How to reflect bad and angry thoughts. Confessor's advice. One elder said: "There are many good and pious priests, but one out of a thousand can correctly lead a person's spiritual life - this is a special gift of God"
“Nothing is so inappropriate for penitents as irritable anger, because turning to God requires great humility, and irritability is a sign of a high opinion of oneself.”
“Irritability in a man is a moat for him; and whoever has overcome irritability in himself has passed this ditch.
It is better to stop irritation with a smile than to rage indomitably.
"The increase in fog thickens the air, and the movement of irritation coarsens the mind of the angry."
The Holy Father gives a good comparison here. In a state of irritation, the human mind loses its sharpness and correctness of knowledge, that is, insight. So the fog makes the air opaque and does not allow you to see everything around; so twilight blurs objects; so the cloud covers the sun for a time, and its rays are suddenly extinguished. Understand that an irritable person cannot think rightly.
“The lion in the menagerie constantly shakes the door hooks, and the irritable one in the cell sorts out angry thoughts.”
This is a symptom of illness: when a Christian, in a calm home, being alone, considers who offended or insulted him when, and his head is full of these thoughts, this indicates that the mind is infected with angry passion, it is darkened and the need for urgent treatment in the Sacrament of Penance.
“Water is disturbed by a fallen stone, and the heart of a man is an evil word.
Remove angry thoughts from your soul and do not let irritation settle in your heart - and you will not be stirred up during prayer.
The prayer of an irritated one is an abominable incense, the psalmody of an angry one is an unpleasant sound.
Indignant dreams are seen by the irritated, and the attacks of animals are dreamed of by the angry.
“It is a great harm to disturb the eye of the heart with irritation, according to the word of the one who said: my eye is furious with fury(Ps. 6, 8); but even more - to express in words the emotional excitement of anger; to put hands into action at the same time is completely opposite and alien to the life of a monastic - angelic and Divine "
Anger
What is anger and what are its manifestations and degrees?
“Anger is the remembrance of innermost hatred, that is, remembrance of malice. Anger is the desire to do evil to the grieving. Hot temper (acute bile) is instantaneous kindling of the heart. Grief is an unpleasant (unfortunate) feeling that has settled in the soul. Rage is the subversion of the good mood and the shame of the soul.
Lack of anger is a morning calm on the sea, a calm surface of the water in the absence of a breath of wind. Irritability is the surface of the soul, covered with ripples of indignation. Anger is a storm on the sea. Rage is a hurricane, a typhoon that crushes everything in its path. Hot temper - sudden sharp gusts of wind in clear weather, a squall that suddenly swoops in and ends just as quickly. Memory-spite - the sea after the storm, vomited all the silt and all the dirt from the bottom, lost the transparency of the water and is still restless.
“Some, being prone to irritability and anger, do not pay attention to this and do not care about the healing of this passion, not thinking about what the Wise One said: the aspiration of his rage will fall to him (see Sir. 1, 22).
Anger, like the rapid movement of a millstone, can grind and destroy more spiritual wheat and fruit in an instant than anything else in a whole day. Therefore, you must pay close attention to yourself. He is like a flame fanned strong wind, rather than a slow fire, burns and destroys the spiritual field.
If the Holy Spirit is the peace of the soul, and anger is the confusion of the heart, then nothing puts such a barrier to His presence in us as irritable anger.
“Anger is a violent passion, it easily infuriates even those who have knowledge, it makes the soul brutal and makes it shy away from (friendly) conversation.
The thoughts of the wrathful are the offspring of vipers, they devour the heart that gave birth to them.
Thoughts come from the heart that gave birth to them. If they are evil, then they come back and pierce the heart like a knife, pierce the soul and destroy it. Constantly dwelling in the heart, they exude it like worms. A person becomes a “core”, “a heart attack”, not only the spiritual, but also the carnal heart suffers. If the Heavenly Doctor does not cure him, earthly cardiologists will help such a person only for a while.
“Anger excites grief and hostility; but love drives all three of them away.
Anger and hatred are the fire of the heart, and the souls of the unforgiving are irrigated with spiritual dew.
The action of the passion of anger
“What can be said about those whose implacability is not limited even by the setting sun itself; but who hold a grudge many days against those against whom they are angry? Let them sometimes say in words that they are not angry, but deeds often clearly expose them to strong indignation, when, for example, they do not address them with decent speech and do not speak with their usual kindness. They think that they do not sin in this, because they do not seek revenge for their irritation. But they just do not dare or cannot detect it, but they seethe in their hearts with it and silently experience it and through this they turn the poison of anger into their own destruction; they do not immediately drive out the bitterness of annoyance by the strength of the soul, but digest it for many days and somehow over time - tame it a little.
As if he does not satisfy his vengeance and annoyance, who, out of those inspired by anger, fulfills only what he can! So do those who hold back angry movements, not out of the desire for peacefulness, but out of the weakness of revenge, tearing it down, however, with what they can. For not being able to do anything more to those with whom they are angry than not to speak to them with the usual kindness, this is what they tear their hearts at them. As if it were enough to moderate anger in revealing its deed; but there is no need to tear it out of the secret places of the heart - so that, having been darkened by its darkness, we would not be deprived of sound judgment and the light of knowledge and would not cease to be a temple of the Holy Spirit when the spirit of anger dwells in us. For although the anger hidden in the heart does not offend the people who are coming, the brightest radiance of the Holy Spirit survives all the same, just like the anger that is revealed.
And how can one think that God makes it easier for us to hold anger even for one minute, when He does not allow us to offer sacrifices of our spiritual prayers, if we realize not that we are angry with another, but that another has something on us, saying: if you offer your gift to the altar, and remember that, as if your brother had something for you: leave that your gift before the altar, and when you go, first make peace with your brother, and then when you come, bring your gift (see Matt. 5, 23-24)? How can we think that we are allowed to hold sorrow against a brother, I do not say - for many days, but at least until sunset, if even then, as he has something for us, we are not allowed to offer our prayers to God - to us, who are commanded by the Apostle : pray without ceasing(1 Thess. 5, 17), and: I desire that prayers be done by men in every place, lifting up the hands of the venerable without anger and reflection (see 1 Tim. 2, 8)? So, if we keep such poison in our hearts, then it remains for us either never to pray and, thus, to be guilty before the apostolic and gospel commandment, which commands us to pray incessantly and in every place - or, if somehow, fooling ourselves, let us dare to pour out our prayer, despite its prohibition, to know that in this case we do not offer a prayer to the Lord, but we express proud disobedience, in the spirit of rebellion against Him.
But why should we dwell any longer on the gospel and apostolic commandments, when the old law, which seems to somewhat alleviate our infirmities, also warns against this, saying: do not hate your brother in your mind(Lev. 19:17); and again: the path of those who remember evil into death (see Proverbs 12:28); and again: do not let your hand avenge you, and do not be at enmity against the sons of your people (see Lev. 19:18)? You see that there, too, disposition towards the brethren is cut off not only in deeds, but also in secret thoughts, when it is commanded to spew out hatred from the heart and not only not to repay the offense, but not even to remember it.
Sometimes, defeated by pride or impatience, when we feel a special inner compulsion to correct our discordant and disorderly disposition, we complain in ourselves that we lack the desert, in the implied expectation that there, without being disturbed by anyone, we would immediately acquire the virtue of patience, obviously, thereby excusing his negligence (about the taming of outbursts of anger), and not attributing the reason for their excitement to his own impatience, but laying it down to the brethren. But if, in this way, we lay on others the causes of our failure in this, we will never be able to reach the proper measure of patience and perfection. Do not place the cause of the correction and pacification of our heart in the hands of the will of another, which is in no way subject to our power, but see it in the good mood of our will. In order not to become angry, this should depend not on the perfection of another, but on our virtue, acquired not by someone else's patience, but by our own generosity.
You see, my friend, the Lord has commanded us to love each other but do not demand love for yourself; first of all, to direct oneself, and not to be engaged in the eradication of other people's vices and the justification of one's illness, which we do not want or are too lazy to treat.
“Someone until then seems to himself patient and humble, until he sees no one and does not enter into intercourse; but immediately returns to his former disposition, as soon as any occasion causes him to move: then immediately the passions that were hidden are pulled out of him, and, like unbridled horses, fattened in long inactivity, with great aspiration and fury break out of their locks on the death of his rider. For the passions, not having been cleansed in advance, become more violent in us when the cases of discovering and curbing them among people are stopped. And the very shadow of patience, which, as it seemed, we, living in mingling with the brethren, apparently possessed and which we showed, at least out of respect for them and the shame of appearing before all the faint-hearted, we lose in the carefree desert of carelessness.
