second World War. Then she was adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous.

In Germany, and then in our country, Niebuhr's prayer was attributed to the German theologian Carl Friedrich Oetinger (K.F. Oetinger, 1702–1782). There was a misunderstanding here. The fact is that its translation into German was published in 1951 under the pseudonym "Friedrich Oetinger". This pseudonym belonged to the pastor Theodor Wilhelm; he himself received the text of the prayer from Canadian friends in 1946.

How original is Niebuhr's prayer? I undertake to assert that before Niebuhr she had not met anywhere. The only exception is its beginning. Already Horace wrote: “It is hard! But it is easier to endure patiently / That which cannot be changed” (“Odes”, I, 24). Seneca was of the same opinion: “It is best to endure what you cannot correct” (“Letters to Lucilius”, 108, 9).

In 1934, an article by Juna Purcell Guild "Why Go South?" appeared in one of the American magazines. It said: “Many southerners seem to be doing very little to erase the terrible memory of civil war. In both the North and the South, not everyone has the peace of mind to accept what cannot be changed” (serenity to accept what cannot be helped).

The unheard-of popularity of Niebuhr's prayer has led to parodic adaptations of it. The most famous of these is the relatively recent The Office Prayer: “Lord, give me the peace of mind to accept what I cannot change; give me the courage to change what I don't like; and give me the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I kill today, for they got me. And also help me, Lord, to be careful not to step on other people's feet, because there may be asses above them, which I will have to kiss tomorrow.

Here are a few more "non-canonical" prayers:

“Lord, protect me from the desire to speak always, everywhere and about everything” is the so-called “Prayer for old age”, which is most often attributed to the famous French preacher Francis de Sales (1567–1622), and sometimes to Thomas Aquinas (1226–1274). In fact, she appeared not so long ago.

"Lord, save me from the man who never makes a mistake and also from the man who makes the same mistake twice." This prayer is attributed to the American physician William Mayo (1861–1939).

“Lord, help me find Your truth and save me from those who have already found it!” (Author unknown).

"Oh Lord - if you exist, save my country - if it deserves to be saved!" As if some American soldier spoke at the beginning of the American Civil War (1861).

“Lord, help me become what my dog ​​thinks I am!” (Author unknown).

In conclusion - the Russian saying of the 17th century: "Lord, have mercy, and give something."

PRAYER FOR PEACE OF SPIRIT GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO CHANGE WHAT I CAN CHANGE.

Imasheva Alexandra Grigorievna

Psychologist-consultant,

The healing power of prayer

Believers are well aware that prayer is uplifting. As they would say modern language, it "improves the quality of life". Data from many scientific studies (conducted by both Christian and atheist experts) have shown that people who pray regularly and with concentration feel better both physically and mentally.

Prayer is our conversation with God. If fellowship with friends and loved ones is important to our well-being, then fellowship with God—our best, most loving Friend—is immeasurably more important. Indeed, his love for us is truly boundless.

Prayer helps us deal with feelings of loneliness. In fact, God is always with us (the Scripture says: “I am with you all the days until the end of the age”), that is, in fact, we are never alone, without His presence. But we tend to forget the presence of God in our lives. Prayer helps us "bring God into our home." It connects us to the Almighty God who loves us and wants to help us.

Prayer, in which we thank God for what he sends us, helps us to see the good around us, develop an optimistic outlook on life and overcome despondency. It develops a grateful attitude towards life, as opposed to the eternally dissatisfied, demanding attitude that is the foundation of our unhappiness.

Prayer, in which we tell God about our needs, also has an important function. In order to tell God about our problems, we have to sort them out, sort them out, and, above all, admit to ourselves that they exist. After all, we can only pray for those problems that we have recognized as existing.

Denial of one's own problems (or shifting them “from a sick head to a healthy one”) is a very widespread (and one of the most harmful and ineffective) way of “fighting” with difficulties. For example, the typical alcoholic always denies that drinking has become main problem his life. He says: “Nothing, I can stop drinking at any time. Yes, and I drink no more than others ”(as a drunkard said in a popular operetta,“ I drank just a little bit ”). Far less serious problems than drunkenness are also denied. You can easily find many examples of denial of the problem in the lives of your friends and relatives, and even in your own life.

