Why is there no relationship with anyone? Why don't relationships work with men? Different value systems
Knowing when to quit and when to move on is the key to emotional survival.
Until we are 200% sure that the relationship is over, we continue to believe in it. This is understandable, because in a few years (or months) we become so attached to a person, we can say “grow into” him, that it is very painful to part. It is clear that you are trying to save the relationship: there is always hope that they will change for the better.
Not everyone has the guts to end a relationship the moment it really ends. Here are 21 signs that "finita la comedy" if it has not yet arrived, then it is already very, very close. If at least four points out of all you say: “This is about us,” think about parting more seriously than usual.
1. Resentment
You are constantly offended by your partner, but do not say anything. You think that this is how you save your relationship, but in fact you only delay that unpleasant moment when all the accumulated negativity breaks out and your relationship ends in a painful break.
Resentment does not go anywhere, especially if the factors that cause it do not disappear. If it does not splash out, then it accumulates inside, and this causes stress and illness. And, of course, destroys relationships - slowly but surely.
2. Disrespect
If you and your partner have reached the point where you show mutual disrespect, it's time to destroy your illusions. There is nothing easier than to stop being attached to someone who shows you disrespect.
People can continue to live together without respect and awareness of the value of each other, which leads to absolute indifference about the needs and desires of a partner. Well, what kind of continuation can we talk about?
3. Contempt
It doesn’t matter what motives caused contempt, whether it was a failed one, a change in appearance or something else. Partners should support each other in any situation, because isn't this warmth we need so much under any circumstances, and especially during some personal problems.
If you started to treat each other with contempt, you no longer get warmth from relationships and you live not with a friend who understands, but with a cold creature who condemns you, why continue this?
4. Lies
I'm talking about that lie when you tell a person, "I love you," without experiencing any feelings. You are afraid of hurting him, but you are not really protecting him, but only making it worse. The truth will come out: you cannot lie all your life and at the same time not spoil it for yourself and your partner.
Well, if you say to yourself: “We are happy, I am happy, everything is fine with us”, when you feel that everything has already ended for you, this is also an escape from reality.
5. Distrust
If you do not trust your partner, then there are reasons for this. If they are so serious that trust cannot be restored, why stay with this person? All my life to check, worry and waste my nerves?
6. Swearing in public
Everything good that you can say about your partner can be said in public. And all the bad things are better left for personal conversations. To scold a person in public means to achieve only a negative response or a hidden resentment.
In addition, if you scold your partner in public or even just allow yourself unpleasant jokes about him, it means that dissatisfaction is growing inside, which has already begun to spill out.
7. Distance
You have already severed the emotional connection with your partner and thus gently let him know that it's over. Maybe it's better to do it right away, and not to produce suffering and doubts?
8. Demanding evidence of love
“If you love me, you…” It is very tempting to manage a person’s life in this way, and if you periodically hear this phrase, then something has gone wrong.
The only person who can change his feelings is himself, and some of your actions have nothing to do with it.
Well, if you yourself say so, think about whether you really need this person, will he become loved if he does something? And is it possible to manipulate those who really?
9. Public humiliation
If your partner has humiliated you in society once, he will most likely do it again and again. And it does not matter that he drank a lot that evening or he was in a bad mood.
Public humiliation of a partner only speaks of deep self-hatred, and no matter how much love you give to this person, it will not fix the situation without his strong desire to change and work with his self-esteem. And this is difficult not only to correct, but even to admit.
10. Obsession with another person
If your partner is obsessed with another person - whether he is friends with him or hopes for a closer relationship - sooner or later this will lead to a break.
Of course, this does not mean that partners should completely immerse themselves in each other and give all their energy to only one person, but obsession with someone else is fraught with suspicion, jealousy and resentment.
Yes, the partner is clearly missing something in your relationship if he is so drawn to another person, but you can hardly give him this. And certainly you should not change yourself for the sake of another person.
11. Obsession with pornography
There is nothing weird or wrong with partners watching porn together. Some kind of voyeurism helps to get turned on and find something new to try later in bed with a partner.
But if one of the partners is obsessed with pornography, complete satisfaction will always elude him: in pursuit of the Grail of the multiple, he may end up on the path of sexual perversion.
So, if you are not satisfied with such alignments, think about the root cause of this obsession, and about the possible consequences.
12. Emotional infidelity
Some people think that monogamy is the only possible variant relationships, for others it is difficult and almost impossible.