Human community best reveals the inner mores.
“When the demons see that we did not ignite in the very heat of insult; then, having attacked in silence, they try to arouse the dominant in us (mind), so that we would rebel in absentia against those with whom we kept peace when they were face to face with us.
“If there is a limit to extreme meekness - and in the presence of an annoying person peacefully and lovingly in the heart to be disposed towards him, then, without a doubt, there is a limit to extreme anger - when someone, being alone with himself, fiercely fights and fights with the one who offended him, showing it's words and gestures.
Let us take a closer look and see that many of the angry ones zealously keep vigil, fasting, silence - and the enemy does not interfere with them in this; for he knows how, under the feats of repentance and lamentation, to prepare materials for the nourishment of the growth of this passion.
The forgetfulness of evil is a sign of true repentance; and who, remembering evil, thinks that repentance is passing, he is like a man who imagines himself running in a dream.
Look: the one who truly repents cannot and does not want to think evil and remember evil about others, for he sees his own poverty and darkness.
“Just as fire is disgusting to water, so it is unusual for a penitent to judge others. If you saw someone sinning even when the soul left the body - and then do not condemn him, for the judgment of God is hidden from people. Others clearly fell in a great fall, but secretly performed even greater good deeds; and lovers of gossip fell into error, seeing the smoke and not seeing the sun behind it.
Experience has proven that for what sins, bodily or spiritual, we condemn our neighbor, we ourselves fall into them.
The quick and severe tormentors of the sins of their neighbor are ill with this passion because they do not have a perfect and constant memory and sorrow for their own sins. For if someone, without a veil of self-love, truly looks at his evil deeds, he will no longer care about anything else but them, rightly arguing that he will not have enough time for mourning himself all his life, even if he lived a hundred years and at least I saw from my eyes a whole Jordan of tears pouring out.
Demons, the killers of souls, urge us either to sin, or, if we do not sin, to condemn those who sin, in order to defile us through that - and those who do not sin.
I saw people secretly committing serious sins, only not made public, who, in their opinion of their purity, mercilessly attacked those who fell into sins, although light, but made public.
To judge is a shameless abduction of the dignity of God; but to condemn is the destruction of one's soul.
“The north wind sets the sea in agitation, and irascibility excites the thoughts in a person; but generosity drives away irritability, and without irritability, anger also ceases.
An unbridled horse betrays its rider into the hands of villains: and an ardent man falls into trouble.
Whoever loves rebellions will suddenly be overtaken by destruction, division and incurable contrition, because he rejoices in everything that is hateful to the Lord; and whoever loves the world will inherit the world; but meekness in man prevents irritation.
Fallen, but not harboring hatred and envy, the Lord will not leave in the fall; but will give him a helping hand to rebellion - because he did not reject love. On the contrary, and firmly, apparently, standing, but puffed up with pride and harboring hatred, is not safe, because the obscuration of hatred has blinded his eyes - and he does not see where he is going.
Slander and slander
One of the manifestations of angry-irritable passion is slander. Slandering defiles the soul of the blasphemer, poisons him and his accomplices with the poison of irritable condemnation. In order not to be poisoned by this poison, one should shun the blasphemous.
“He who did not wound his tongue with slander, he kept his heart and his conscience undefiled. Whoever is not caught by the spirit of slander, he truly knows that he himself is a carnal man and has kept himself unforgiving. He who is not in fellowship with the blasphemers will be at home with the angels. He who has not poisoned his ears and tongue with slander is filled with the medicine of love. Whoever does not defile his mouth with slander, his lips are fragrant with the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
He who speaks evil of another condemns himself. In the slanderous there is slander, and hatred, and falsehood; and he is justly recognized as a fratricide.
Whoever wants to live peacefully in any place, let him not seek his own peace, but the peace of others in the Lord, and find peace for himself. But the quarrelsome and malevolent will never calm down.
“Whoever is hurt by the slander of others, not relating it to the devil as a source, he even more encourages the enemy to prepare arrows for himself - by the fact that his soul falls, being wounded by such slander.”
memory malice
What is remembrance?
“Memory of anger is the last limit of anger, keeping in memory sins (against our neighbor), aversion from the image of justification (defined by God: forgive, and it will be forgiven), the destruction of all former virtues, a soul-destroying poison, a worm gnawing the heart, shame to pray (as you say: leave, like we do?), a nail stuck in the soul, unceasing sin, vigilant lawlessness, hourly evil.
“If you hide in your heart the passion of remembrance of malice, then you will become the abode of rage and ignorance, and together with sadness - and the appearance of your face will change. For it is said: the path of those who remember ill will into death (see Prov. 12:28).
Pray to the Lord and shed tears before His goodness; then remembrance of malice will not dwell in your soul, and your prayer will be like a censer before Him (see Ps. 140:2).
Whoever, convicted of vice, is silent, hides in his heart memory of malice, and whoever defends himself (or confesses) with meekness and peacefully, he is not memory-wicked.
“Remembering malice, remembering malice against demons, and being at enmity, always be at enmity with your body. The flesh is an ungrateful and treacherous friend; when one pleases her, she harms even more.
Rancor is a crooked interpreter of Scripture, allegorically turning the words of the Spirit to please himself. But let him be put to shame by the prayer given to us by the Lord Jesus, which we cannot say, having rancor in our hearts.
From hatred and remembrance of malice, slander is born - a subtle disease, a secretive leech that sucks the blood of love.
Know that in the spirit of hostility to censure with pleasure the teachings, deeds and virtues of your neighbor is a sign of vindictive and envious people.
“A cloud that has come over darkens the sun, and the thought of remembrance of malice is the mind.
As smoke from smoldering straw disturbs the eyes, so remembrance of malice disturbs the mind during prayer.
When you stand on prayer rule or you participate in worship, and at the same time touchy, angry, vindictive and other evil thoughts come to your mind against people who have wrongly or justly acted against you - this indicates the infecting of thoughts to the mind and its beginning damage. With the eyes of your heart you look at God, but soon you are distracted, because resentment against your neighbor veils and hurts your eyes. If every time at the moment of prayer evil thoughts arise, this is not an accident, but a disease of the mind and the subject of confession from the confessor.
“The gift of the vindictive is a wormy sacrifice, and let it not approach the purifying altars.
He who bears remembrance of demons is not remorseful of people; but with demons is at peace, who remembers malice against his brother.
Fiery coals cast sparks from themselves; so do vindictive souls vomit evil thoughts out of themselves.
As the sting of a scorpion produces the most severe pain; so the vindictive soul keeps the most bitter poison in itself.
Treatment of the passion of anger (love, simplicity, patience, silence)
“It is up to us to uproot the deadly poison of anger from the depths of our souls. For as long as it nestles in our hearts and blinds the eye of our mind with pernicious darkness, until then we can neither acquire the correct distinction between good and evil and the sharpness of worthy contemplation, nor possess the maturity of advice, nor be partakers of life, nor steadfastly hold on to the truth, nor even perceive the true spiritual light, for it is said: my eye is furious with fury(Ps. 6, 8); we cannot become partakers of wisdom, even if by the opinion of all we are proclaimed by the wise, since rage rests in the bosom of fools (see Eccl. 7, 10); we cannot achieve a long life, even if by definition people were revered as reasonable, because anger destroys even the reasonable (see Prov. 15, 1); we will not always be able to hold the scales of truth according to the direction of the heart, for anger he does not make a man of the righteousness of God(James 1:20); in no way can we have the important respect that is so common even among the people of this age, even if by the advantages of birth they were honored and respected, since husband: ardent unseemly(Prov. 11, 25); we cannot in any way possess the maturity of advice, even if we seem to have acquired extensive knowledge, for a sharp-furious one creates everything without advice (see Prov. 14, 17); we cannot be at peace from worries and embarrassments and free from sins, even if we are not disturbed at all by others, since an angry husband (later himself) raises a quarrel: the ardent husband opens(reveals without shame) sins(Prov. 29, 22).
Some, striving to excuse this pernicious disease of the soul, attempt to belittle it (obscenity) with the help of the most indecent interpretation of the Scriptures, saying: it does not matter if we are angry with the brethren who sin, since God Himself is inflamed with anger and rage against those who either do not want to know Him. , or, knowing, they do not honor as they should, as for example: and the Lord was angry with the fury of His people(Ps. 105:40), or as in another place where the prophet prays, saying: Lord, do not rebuke me with Your wrath, punish me with Your anger(Ps. 6:2). And they do not understand that at the same time as through this they give people the freedom to act according to this passion to their own detriment, also to God, the infinite, the Source of all purity, they impiously attribute impure carnal passion.