When we bring our problem to God, we are forced to acknowledge it in order to talk about it. Recognizing and identifying a problem is the first step towards solving it. It is also a step towards truth. Prayer gives us hope and comfort; we acknowledge the problem and “surrender” it to the Lord.

During prayer, we show the Lord our own "I", our personality, as it is. In front of other people, we may try to pretend, to look better or different; before God, we do not need to behave like this, because He sees through us. Pretense is absolutely useless here: we enter into frank communication with God as a unique, one-of-a-kind person, discarding all tricks and conventions and revealing ourselves. Here we can allow ourselves the “luxury” of being completely ourselves and thus provide ourselves with the opportunity for spiritual and personal growth.

Prayer gives us confidence, brings a sense of well-being, a sense of strength, removes fear, helps to cope with panic and longing, supports us in grief.

Anthony of Surozh invites beginners to pray the following short prayers (for one week each):

Help me, O God, to free myself from every false image of Yours, no matter what the cost.

Help me, God, to leave all my worries and focus all my thoughts on You alone.

Help me, God, to see my own sins, never judge my neighbor, and all glory be to You!

Into Your hands I commit my spirit; not my will be done, but yours.

PRAYER OF THE REPRED ELDERS AND FATHERS OF OPTINA

Lord, let me meet with peace of mind everything that this day will give.

Lord, let me completely surrender to Your will.

Lord, for every hour of this day instruct and support me in everything.

Lord, reveal to me Your will for me and those around me.

Whatever news I receive during the day, let me accept it with a calm soul and with the firm conviction that everything is your holy will.

Lord, the Great Merciful, in all my deeds and words guide my thoughts and feelings, in all unforeseen circumstances, do not let me forget that everything was sent down by you.

Lord, let me act wisely with each of my neighbors, without upsetting or embarrassing anyone.

Lord, give me the strength to endure the fatigue of this day and all the events during it. Guide my will and teach me to pray and love everyone without hypocrisy.

DAILY PRAYER OF ST. FILARET

Lord, I don't know what to ask of You. You alone know what I need. You love me more than I can love myself. Let me see my needs that are hidden from me. I do not dare to ask for a cross or consolation, I only appear before you. My heart is open to you. I put all my hope See the needs that I do not know, see and deal with me according to Your mercy. Crush and lift me up Strike and heal me. I revere and remain silent before Your holy will, Your destinies incomprehensible to me. I have no desire, except the desire to do Your will. Teach me to pray. Pray in me yourself. Amen.

PRAYER FOR PEACE OF MIND

Lord, give me the mind and peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

The full version of this prayer:

Help me humbly accept what I can't change

Grant me the courage to change what I can

And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

Help me to live the cares of today

Enjoy every minute, realizing its transience,

In adversity, see the path leading to peace of mind and peace.

Accept, like Jesus, this sinful world as it is

it is, but not the way I would like it to be.

To believe that my life will be transformed for the good by Your will if I entrust myself to her.

In this way I can find abiding with You in eternity.

Health. Human. Nature.

Unknown aspects of religion, astrology, people's lives and their impact on health.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Forgive me a sinner, God, that I pray little or not at all to You.

April 17, 2016

Prayer of Francis of Assisi

and wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

Give me HUMILITY to accept what I cannot change.

And give me WISDOM to distinguish one from the other.

give me the humility to endure what I cannot change, and

give me wisdom so that I can distinguish one from the other.

Make me worthy to be an instrument of Your peace.

So that I bring Faith, where there is doubt.

Hope where they despair.

Joy where they suffer.

Love where they hate.

So that I bring the Truth where they err.

Consolation, not expectation of consolation.

Understand rather than wait for understanding.

To love, not to wait for love.

Whoever forgets himself, he gains.

Whoever forgives will be forgiven.

Whoever dies will wake up to eternal life.

and where Hate is, let me bring Love;

where Resentment is, let me bring Forgiveness;

where Doubt is, let me bring Faith;

where Sadness, let me bring Joy;

where there is strife, let me bring Unity;

where there is despair, let me bring hope;

where the Darkness is, let me bring the Light;

where Chaos is, let me bring Order;

where Error is, let me bring the Truth.