If you changed for a change sexual experience, the relationship can still be saved, but if there is an emotional attachment to the person with whom you had an intimate relationship, it's time to end the relationship.
The first question people ask when they find out about their partner's infidelity is: "Do you love him/her?" Because it is the emotional, and not the physical connection, that is the core of the relationship, and if it is gone, then you have nothing more to do here.
13. Inability to end the conflict
It starts as an endless struggle without reaching a consensus, which gradually develops into "as you wish", when the partners no longer care about the results of their struggle.
There is a rule: never go to bed offended by each other. And there is definitely something in it.
If none of the partners can pacify their pride and desire to always be the winner in the dispute, cannot agree to a truce without achieving their goal, these relations have no continuation.
14. Subconscious
If you unconsciously do things that harm your relationship, it is your psyche that tells you what you really need.
You can think whatever you want, but your actions speak of real desires better than all your assurances and hopes.
15. Obsession
If your partner has an obsession with, for example, alcohol or substances, he/she is a shopaholic, gambler, workaholic, or obsessed with sex, you will always end up in second or even fifth place and not get the emotional connection you want.
If you don't have an obsession with something, your partner's addiction can ruin not only his life, but yours as well. Not a very pleasant prospect.
16. Painful attachment to an ex
If your partner is still more than close with an ex-passionate or husband/wife, it's ruining the relationship.
Former partners need to be respected, especially if you have common children, but the first role is still assigned to the current partner. If this does not happen, it is easy to feel secondary and unnecessary, and this is a direct path to a breakup.
17. Threats and emotional blackmail
This is a clear sign. Emotional blackmail is often presented as strong love, but it's actually a control. And control, in turn, is an abuse of feelings. You have to run as far away from it as you can see.
18. Constant comparison and ratings
Does your partner compare you to others who are prettier, earn more, smarter, and more interesting than you? This is one form of humiliation. If someone thinks that the grass is greener in someone else's yard, let him go there.
Humans are unique creatures, although they are similar in many ways. You shouldn't compare yourself, let alone listen to it from your partner.
19. Indifference
Why stay together if you don't care about each other?
20. Disappearance of attachment
There's nothing wrong with wanting a roommate, but if you want more from a relationship, don't stay with a partner who isn't your one and only. Don't just stay because it's convenient for you.
21. Physical abuse
There are no excuses, no explanations, circumstances and promises do not matter. You just have to leave.
In general, conflicts in a relationship are a way to get rid of pain, but their causes may vary. It can be a way to open the boil of dissatisfaction and resentment that has arisen in a relationship in order to clean out the wound, remove what is in the way, and save the relationship.
But it also happens differently, when conflicts are a way to break off relationships, to inform the other person that they are over, that it is no longer worth tormenting each other.
And it is better to learn to distinguish one conflict from another, otherwise it will be painful and bad for both partners.
The world is dual: there is a feminine and a masculine principle in it, which exist in direct interaction with each other. Man is a paired creature. In pairs, we go through our earthly experience, create families, give birth to children, jointly achieve our goals, fulfill our destiny. Through paired relationships, people learn about themselves and their nature. Most people want to meet their soul mate and live with her in love and harmony. But not everyone succeeds in creating such pairs. Or these couples are created, but exist for a short amount of time, and then break up.
Why is this happening? Why can't some people have any relationships? Why do others have all relationships destroyed? There are a number of reasons for this.
1. Investment in the future.
People who create a family often invest their plans and feelings in the future. The birth of children, the purchase of a joint apartment or house, the creation of a joint business, a joint sex life, love, care, attention, respect.
The first to leave is the one who stops investing, or he already got what he wanted. For example, a woman gave birth to a child, got what she wanted and no longer sees this man next to her. Either she was disappointed and stopped investing her feelings in this person, cooled off towards him and is looking for another object for investment.
2. Strategies for building relationships.
There are many strategies for building partnerships in a person. Everyone has their own. Among the most famous: building triangles, avoidance addiction, revenge for betrayal in a previous relationship, and others. These strategies can be rooted in various traumatic situations. It is important to begin to realize yourself and why you do this to other people, what is really happening to you and why you are doing it.
3. Fears.
The countless number of fears that are in a person prevents him from going into a serious relationship. Fear of being abandoned, betrayed again, fear of being hurt again, fear of having a baby, fear of failure, etc. Fear is a serious limiter that prevents you from moving forward.