If these and similar passages of Scripture are understood literally, in a gross sensual sense, then it will turn out that God sleeps and wakes up, sits and walks, turns to someone and turns away from him, approaches and moves away, and has bodily members - a head, eyes, hands, legs and more. Just as all this without extreme sacrilege cannot be literally understood about Him Who, according to the testimony of Scripture, is invisible, indescribable, omnipresent, so without blasphemy one cannot attribute to Him indignation with anger and fury. Under the name of bodily members and movements, divine properties and providential actions about us are denoted, which we can more conveniently understand under these similar names: eyes mean God's omniscience and omniscience, arms and legs - His creativity and providence, muscles - strength and omnipotence, and so on. So when we read about the wrath or wrath of God, when we read, we must understand that it is not human-like, but worthy of God, alien to any indignation - it is precisely by this that we understand that He is the Judge and the righteous retributor for everything that is wrong done in this world, and being afraid at reading such sayings of the righteous punishment of God, in every possible way beware of doing anything contrary to His will<...>.
Yes it will be bad<...>[a Christian], striving for perfection and lawfully striving for spiritual achievement, is alien to any movement of passion, anger and fury, hearing what the chosen vessel commands him: all sorrow, and anger, and rage, and crying, and blasphemy, let it be taken away from you with all malice(Eph. 4:31) - who, saying, "Let all wrath be taken away from you," did not remove from such a sentence any movement of anger, as if necessary or useful. Why [a Christian] and hastening, if necessary, to heal a sinning brother, let him do it in such a way that when he takes care to give medicine to a sufferer with a very slight, maybe fever, being angry, he will not plunge himself into the worst disease of that blindness. For he who wants to heal the wound of another must himself be healthy and free from any disease, so that this gospel word would not be said to him: doctor heal yourself(Luke 4:23), and also: what do you see, bitch, which is in your brother's eye, but do you not feel the log, which is in your eye? Or whatever you say to your brother, leave it, and I will take away the twig from your eye, and the log in your eye (see Matt. 7, 3-4).
From whatever reason the movement of anger flares up, it blinds the eyes of the heart and, putting a cover on the sharpness of intellectual vision, does not allow the Sun of truth to be seen. It doesn't matter whether the sheet is gold, or lead, or some other metal is applied to the eyes, the value of the metals does not make a difference in blinding. It happens, however, from anger that a service is very useful to us when we get angry, annoyed at the voluptuous movements of our heart, and we are indignant that in the recesses of our chest rises what to do or even talk about, we are ashamed before people, trembling with fear at the thought of the presence of angels and of God Himself, everywhere and everything penetrating, and of the all-seeing eye of God, from which no secrets of our conscience can be hidden. Or when we get angry against this very anger, why he crept in, exciting us against our brother, and with anger we spew out his pernicious suggestions, not letting him hide in spite of us in the recesses of our chest. The Prophet also teaches us to be angry, who so resolutely withdrew this passion from his feelings that he did not want to repay his obvious enemies, even those betrayed by God into his hands. So, when Shimei, throwing stones at King David, loudly cursed him in front of everyone, and Abishai, the son of Saruin, in vengeance for such an insult to the king, wanted to take his head, blessed David, moving with pious indignation against such his suggestion, kept unshakable his meekness and showed an example of humility and firm patience, saying: what about me and you sons of Saruina? Leave him, and let him curse like that, as the Lord spoke to him to curse David: and who says: why did ecu taco?<...>Behold, my son, who has come out of my womb, seeks my soul, and how much more so is the son of Jemini; leave him to curse me, as the Lord has spoken to him. Negli the Lord will look upon my humility, and will return me good, instead of his oath on this day(2 Kings 16:10-12).
Thus, we are allowed to be angry, but savingly, that is, at ourselves and at incoming bad thoughts - to be angry with them and not to sin, that is, not to bring them into action to our own detriment. The same meaning is more clearly expressed in the following verse: even speak in your hearts, be touched on your beds(Ps. 4, 5), that is, what you think in your hearts, due to the intrusion of sudden, embarrassing suggestions, then, after you have time to calm down every noise and storm of anger by peaceful reasoning and, as it were, lie down on the deceased bed, correct and make amends with salvific crush.
And the blessed Paul, taking advantage of the indication of this verse, after having said, Be angry, and do not sin, added: let the sun not go down in your wrath: below give place to the devil(Eph. 4:26-27). If it is pernicious to allow the sun to set in our anger, and if we, being angry, immediately give place to the devil in our hearts, then how did he command us to be angry before that, saying: be angry and do not sin? Doesn’t he explicitly express the following: be angry at your passions and at your very anger, so that otherwise, with your indulgence, the Sun of Truth - Christ, would not begin to set in your minds darkened by anger, and with His departure you would not give a place in your hearts to the devil .
In an allegorical sense, the sun can be understood as reason, which is rightly called the sun, for the sake of which illuminates all the thoughts and aspirations of our heart, and under the prohibition of anger, we can see the commandment not to extinguish this luminary with the passion of anger; so that, with its setting, the darkness of stormy confusion with its producer, the devil, does not occupy our whole heart, and we, embraced by the darkness of anger, do not remain, as if in a dark night, in ignorance of what to do. In this sense, to understand this place of the Apostle is given to us in the instructions of the elders, who do not allow us to allow even for one moment anger to creep into our hearts, watching in every possible way to fall under the punishment pronounced for this in the Gospel: everyone who is angry with his brother is guilty of judgment ( see Matthew 5:22). Moreover, if it were permissible to continue to be angry until the setting of the sun, the passion of anger, taking advantage of this permission, would always hasten to satisfy its vengeance, as if legally, before the sun knows its west.
Why, if we want to achieve that highest divine good, of which it is said: blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God(Matthew 5:8); then not only from our actions we must reject this passion, but also uproot it from the depths of the soul. For it will not be of much use to suppress the fury of anger in word and not reveal it in action, if God, from whom the secrets of the heart are not hidden, will see it in the secrets of the heart. The gospel word commands us to cut out the roots of passions more than their fruits, which, after the uprooting of the roots, will certainly no longer decompose, and the soul will thus receive the opportunity to constantly abide in all patience and holiness, when anger will not only be eliminated from the surface of our activity. and our deeds, but also plucked from the inmost thoughts. And therefore it is necessary to kill anger and hatred, so as not to fall into the sin of homicide, which without them cannot be allowed. For every one be angry with his brother in vain, he is guilty of judgment(Matthew 5:22); And - everyone who hates his brother is a murderer(1 John 3:15). Since in his heart he wishes to die to the one he is angry with; then, although people do not recognize him as having shed blood with my own hand or with a sword, but out of the passion of anger, he is proclaimed a murderer from the Lord, who, not only for the production of an action, but also for the intention of the will, will reward everyone either with a reward or a punishment, as He Himself says through the Prophet: I know their deeds and their thoughts, and I am coming to gather all the nations(Isaiah 66:18). And the Apostle: among themselves with a thought that condemns or answers: on the day when God judges a secret man(Rom. 2, 15-16) ".
“A long-suffering man sees in a vision the cathedrals of holy angels, and the unmemorable man practices spiritual words, accepting the permission of the Mysteries at night.
When a dispute or quarrel between you and your brother peacefully ends on the occasion of some displeasure, consider yourself as having sinned, so that in the silence in your heart you will not find a struggle of thoughts, of which alone, exposing the insignificance of an insult, will reproach that it was not worth stopping. on him, while others, exposing his importance, will inspire regret that he has not been repaid with the same insult.
Who reflects anger from himself with benevolent patience and chagrin with love; he repels two evil beasts, wrathful with two prowess.
Kneeling begging the grieving one to stop the anger immediately removes both from irritation.
Whoever reconciles those who are angry, he conquers the very spirit of anger.
He who, for the sake of peace, endures an angry man, is truly a son of peace.
Do not turn the natural use of anger into unnatural, that is, do not be angry with your brother, becoming like a serpent, and do not associate with evil thoughts, fraternizing with this serpent.
If the matter of love is long-suffering, then to fight with anger against a brother is not a matter of love.
If you have a solid foundation in love, then pay more attention to it than to what offends you.
He who has acquired the virtue of love captivates the passions characteristic of the unkind.
Having from the Holy Trinity these three virtues - faith, hope and love - will be a three-walled city, fortified, like loopholes, by the towers of virtues.
When enduring the greatest slander or grave offense, do not be vindictive, but bless.