Help me, Lord!

not so much to want to be consoled as to console;

not so much to want to be understood as to understand;

not so much to want to be loved as to love.

who gives, he receives;

who forgets himself finds himself again;

who forgives, he is forgiven.

Lord, make me Your obedient instrument in this world!

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where resentment is forgiveness;

Where doubt is faith;

Where despair is hope;

Where darkness is light;

And where sorrow is joy.

To be consoled, how to console

To be understood, how to understand

To be loved is how to love.

In forgiveness we are forgiven

And in dying we are born to eternal life.

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Give me the courage to change what I can change...
There is a prayer that is considered their own not only by adherents of various faiths, but even by non-believers. In English, it is called Serenity Prayer - "Prayer for peace of mind." Here is one of her options:

"Lord, give me the peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, give me the courage to change what I can change, and give me the wisdom to tell one from the other."

Whoever it was attributed to - Francis of Assisi, and the Optina elders, and the Hasidic Rabbi Abraham Malach, and Kurt Vonnegut.
Why Vonnegut is just clear. In 1970, a translation of his novel Slaughterhouse Five, or the Children's Crusade (1968) appeared in the New World. It mentioned a prayer that hung in the optometry office of Billy Pilgrim, the protagonist of the novel.

“Many patients who saw the prayer on Billy’s wall later told him that she supported them very much. The prayer went like this:
GOD, GIVE ME THE PEACE TO ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE WHAT I CAN, AND WISDOM TO ALWAYS DIFFERENT ONE FROM THE OTHER.
The things Billy couldn't change were the past, the present, and the future."
(translated by Rita Wright-Kovaleva).

Since that time, the "Prayer for Peace of Mind" has become our prayer.
It first appeared in print on July 12, 1942, when The New York Times ran a letter from a reader asking where the prayer came from. Only its beginning looked a little different; instead of "give me serenity of mind" - "give me patience." On August 1, another New York Times reader reported that the American Protestant preacher Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971) composed the prayer. This version can now be considered proven.

In oral form, the Niebuhr prayer appeared, apparently, in the late 1930s, but became widespread during the Second World War. Then she was adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous.

In Germany, and then in our country, Niebuhr's prayer was attributed to the German theologian Carl Friedrich Oetinger (K.F. Oetinger, 1702–1782). There was a misunderstanding here. The fact is that its translation into German was published in 1951 under the pseudonym "Friedrich Oetinger". This pseudonym belonged to the pastor Theodor Wilhelm; he himself received the text of the prayer from Canadian friends in 1946.

How original is Niebuhr's prayer? I undertake to assert that before Niebuhr she had not met anywhere. The only exception is its beginning. Already Horace wrote:

“It's hard! But it's easier to bear patiently /
What can't be changed"
("Odes", I, 24).

Seneca was of the same opinion:

"It's best to endure
what you can't fix"
("Letters to Lucilius", 108, 9).

In 1934, an article by Juna Purcell Guild "Why Go South?" appeared in one of the American magazines. It said: “Many southerners seem to be doing very little to erase the terrible memory of the Civil War. In both the North and the South, not everyone has the peace of mind to accept what cannot be changed” (serenity to accept what cannot be helped).

The unheard-of popularity of Niebuhr's prayer has led to parodic adaptations of it. The most famous of these is the relatively recent The Office Prayer:

“Lord, give me peace of mind to accept what I cannot change; give me the courage to change what I don't like; and give me the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I kill today, for they got me. And also help me, Lord, to be careful not to step on other people's feet, because there may be asses above them, which I will have to kiss tomorrow.
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Here are a few more "non-canonical" prayers:

“Lord, protect me from the desire to speak always, everywhere and about everything”
- the so-called "Prayer for old age", which is most often attributed to the famous French preacher Francis de Sales (1567-1622), and sometimes Thomas Aquinas (1226-1274). In fact, she appeared not so long ago.

"Lord, save me from the man who never makes a mistake and also from the man who makes the same mistake twice."
This prayer is attributed to the American physician William Mayo (1861–1939).

“Lord, help me find Your truth and save me from those who have already found it!”

“Lord, help me become what my dog ​​thinks I am!” (Author unknown).

In conclusion - the Russian saying of the 17th century: "Lord, have mercy, and give something."