4. Trauma.
Psychological traumas received earlier are one of the main reasons why it is not possible to create strong and harmonious relationships. Injuries can be very different: violence, threat of death, loss of a partner, betrayal and others. If the injury is not healed, it haunts the person and reminds him of himself through various situations until he takes notice of her and heals her. And sometimes we meet such partners who hurt us in order to draw our attention to this trauma. And only by healing it, we will be ready for a healthy relationship.
5. Incomplete previous partnerships.
In order to start a new relationship, you need to completely end the old one. It happens when we were very strongly emotionally attached to a partner, invested in him a lot of our feelings, love, joint plans, in other words, our whole soul. And after the relationship ended, a part of this soul remained there, next to him. And he still occupies this place next to you. And in order to start a new relationship and let another person into your life, you need to return that part of the soul that you left there with that person.
6. Beliefs.
He does not match me, my man should be tall, handsome and wealthy. That's what my mom taught me. In the end, I'm looking for it, and all the others do not fit. And when he appears, it turns out that this daffodil makes my life unbearable. There are countless beliefs in people's heads that prevent them from building harmonious relationships. Very often, these are the beliefs of our parents and the environment in which we live, which have already become ours, but at the same time prevent us from building our own harmonious relationships.
7. Projections.
We see in a person not himself, but someone else in him. We impose our image on him and do not perceive him for who he really is. As a result, when this veil falls, disappointment sets in.
8. Secondary benefits.
Why is it beneficial for you not to have a stable and strong relationship? Or why is it beneficial for you not to have a relationship at all? Ask yourself these questions and you will get unexpected answers. It is often secondary benefits that drive our actions. We are not aware of them, but at the same time we are subject to their influence.
9. Did not agree on the characters.
What is really behind the typical phrase “didn’t get along” that is said when people disperse? In each of us there are certain archetypes that control our behavior, as well as psychotypes that set certain patterns of our behavior and character traits. This is how we interact with other people. They are often not compatible with other psychotypes of those people with whom we converge. Understanding yourself and the other, as well as the desire to build relationships, helps in cultivating relationships. When people do not work on themselves and on building relationships in a couple, then the result of this passive behavior is only one: “they didn’t get along.” I am who I am and he is who he is. And together we are not compatible.
10. Destructive personality traits.
There are a lot of qualities in a person that not only do not contribute to relationships, but also kill them. Among them, one can list: selfishness, egocentrism, narcissism, tyranny, greed, and others. Being close to such a person often becomes difficult, and sometimes unbearable.
11. Different value systems.
It often happens that people with very different value systems converge, they seem to be from different planets, they are different in themselves, they have different tastes and different interests. What is valuable to one is not valuable to another. However, for some reason they were attracted to each other, and over time they begin to move away from each other due to these differences. In a relationship, it's important to appreciate what the other person does for you. And devaluation leads to a breakdown in relationships.
12. The growth of one is ahead of the growth of the other.
When one begins to develop spiritually, and the other does not, when one goes uphill career, and the second froze in place, when one grows as a person, and the second does not develop. This may be the reason that these people can no longer stay together. They drift apart and eventually separate.
13. Models of relations of their parents.
Very often we consciously or unconsciously create a model of our family in the image and likeness of the model of relationships of our parents. And it’s good if our parents lived together all their lives in love and harmony, but if they constantly quarreled, did not respect each other and eventually separated, then we often build the same models.
14. Generic scenarios.
Our genes encoded information about all the events that took place in our family along the line of mother and father. And sometimes we live not our own life, but someone's unhappy fate of one of our ancestors. In this case, we are talking about family interweaving. And in order to start living your own life, and not the life of members of our family, you need to share your destinies. Systemic family constellations help in this.
15. Violation of the "give-take" balance.
The give-and-take balance is one of the fundamental laws that operates in relationships and family systems. In order for a relationship to be strong, it must be in balance. Unfortunately, in couples, these balances are very often violated. It happens when one person gives attention, care, love to another, tries, puts his whole soul into him, but does not receive anything in return. At the same time, his partner is focused only on himself, on his own pleasures and does not give as much to the relationship as his half. This imbalance cannot last long, and relationships can deteriorate over time if left uncorrected.
16. Fate.
Destiny contracts are one of the common reasons why people pair up. But unfortunately, as soon as they work out, they disperse.