The reviled David did not say anything against, but even stopped the vindictiveness of Abishai (see 2 Kings 16:10). And you, being reproached, not only do not repay with reproach, but tame even the one who would begin to avenge you.
Patiently endure reproach and close the door to anger with your lips: this is your progress.
Reply nothing at all to those who threaten, in order to silence the mouth that breathes flame.
Having put a bridle on your jaws, you will inflict the most sensitive pain on your menaces and reproachers.
You, silently, will not be swallowed up by reproach; and your reproacher will be greatly wounded by your silence, seeing how generously you endure his insolence.
“Just as water continuously poured on a fire quenches it completely, so the tears of true weeping usually quench every flame of anger and anger.
As with the appearance of light, darkness is removed, so from the fragrance of humility, all grief and anger disappear.
If there is a limit to extreme meekness - and in the presence of an irritant to be peacefully and lovingly disposed towards him in the heart, then, without a doubt, there is a limit to extreme anger - when someone, being alone with himself, fiercely fights and fights with the one who offended him, showing this words and body movements.
Silence of the mouth is the initial weapon against anger; but it is possible, under the cover of silence, to hide remembrance and malice. And it's worse; it is better to speak out, albeit in anger. Another in anger does not take food - and all the more deepens this passion; and another eats a lot - and this makes him furious; moderate consolation often gave help to quench rage. Therefore, the fight against this passion requires great caution. And she, like a serpent of carnal lust, is assisted by nature.
Sometimes moderate sweet singing successfully disperses irritation; and sometimes, being immeasurable and untimely, it contributes to voluptuousness. Why should this allowance be used wisely, setting both a measure and a time for it.
It is more useful for the angry to live in brotherhood; but it is better for the lustful to go through a silent life as a cure for fornication and foul uncleanness. Those who suffer from this and that disease must put themselves in the hands of their father-leader, so that he sometimes keeps them in silence, and sometimes leads them into feats of cenobitic obedience.
The beginning of blissful gentleness is to patiently endure dishonor, despite the bitterness and pain of the soul; the middle is to keep their hearts sorrowless and carefree during their time; perfection, if it exists, - to impute them to oneself in praise.
I saw three monks suffering dishonor together. One of them felt insulted, but remained silent; the other rejoiced for himself, but grieved for the one who reviled; the third, having imprinted in his mind the harm of his neighbor, shed hot tears for him. Here you can see the workers of fear, recompense and love.
He who tamed anger stopped the birth and remembrance of malice; for childbearing happens only from a living father.
The treatment of anger has a double benefit: firstly, it kills anger and, having killed, it does not make it possible to imprint in the irritable part of the soul and memory the sensual imprints of anger, which again and again, being extracted by demons from a person’s memory, will feed this passion. This is how a spark smolders in an extinct fire, but just inflate it and - if there is combustible material, - the fire flares up again with the same force. To kill anger means to put out the fire, completely fill it with water, and then stir it up to the ground, leaving not a single smoldering particle.
“He who has acquired love has become a stranger to enmity; but he who holds enmity multiplies in himself labors that do not know rest.
If, having worked hard on yourself, you cannot tear this osten out of your heart - go and humble yourself repentantly before the one you are hostile to, even in words; and, being ashamed of your long hypocrisy before him, you will perceive him in your love, being wounded by your conscience for that, as by fire.
Do not then recognize yourself as delivered from this ulcer when you pray for the offender, or reward him with gifts, or invite him to a meal; but when, having heard that he has undergone some mental or bodily misfortune, you will be sick and weep for him as for yourself.
Here is an example of the complete eradication of passion.
“The memory of the sufferings of the Lord Jesus heals the remembrance of malice, greatly ashamed of His mildness.
Some, in order to receive a petition, betray themselves to labor and sweat, but the unforgiving one is ahead of them. For the word is true: if you let go quickly, and it will be generously released to you (see Luke 6:37).
Others cover up slander with love, with a desire to correct. But if you love your neighbor, then do not scold him, but pray for him. This is the only mode of action that is pleasing to the Lord.
Whoever wants to get rid of the spirit of condemnation, let him direct his reproach not at the falling one, but at the demon that is choking him. For no one wants to sin against God, although everyone is free from violence (that is, he sins himself).
One of the shortest ways to receive the remission of sins is not to judge anyone; says: do not judge, and do not judge you(Luke 6:37)" .
“The one who drives away the spirit of anger and irritation is far from war and rebellion, always calm in spirit, cheerful in face, sound in mind - and there is the abode of the Holy Spirit.
Love enlightens mental eyes; but whoever loves enmity and strife is like a man who often puts his hand into the hole of asps.
Don't present the pretext: "This brother is doing harm to the camaraderie." But do not do evil to another, and do not enter into association with those who do evil; because God tests hearts and wombs (see Ps. 7:10).
If there is a quarrel between the brethren, then the first one who repents will receive a crown of victory, but the other one will also be crowned if he does not reject repentance, but willingly does what is necessary for the world.
What destroys the memory of malice? The content in the soul of the fear of God and the memory of the day of death. Remember the latter and stop being hostile (see Sir. 28:6). Remember death and do not be lifted up, for a little more, and you will be brought down to the grave; and what profit will evil deeds bring you?”
The recollection that we might die tomorrow, if a person resorted to it more often, could extinguish more than one quarrel and more than one rancor. Fearing to die in enmity, a person would more quickly seek to avoid rancor.
“Forgive your brother if he has sinned against you, and the Lord will forgive you your sins.
Hurry up to come to the brother who offended you, and repent before him with a pure heart, according to the word of Him Who commanded to forgive the brother’s sins not only up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven(Matthew 18:22).
Do not attack your brother in the day of his sorrow, and do not add new sorrow to his spiritual sorrow.
Do not remember evil against your brother; for it is written: the path of those who remember evil into death (see Proverbs 12:28).
Try to beg the Lord to help you quickly forget the evil.
“Be attentive to yourself so that irascibility, irritability, and memory of malice do not prevail over you, which is why you will lead an anxious and unsettled life. But acquire for yourself generosity, meekness, gentleness, and all that is fitting for Christians, in order to lead a life of peace and serenity.
Have no hatred for anyone in your heart and do not repay evil for evil; but acquire for yourself love, which the Divine Scripture has placed above all virtue; because she likened her to Himself who made all things, saying: God love is(1 John 4:8).
Strive not to be angry, so that you do not get drunk without wine, burdening yourself with the passion of anger.
It is impossible to bring virtue to firmness without diluting it with love (see 1 Cor. 13:2). Without love, we will be far removed from the straight path that leads to the gates of Heaven. Let us shed tears so that we can be freed from the bonds of hatred, envy, pride, and all kinds of devilish filth. It is a demonic business to be offended by the prowess of the prosperous. Hatred has taken root in the demons; it is more desirable for them that they all perish completely. The saints, imitating the Lord, wish all men to be saved and to come to the understanding of the truth (see 1 Tim. 2:4); because, filled with love, they loved their neighbor as themselves.
Be long-suffering, that you may be strong in prudence. Patience is a wonderful gift; it casts out irritability, anger and contempt, and brings the soul into a peaceful state.
When someone will slander you, do not ignite with anger; but immediately with modesty, showing a smile on his face, change irritation into the world. Remember, however, that a smile, when irritated, kindles a greater anger in the other. Why first pacify the heart, then speak with a smile. Fire is not extinguished by fire. And you, with love and complacency, quench the anger of the irritated. If the brother does not understand this, we will try to use other measures - all kinds - to heal him, so that irritation does not completely prevail with him and does not make any of our sacrifices not pleasing to God (see Matt. 5, 23-24). Let us imitate the Lord Savior, who we reproach against the reproachless(1 Pet. 2, 23), and to David, who, in response to Semei's slander, said: leave him to curse like this, as the Lord spoke to him to curse David<...>but the Lord will look upon my humility (see 2 Kings 16:10-12).
May the sun not set in our anger, but let us forgive all debtors and affirm love, because it covers many sins. Whoever has enmity against his brother and thinks to offer something to God, he will be accepted on an equal footing with the one who sacrifices a dog or the price of a harlot. He who has enmity towards his brother and thinks that he loves Christ is a liar and deceives himself.
If you have something against your brother or your brother against you, make peace. If you do not do this, then whatever you bring to God will not be accepted (see Mark 11:25; Matt. 5:23-24). If you fulfill such a command of the Master, then boldly pray to Him, saying: “Forgive me, Master, my debts, as I leave my brother, having fulfilled Your commandment!” And the Lover of mankind will say in response: “If you have left, I leave also; if you have forgiven, I also forgive your debts.
Meekness
A sign of healing from the passion of anger is the instillation in the soul of the virtue of meekness and non-anger.
“Meekness is an immovable disposition of the soul, remaining the same in dishonor and praise.”
“The meekness of a husband is remembered by God (see Ps. 131, 1), and the soul without anger becomes the temple of the Holy Spirit.
Christ bows his head in a long-suffering spirit, and a humble mind becomes the abode of the Holy Trinity.
Prepare yourself to be meek and swearing: meek with people, but swearing with our enemy; for this is the natural use of anger to antagonize the (ancient) serpent.
This is the meekness of the meek, in order to be magnanimous to his brother out of love and to fight with the (angry against him) thought.
The meek one, if he endures something offensive, does not leave love, but for its sake he covers everything, shows mercy and endures everything (see 1 Cor. 13, 4-7).
“The meek one, even if offended, rejoices; if offended, thanks; he tames the angry with love; taking blows, does not hesitate; when they quarrel with him, he is calm; when subjugated, having fun; is not hurt by pride (someone else's), rejoices in humiliation, does not boast of merit, is peaceful with everyone, submissive to superiors, ready for any business, alien to slyness, does not know envy.
“Ignorance is an insatiable desire for dishonor, just as in the vainglorious there is an exorbitant desire for praise. Lack of anger is a victory over nature, acquired by labor and sweat, with insensitivity to insults.
The beginning of angerlessness is the silence of the lips with the indignation of the heart; middle - silence of thoughts with subtle confusion of the soul; and the end - unshakable silence during the breathing of unclean winds.
It is another thing to be without anger in the new beginnings, which comes from repentant weeping, and another thing is the immobility to anger, which happens in the perfect. In the former, anger is bound by tears as if by a kind of bridle, and in the latter, this serpent is slain by the sword of dispassion.”
Basic patristic rules for healing from the passion of anger
1. Remember that for whatever reason the movement of anger flares up, it blinds the eyes of the heart.
2. One should be angry savingly, not sinning, that is, angry at oneself, at incoming bad thoughts, not giving them the opportunity to develop.
3. Don't let anger creep into your heart even for a single moment.
4. Do not look for the cause of your failure in other people and do not justify your impatience, unbridledness and obsession, but repent, cultivate generosity towards everyone and improve in patience.
5. Fight with your angry passion in the community in which you found yourself by the Providence of God (family, neighbors, work team or others), enduring everything, being in your place, killing anger and hatred, until the Lord Himself changes life circumstances.
6. Strive to uproot passion from the soul, trusting in the mercy of God, calling on him: "Lord, deliver me from anger and irritability, grant me meekness, patience and generosity."
7. Seek not your own peace, but the peace of others in the Lord - so you will learn to live peacefully and overcome anger both in yourself and in the enemy.
8. Keep in your soul the fear of God and the memory of the day of death, they destroy the remembrance of malice and extinguish anger.
9. During insults, resort to silence of the mouth, do not answer anything threatening, blame yourself, look for your mistakes and untruths, think about what God wants to teach you through insult, pray for the offender and justify him in every possible way.
10. Practice patience and ask the Lord to grant you meekness and love.
11. Quickly strive to make peace with those whom you have offended or plunged into sorrow, to pacify those who have anger and evil against you,
12. In order not to be angry and not to condemn, turn your attention not to the person, but to the demon that is suffocating him.
Every year, the average city dweller inevitably faces two practical questions:
– How to attend worship services if working hours are not reduced during fasting?
– How to fast if, while spending the whole day at work, you eat what catering offers?
Cleric of the Church of the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God Priest Igor Fomin, cleric of the Jerusalem Compound in Moscow, rector of the church-chapel in honor of the icon of the Mother of God "The Burning Bush" under the Ministry of Emergency Situations, Archpriest Mikhail Krutin, cleric of the Church of St. Nicholas in Kuznetsy, priest, tell about fasting for working people Andrei Bliznyuk and cleric of the Khabarovsk diocese, Hieromonk Nikanor (Lepeshev).
Priest Igor Fomin: Everyone has their own measure
Fasting for a working person is a special time, as for any other. There are no unemployed people - someone works in the public service, someone in private companies, someone at home. And everyone has their own measure of fasting. As the ancient fathers abstained in the Egyptian deserts, it is probably impossible to fast now. No one goes fast, eating three beans a day, just as, according to the life, St. Zosima ate during Great Lent. But in no case should one alienate oneself from the body of the entire Church during this period.
Everyone should refrain to the extent that not only dragging their feet, but also doing something. One confessor said that if a person dies from fasting, then this is a sin of suicide. Therefore, you can highlight for yourself: yes, I can’t do this post without sunflower oil, but I can do without unnecessary chatter at work, without TV, without condemnation or participation in some other unworthy events. I will cut myself off from the entertainment part of the internet. Maybe I will give myself a task to read some specific books ...
The post is important not only in . The inner state is also important.
As for attending worship services, I remember Soviet time when it was really difficult to combine work and church services for the reasons that the employer (that is, the state) “chased” and monitored the believers in every possible way in order to somehow infringe on them in their church life. But believers sometimes even took vacations to attend services.
It all depends on what you're looking for: are you looking for a means of attending worship, or reasons not to attend? Everyone will determine.
But even if, for some reason, you, having a desire to visit the temple, do not get into it, now there is a lot of literature with which you can make up for the missed service. After all, this is also very important: you thoughtfully, slowly, stand up for prayer yourself, infringe yourself somewhere - and read it.
Worship is one of the means of communion with God, but it is not the only one. Moreover, I believe that sometimes, if necessary, it is necessary to replace the church service with helping someone. You have to get up, refuse to visit the temple - and go help another person.
So my advice is to seek the means of communion with God soberly. Let it be a divine service or a fast, and in everything you must observe your measure. So that we cultivate temperance in ourselves, refusing small things, and the Lord could entrust us with more.
Archpriest Mikhail Krutin: Spiritual fasting is more difficult than bodily fasting
You need to make efforts, correlating them with your capabilities, in order to combine attending worship services with your work obediences. The same applies to food - you need to limit yourself as much as possible. Each of us must feel that now is a special period of spiritual renewal, and each will have his own measure. We need to remember what it says: not only our stomach fasts, but all five senses.
It is most important. Of course, not everyone can build their life in such a way that one hundred percent fulfill this rule. Only the monks of antiquity left the monastery after the rite of forgiveness, secluded themselves in order to try to fulfill such ascetic requirements as much as possible. But we, living in the world, cannot do this. We must correlate our possibilities with the requirements of Tradition. Orthodox fasting should not be confused with diet. If you can’t fast bodily, try to fast spiritually: don’t judge anyone, don’t get irritated, don’t get angry, don’t look at something vulgar that you could afford before, don’t hear anything superfluous, retire a little…
Priest Andrei Bliznyuk: The tradition of relaxing fasting is ancient
In general, the Charter, speaking of fasting, does not distinguish between a working person or a non-working person. Therefore, such issues are usually resolved with a confessor, a priest who knows his spiritual child well and can advise something individually. A lot of people work and strictly fast: they do not eat fish, meat, or milk. But there are those for whom it is difficult to observe this, especially for those suffering from stomach diseases or other ailments. Then you need to take the blessing of the confessor to ease the fast.
In general, the tradition of relaxing fasting is an ancient one. Back in where, on the whole, they adhere to very strict rules, laborers (young guys who worked at the monastery, but were not yet monks) were allowed to eat fish during fasting. Because they did hard work, and they were given such a blessing.
But also (in especially individual cases) for meat. But at least to some extent, even the most infirm and extremely busy person in the labors needs to fast. After all, fasting consists not only in gastronomic restrictions, but also in a certain behavior, the rejection of entertainment. For example, if a person cannot fast strictly, let him give up the TV. This is already a fasting measure. There should be such an approach… spiritual. It would be good for each person to approach the priest to whom he confesses and ask questions that concern him.
After all, we know in advance that, for example, in the first week of Lent it will be read. It usually starts at the temple hours at 6 pm. Therefore, Orthodox people with their superiors try to agree in advance, offer work on other days, or simply ask for leave. Everyone is trying to do everything to be released, because this Canon gives amazing help and is very beautiful in itself. In general, everything here is also very individual. For example, in our Orthodox gymnasium we are canceling classes so that children can go to church these days. And some people may not have that option. Walking and dissembling is also bad.
Hieromonk Nikanor (Lepeshev): Do not lose heart and do not fall into despair
Fasting should be observed in such a way that fasting does not affect performance. General principle, which can be read in many holy fathers: fasting and any other bodily exploits should leave room for prayer and needlework. In this case, such needlework is work.
Therefore, one should start fasting, for example, having weighed everything, having judged, having consulted with a priest, with one of the church people who have been fasting for a long time and know firsthand what fasting is - and find a measure for yourself that will allow, on the one hand, and observe fasting, and, on the other hand, not to strain one's strength, to avoid extremes. The same goes for other posts.
If the problem of a working person is that there is nowhere to find lean food at work, then you can cook something at home and take it with you. If there is no such possibility, it means that from what is offered at catering points, choose the least modest.
Of course, we must first of all remember that the main thing is an internal fast, consisting in abstaining from sin, passions, lusts, from bad deeds, words, thoughts, feelings, and external fasting is an auxiliary means. The impossibility to fully observe this latter can be compensated for by paying more attention to inner fasting, to spiritual sobriety.
As for worship, one should try to attend it as soon as such an opportunity is provided. If it is not there, then you can fill the gap by reading at home in whole or in part, depending on time and effort, some services during other posts. Now it is quite easy to purchase a follow-up of fasting services in bookstores or online stores.
As a last resort, if the circumstances for prayer are difficult both at home and at work, you can read on the road, sitting in a subway or train car. It will still be better than nothing - of course, if we do not have to stand, push, jump from bus to bus, but we can concentrate in transport, immerse ourselves in ourselves.
And in order to concentrate on prayer, you need to constantly force yourself to pay attention: they scattered - they gathered again.
In general, it would be good, before you start to pray, to practice what is called “God-thinking”: reflections on the topics of eternity, our sinfulness before God, the subsequent Judgment, the economy of God, the creation of the world, the atoning sacrifice of the Savior help here; reading the Scriptures and the Holy Fathers helps. Through such reflection, prayer will be more attentive.
But all the same, scattering is inevitable - there is no such person who would not experience this state. It must be taken for granted, not to lose heart, not to give up, not to fall into despair from the inability to ideally tune in to fasting and prayer. It must be understood that scattering is the general state of our fallen nature, our mind damaged by sin. You just need to constantly return, immerse your mind in the words of prayer, in the memory of God.
About household chores . Everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. The husband provides for the family, and the wife should be the keeper of the house.
- Should a husband help his wife with household chores?
- I would formulate differently: can a husband help his wife with household chores? Maybe. But you can't say "should". After all, what is debt? This is a duty. And we have already said that everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. The husband provides for the family, and the wife should be the keeper of the house.
That is, household chores mostly still lie on her shoulders. And you can’t force your husband to constantly wash the floors, you can’t do laundry. I know that husbands do it themselves with pleasure if they see that it is difficult for their wife. But when they are forced, it is very sad for them, everything inside resists, because this is not their duty. Some women boast: "My husband washes, cooks, cleans...". It must be understood that when the wife begins to gradually gain authority and power in the family and the husband is relegated to secondary roles, this is the path to the disintegration of the family. Should be the authority of the husband and father. It is very important. In the same way as for a husband there should be the authority of God. Therefore, in the performance of household duties, you can ask your husband for help, but you can not order. You can accept help, but you can't legitimize it.
- Which of the spouses more lies the upbringing of children?
- In the Orthodox tradition, a wife should still be a household person, raise children. This is a great job - to run a house, a household, and a woman usually did just that. Due to poverty, when the husband was unable to feed his family, his wife had to work. But even if a wife has a higher salary than her husband, she should forget it. Traditionally, the whole way of family life emphasized the authority of the husband, father. He sat in the main place at the table and until he took a spoon, no one started dinner. And now mommy is carrying a plate to her son, first to her daughter, then she will remember about dad. Little things, but they are destructive. They exalt children, children cease to obey their parents, the authority of adults is lost. The art of family life is the art of wisdom. humble wisdom. If dad is resting, everyone should tiptoe. If it's hard for mom, dad should say: "Come on, kids, we'll help." You need to see this, you need to notice each other, love, respect, live by caring for each other. And when you see only yourself, your fatigue, your desires, then you begin to feel sorry only for yourself.
- But what if a woman still has to take on the duties of the head?
- Do not take! It is a sin when a husband gives his wife power in the family, and exactly the same sin when she takes it. They give you, but you don't take: "No, dear, you are the head of the family." It is not necessary to say this, but by way of life, by attitude, emphasize the dominant role of men.
- How not to take? The family will be poor. Could it be?
- Maybe. The trouble is that we are trying to live in comparison with others. And you have to be content with what you have. The wife feeds the family, but you don’t need to take power. Her husband is unemployed, he cannot earn money, but he should still be put in first place, maintain a respectful attitude, show that he is the head of the family. Power is not in who brings more money, but in the hierarchy before God.
- It happens that a female leader does not emphasize her leadership position in the family, and the husband still experiences this painfully.
- Emphasizes, unfortunately. She thinks that she does not emphasize. The internal state is very inertial. When a person comes from a job where he was a leader, it can be difficult to switch to family life. This happens when we begin to treat work as the main thing in life, but after all, work is obedience and there is nothing to be especially proud of. There is intra-family obedience, and there is social obedience. And everyone should be treated responsibly, but not made into a cult. Unfortunately, the novices among us are bad. That's the whole point.
About quarrels. We must understand that a loved one shows weakness. And try not to give him a reason.
- Why do they say: "Lovely swear - only amuse themselves"? So - This is not dangerous?
- They do not swear, but they scold, that is, they grumble. They could have quarreled, but they humbled themselves to the point that they only grumble. They managed to extinguish the fire of irritability, quarrels within themselves, when a conflict could arise. But when they swear, they no longer amuse themselves. And from the world they squeeze each other. When a person extinguishes the fire in himself, it gives consolation and joy that it was possible not to bring the matter to a conflict. Then they cheer, of course.
About the usual disagreements between spouses, the elder said:
"Spouses must have the same confessor. For two pieces of wood to fit perfectly to each other, they need to be scolded one plane." And another time he said:"Spouses must have a confessor, because without an arbiter there is no competition."From books by priest Dionysius Tatsis "Archondarik under the open sky", M., 1998.
- What to do if a husband or wife begins to ridicule the weaknesses of a spouse in public, to say sharp, unpleasant things?
- The holy fathers say that not a word should be told to anyone about internal family problems. Not only to mock each other, but you don’t even need to share with anyone. If you reveal the secrets of family life to other people, you give power over your family life. But not all people are decent. In no case should you boast, rejoice, or share your sorrows. This is an inner, very mysterious life, it must be protected. A person can show weakness in the family, but it was in the family that he showed it, he hoped that his loved ones would understand him. He, perhaps, in another situation would not have shown it, but here he could not restrain himself, he showed his weakness, but not because he takes revenge on his loved ones, but because he believes them. A husband opens his soul to his wife, because he trusts, just as a priest is trusted in confession, and when a secret is violated, this is very close to the disclosure of a confession. It is sad when they begin to mock each other, tell secrets, humiliate. This speaks of the depravity of the person who allows himself to do this, of the lack of wisdom.
- What is the second person to do in such a situation?
- Try to reason with your spouse and endure. And try not to give him a reason to ridicule.
So, I say this to you and to everyone: never seek to correct one another with anger, for temptation does not eliminate temptation, but with humility and sincere love. If you see that anger is ahead, postpone correction for a while. And when you see that anger has passed, and peace has come, and dispassionate reasoning works, then speak useful.
My beloved sister, rejoice in the Lord. Today I received your letter full of love and reverence. And, raising his hands, with a warm soul and ardent love, with the secret voices of my humble heart, he prayed to the Lord: “Hear,” I say, “sweet Love, Jesus is my Savior, Light above all light, from the beginningless Father of the Parent, Knowledge and Truth, my Hope and Consolation, my Fortress and Strength, my Love and Enlightenment, hear and send to my sister the light of Your Divine consolation, and break the bolts and locks of her dark and sick soul, and with the illumination of Your radiance console her heart so that her sorrows and constant waves of temptations will decrease. Hey, my sweet Christ, Light,enlightening the womb and heart, soul and body, nerves and bones, mind and mind, and every part of our village, hear me praying for my sister, grieving and exhausted.
This and much more, my love for you are true signs, I proclaim to my Lord. Because I do not forget, remembering you, about your many and countless torments since childhood. And because of them, I love you even more. And of all my loved ones, I give you the most love, for my firstborn of your love are.
One thing I ask you to do for me, in return for such my love for you, is to add a little patience. And I believe in Jesus, who loved us, that He will fulfill all your requests with an increase. And you will find peace of mind, and peace, and everything that is for the benefit of our poor soul, the Lord will give you. You only ask with tears that, as the Lord knows, His holy will, and not yours, be done.
Did you once know that you had sinned against the Lord? Do not add more ulcers to the wound. And if, as a person, you fall again, do not lose heart, do not despair of yourself. For how will not the philanthropic Lord forgive us when He told Peter to forgive the guilty seventy times seven a day?
Let your husband do what he wants. Say that you gave it to alms, and what you should have given to another, do not give it there. Don't do another good deed to another, that's enough. Leave your own will to find peace of mind. For the will of man has become a wall of brass that hinders him
enlightenment from God and the world.
Look at the example of sweet Jesus, Who became obedient to His Beginningless Father until death on the cross. He gave over his body to scourging, his cheeks to beatings, and he did not turn his face away from spitting. You see, my sister, what kind of love the compassionate Lord has shown us! So, let us also leave our own will, let us leave those who are guilty before us. And then with boldness we will say: "And leave usour debts, as we leave our debtors."
For we are all people, born of dust, and we all sin. We are clay, and we have no knowledge. Clay steals from clay. Clay offends clay. Clay slanders clay. Clay rises above clay. Clay enriches clay. Clay rules over clay. Clay beats clay. Clay imprisons clay. And in general, clay before clay imagines itself wiser, stronger, richer, nobler, more honest, enriched by madness and ignorance of its own nature: where and where did it end up, how he was born, what is his purpose, where does it end, what after that.
So, all this was swallowed up by oblivion and ignorance, and a chaos of insensitivity arose, therefore, those who have not repented, we mourn here and in another life. And therefore, he who sees better and who is a little more enlightened should forgive and sympathize with his unanimous and unanimous neighbor brother.
Ah, my child! A person is never completely bad. He has both good and bad. So, remembering his good things, you wish him well, you empathize, your soul hurts and you ask God for him. And it is not he who is to blame for the bad, but our enemy the devil. From the book of Elder Joseph of Athos "Statement of monastic experience", Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1998.
- Is it possible to understand "complete freedom" in marriage as an opportunity for spouses to have separate extra-family interests, their own companies? How do you generally relate to friends of a husband or wife who have survived from the time of a bachelor's life and have not become friends of the family?
- In family life, it does not mean that the spouses should look at each other, they should look together in the same direction. This is the essence of family life. Common interests, common grace - that's what unites. Therefore, we must learn to sacrifice something for the sake of love, for the sake of the family. If you cannot give up a small thing for the sake of your spouse, for the sake of your children, then this is very disturbing. When a person does not want to change anything in his life and gives complete freedom to himself and others - this is not the way to strengthen the family. These are her games.
Sacrifice does not mean that a person does not have freedom in the family. Obedience is what ensures the preservation of freedom.
- When it seems to a wife that her husband does not love her, that he is not attentive to her, how to make her husband be more attentive?
- Love is sacrifice towards the family. It is possible not to utter words about love, but to live in such a way that it is obvious to everyone how spouses love, take care of each other. And when verbal confirmations are required, this is already a game, an element of envy that we do not like people. But we really are different.
Of course you want attention. The wife is pleased when flowers are brought, but the husband is also pleased when the table is set. It is necessary to please each other with trifles. But we are reluctant to do so. We have already become callous, earning our daily bread, and we don’t think that what makes a family happy is not what you dressed, shod everyone from head to toe ... These little things make a family happy. Not everyone knows how to arrange such small holidays for each other. Here it is necessary to reconcile, understanding that "he is like that with me" or "she is like that with me." Other spouses are attentive, but ours have other virtues. You should always see advantages in each other. And everyone has flaws.
Domestic war happens for sins.
Whence the source of sin, hence the scourge of punishment. David brought a strange lamb into his house, killing its shepherd, and the lamb from his own house began to gore his shepherd; he brought war into another's house, and out of his own house war rose up against him. His son rebelled against David for killing Uriah and taking his wife.
And now many are waging war in their homes: one meets war from his wife, another is besieged by his son, another suffers trouble from his brother, another from a servant - and each is tormented, annoyed, fights, causes war and is struck by war; but no one thinks, reasoning in himself, that if he had not sowed sins, then thorns and thistles would not have grown in his house, if he had not planted sinful sparks, then his house would not have ignited. And that calamities are the fruits of sins, and that God appoints his family as the executors of punishment for the sinner, this is evidenced by Divine Scripture, which is not more reliable. A woman is at war with you, at your entrance she meets you like a wild beast, she sharpens her tongue like a sword? It is sad that a helper has become an adversary; but examine yourself to see if you were plotting something against some woman in your youth, and behold, an insult to a woman is avenged by a woman, and your own wife heals another's wound. Although the acting one does not know this, but the doctor knows - God. And that an evil wife is a scourge for sin, Divine Scripture testifies to this; it says that an evil wife is given to a sinful husband (Sir. 26:3, 9). And that attacks from children are also punishments for sins, David is a witness, persecuted by his son Absalom for lawless intercourse. And that brothers are at enmity against brothers also for sins, the Book of Judges testifies to that. When your brothers attack you, do not complain about them so much as look at yourself and carefully investigate for what sins the brothers have become your enemies.
But what am I talking about domestic calamities, if our very body, which is closest and dearest to us, is sometimes at enmity against us when we sin, taking revenge on us with fevers and other illnesses and sufferings, if the servile body punishes the ruling soul when it sins, not because it wants to, but because it is commanded to do so. About ittestifies Christ, Who said to the healed paralytic: "Behold, thou art healthy: no one sin, let it not be worse for thee" (John 5:14). So, having learned, brethren, that wars are from domestic, relatives and slaves, and bodily diseases are mostly for sins, let us destroy the source of evils - sin.
"Even in the saints of our father John, Archbishop Constantine of the city, Chrysostom's chosen works. Collection of teachings in two volumes", Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1993.
- What if the husband is cruel?
- In one of the Orthodox books, I read a story that a husband often came home drunk and beat his wife. Beat-beat... And the wife all humbled herself. He ended up beating her so badly that she died. And when they brought her to the cemetery, buried her in the grave, he, standing in front of the cross, realized what he had done. I cried and did not leave this grave for several years. Then he completely changed his life. It turns out that his wife saved him with her humility. With her humility, she pulled him out of the depths of sin and received the crown of martyrdom herself. This, of course, is a very high feat.
It must be understood that, nevertheless, the fire should not be extinguished with gasoline or kerosene. Can't be annoying. And it turns out that the husband flares up, and the wife adds even more fuel to the fire. You need to force yourself to be patient, to put up with it, because evil has one peculiarity: it requires nourishment. A person, when irritated, wants to piss others off, to infect others with his anger. If a bully hits a person, he waits to be hit back. And it starts to fight with good reason. If he said a swear word, he expects the same in return. And if he doesn't, he doesn't know what to do next. We need to learn how to put out this fire. And extinguishes humility, patience. Then, when everything calms down, you can say, but not in irritation. And pray for the softening of evil hearts before the "Seven-shooter" the icon of the Mother of God, saints who are the patrons of family life; if the husband suffers from the vice of drunkenness - to the martyr Boniface, the Mother of God before Her icon "Inexhaustible Chalice".
And, of course, you need to be reasonable when you get married. A person does not become an alcoholic for no reason, does not become cruel. If you see such manifestations and still go down the aisle, you must understand what kind of cross you are taking on. And if you already take it, then endure it, bear it, humble yourself. You've made your choice.
- How to bring an unbelieving spouse into the Church, how to plant the seeds of faith in his heart? And what if he is against his wife praying, going to church, observing fasting?
- When, in the process of family life, one of the spouses becomes a believer, he often changes his life too abruptly and begins to pester everyone in the house, forgetting that he himself has been going to this life for many years. Therefore, you need to give your loved ones some time to go through this path. We should not force, teach, we ourselves should live this pure life, so that those close to us are convinced: with faith I become better - kinder, more patient, more hardworking. It is impossible to force to believe and love. And seeing our life, and relatives will wish to imitate us. This - the only way family conversion to faith. And, of course, we need to pray that the Lord will bring our loved ones to faith. Everything should be done with love, with respect, with respect for the freedom of everyone in the family.
- What to do if one of the spouses is wrong and does not intend to admit it, but insists that it be as he wants?
- The wise give in. You can give in for a while to extinguish the conflict. As they say, the morning is wiser than the evening. Evil crumbles from time to time, but good endures, because it is based on eternity.
- Often they are afraid that others will take compliance for weakness.
- It is necessary to yield gracefully. When an adult yields to a child, this is not perceived as weakness. You need to understand that you can give in not out of weakness, but out of wisdom.
- How to get along with the annoying shortcomings of the spouse?
- You need to get along with yourself, fight with your shortcomings. Since someone's shortcomings irritate me, then I need to be treated. Irritability, incontinence - this is my sin. I must repent of this, call on the church sacraments for help. If you carefully monitor your inner state, then you will find the same shortcomings that are so annoying in others in yourself.
- You can generally say what all the problems in the family are from?
- Because of the lack of humility, all problems. We all do not want to humble ourselves: husbands before God, wives before their husbands, children before their parents. As soon as everyone gets in their place, all the problems in the family will begin to disappear.
There is also a desire to compare family life with the lives of other families when envy arises. On the one hand, we understand that God gave us individuality, originality, that we are not alike and our families are not alike, but for some reason we want to live like everyone else. And it is impossible to live like everyone else, because we are all different. God gave someone more well-being, someone less, and you need to come to terms with these circumstances, learn to rejoice in the fact thatThere is. If a person thanks and rejoices in what he has, he is always rich. I saw people who have huge material wealth, with the psychology of beggars. They cry all the time, they miss it all the time. And there are those who can give their last, like the gospel widow who put in two mites, and at the same time live with dignity. Giving thanks for everything is the way to wealth, because wealth is the ability to agree with the circumstances of your life and the ability to live within your means. We sometimes envy and do not even suspect that as soon as a family becomes prosperous, it most often breaks up. They lived in poverty - in peace, in love, suddenly everything changed, the husband is already embarrassed by his wife, changes her, changes his family. There are few people who can adequately pass the test of power and money.
Therefore, the Lord gives to those who can. And when people themselves try to take what they want, it often turns to their detriment.
When I was sick, I was upset with the children that they did not help me. I come to my father and ask: how to be?
When you get tired, then cross yourself and say: "I do it for the sake of Christ," and Christ will help you.
So I started doing it. My grievances disappeared, and there was no fatigue. As soon as I feel that I am annoyed, I ask before father's card
Father, help me, I'm getting irritated again. I come to him, he speaks:
Here you keep writing to me: "I'm annoyed, help me" (but I didn't write). - In my father's hand is the icon of the Mother of God "Burning Bush", he gives it to me and says: "She helps not only from the fire of the house, but also from the fire of the soul. Pray to Her."
I began to pray to the Mother of God in front of this icon. I felt at ease, I stopped getting annoyed.
We had a fight with my daughter. And at that time, my father had one of our children. Sending her home, he gave us the perfume "Rose" and speaks:
N. and G. have a flash there. Wow! - And with his hands showed how. - Let them perfume themselves with these perfumes, and tell G. not to do that again.
After the second outbreak, father sends us rose oil. I seriously drew attention to my temper and began to restrain myself, I didn’t even show an angry look to my daughter, remembering the father’s words: “Humble yourself before the children, because you rule over them.”
My father told me to read the akathist to the Mother of God, but he did not say which one. By lot, I began to read the Akathist to the Mother of God of Akhtyrka, the icon of which I received from him as the first blessing.
And my daughter began to change. After a while she confessed to me:
If you, mother, acted rudely to me, you would lose me forever.
Seeing how they suffer from the sin of irritability, anger, the father said: “Some people have such anger, such irritability, as the waves beat, rise, make noise on the sea. But if we are scolded, it’s not so scary, if only we didn’t "were not angry ourselves. Imagine how hard it is for an angry person, because he has hell in his soul. You need to pity him, pray for him."
My husband and I lived together, but there was no peace and quiet in the house. I did not yield to my husband, and he, in turn, proved his case, and so it went on for a long time.
Finally, I got tired of all this, and I decided to behave differently. My husband will say an offensive word to me, I feel that I am starting to get annoyed - I take the Psalter and start reading. The husband makes a little noise, then shuts up. And so, little by little, peace and tranquility settled in our house.
I came to the temple, my father was passing by, he stopped beside me and said: “I wish it were like this long ago!”.
Father Savva advised: “If you have hostility towards someone, try to break, defeat yourself. Pray like this: “Save, Lord, Thy servant (name), and with his holy prayers have mercy on me, a sinner, and die my heart.” Force yourself show attention to an unloved person, try to serve him. And the Lord, seeing your good intention, will tear hostility out of your heart and fill it with holy love. Prayers and deeds of a person are in vain if he harbors malice in his heart against his neighbor. The Lord does not forgive such sins on confession". And he also said: “When you feel that anger has taken possession of you, say to yourself: “Lord, have mercy,” and then five times, inhale: “Lord,” exhale: “have mercy.” And the anger will pass, peace and silence will come .
From the book "Biography of the Elder Schemagumen Savva. With love in the Lord, your D.O.S.", M., 1998.
- If family relationships for a long time they were built incorrectly, but one of the spouses or both of them received their sight, saw that everyone in the family turned upside down, how to change the usual, already established way of life? Where to begin?
- Need to pray. And the Lord will arrange. When you begin to humble yourself before the providential will of God, Who sometimes allows trials in order to save a person's soul, this is the beginning of salvation.
Last week, the annual theological conference ended at St. Tikhon University, and next year the university will celebrate its 20th anniversary. What has changed in the life of the country's main secular theological university, we asked its rector, Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov.
Prot. Vladimir Vorobyov:
Much has changed at the University in nineteen years. We now have our own premises, our own hostel, many new teachers have come. Among them there are a large number of our own graduates. They love the University, they know it and root for it with all their hearts. It is very important that more than 60 teachers are priests. Communication with them is great importance for students. The number of faculties has increased. Faculties of Applied Mathematics and Informatics, Social Sciences and even the Department of Tourism appeared.Among the students of St. Tikhon's University there are many people who came from the periphery of our country to receive a theological education in Moscow. They cannot find an appropriate educational institution in their home country. Previously, the University had eighteen points distance learning in different dioceses of the country and in the near abroad. At first, the Ministry of Education encouraged such forms of work, but then suddenly complicated the requirements, and since it was impossible for us to arrange branches according to all these new rules, the network of branches had to be closed. To replace the branches, the university developed a distance learning system. We made faculty additional education, where our teachers conduct classes on the Internet, give lectures, conduct seminars, check written work, and take exams.
The students of this faculty are called "listeners". They, as a rule, already have higher education, and wish to receive additional knowledge in the field of theology. This approach allows you to develop and vary the forms of learning. E-learning has proven to be even more effective than branch-based education if the student takes the necessary diligence. At the Faculty of Additional Education, more than five hundred people are now studying by distance learning, one might say, without leaving home. For comparison, only 353 people graduated from St. Tikhon's Theological University this year in full-time and part-time education.
Forms of distance learning in the form of webinars have great potential. They are successfully used at the Faculty of Social Sciences of the University, spreading various methods social work countrywide. The closure of branches was compensated to a large extent by the simultaneous opening of departments of Theology in many universities of the country. Specialists of St. Tikhon University have developed a multi-confessional state standard in Theology, now the third generation. new standard Theological education was approved by the Ministry, and with the help of St. Tikhon's University, theological departments began to open in many universities, mostly in state universities.
The expansion of activities is inevitably associated with problems. The main one, of course, is financial and lack of space. We cannot open another hostel, which means we cannot accept more students. This year, 561 people entered the University. This is a hundred people less than last year, but almost the same as in 2006 (then 541 people entered). These figures should not be taken as a real decline in the number of applicants. Also in 2010, we eliminated 100 people in the very first session. The jump in 2010 is associated with the introduction of the USE in schools.
The first generation of our students consisted of very serious people. They were almost all from our own parishes. Many of them already have higher education. It was very easy with them. Now there are many more students. The young people who are now coming often have insufficient training, moreover, many students have to be introduced into church life at the same time as they study. They sometimes lack basic literacy, and it can be quite difficult to cope with these problems.
The arrival of poorly prepared, sometimes unchurched applicants, led the admissions committee to abandon the requirement of a "recommendation of a confessor" or "characteristics from the parish." It turned out that not everyone can get such characteristics, because not everyone goes to the temple. And if they nevertheless reached the temple, then they are often given characteristics without even knowing them. These features are of little value. So we stopped asking for them. Of course, if someone brings a recommendation from a bishop or confessor, we will be grateful, but this is no longer an indispensable condition. At the same time, St. Tikhon's University maintains strict order in the life and behavior of students, in particular, in the dormitory. Only a combination of pastoral, teacher's love with rigor can bring good results in the education and upbringing of students. A university cannot exist without scientific work. But its main goal is still education and upbringing.