17. Extraneous influence.
Damage, love spell, lapel and other magical effects. How many people have appeared now who are engaged in these dirty things that irrevocably destroy relationships. Alas, this is unfortunately the reality.
As a result of all these reasons, partners lose feelings, attraction, love for each other. There is no longer that emotional connection between them that connected them before, and people go into new relationships in order to get new emotions and new experiences.
What can help?
1. Work on yourself.
“I am the way I am and I am not going to change myself” is a direct path to destruction. You need to work on yourself, learn from relationships and from what destroyed them.
2. Work on pair relationships.
Relationships need to be built. However, both people must build them. There is safety in numbers. And only when both partners build and overcome joint difficulties, only then these relations turn out to be harmonious.
3. Prayers, appeal to higher powers.
Man does not live alone in this world. There is an invisible world that helps him when he turns to him. I know cases when people begged for a meeting with their soulmate. And having received it, over time, these relationships were destroyed, due to the reasons described above. Therefore, please contact Higher powers but know why. They are helping. But when you refuse such gifts of Fate, then Fate then turns away from you. So be careful with prayers if you are not ready to build a serious relationship yourself.
DO YOU LIKE THE MATERIAL? SUBSCRIBE TO OUR EMAIL NEWSLETTER:
We will send you a digest of the most interesting materials of our site by email.
You hope that everything is definitely serious with the new guy, but the relationship ends as soon as you have time to get used to him? Are you tired of going on dates and want to spend your evenings watching your favorite series together? Are you worried that you are unlikely to get married, because long-term relationships with no one work out? Then this article will help you!
So why don't you add up serious relationship with men?
1. You pick the wrong guys.
You step on your favorite rake again and again, choosing guys who do not want to be with you or do not want a serious relationship. You are in vain hoping to fall in love with someone who needs only rare (or frequent) meetings in bed. You put a lot of effort into remaking a man who does not want to burden himself with unnecessary obligations. And then, when you realize that you are at a dead end, you again take the starting position - and go the beaten path: to a new guy who is also not eager to get into your networks.
How to solve a problem? First, don't let yourself be fooled: if a guy says he wants a serious relationship with you, but everything he does says otherwise, then he's just lying to you. And secondly, don’t be deceived yourself: when you want to build a family with a man who openly admits that you shouldn’t expect all this, just humble yourself and don’t try to prove to him that he wants the opposite.
2. You are overly critical of your boyfriends.
You dreamed up the image of your one and only so vividly that you can hardly restrain yourself when you find a flaw in the new guy. Then another one is added to it, then another and another, and you realize that your current boyfriend is not at all the one with whom you are destined to live happily ever after ... And really, how can you be with someone who does not remove the crumbs from the table, bites his nails or has no sense of style? Over time, you become more and more picky, and even a small minus is perceived by you as a terrible catastrophe that ruins your joint future.
How to solve a problem? Remember that you are also imperfect and your chosen one has to put up with your eccentricities and not-so-nice habits and character traits. So why be so picky? In addition, Mr. Perfection, which you invented for yourself and are now diligently looking for in every passing man, probably does not exist.
3. You are always proactive.
You don't wait for him to ask you out, buy flowers, or compliment him. You are in a hurry to call him yourself and say where you are going tomorrow, point your finger at the bouquet you like and ask for good words about your hair and dress. You are so unable to restrain yourself in the proactive game that you are the first to start talking about feelings, weave plans for a joint future into conversations, and are also ready to offer him to move in together or even formalize a relationship - what if he takes too long with all this and you have to wait from his first steps for ages?
How to solve a problem? This approach frightens men: they like to act as a hunter themselves, and not feel like a hunted game. Therefore, with this approach, you will only be able to build a long-term relationship with an extremely modest and spineless sissy. But you don't need one, do you? Then endure the desire to decide everything in your pair - let the man take the initiative.
4. You are afraid to be alone...
So much so that you please him in everything. You change your daily routine and habits to please him, you do whatever he wants, as if he were a real sheikh and the last man in the world, who - oh miracle, oh happiness! - can make you happy by living together and spending time (and in the future, maybe even marriage!). You do not ask him to wash the dishes, clean up the scattered things, and do not even stutter that he is doing something wrong, because your claims may upset him. You do not say that he offends you in any way, submit all proposals for discussion carefully, being afraid to anger your one and only, fearing that after a word you carelessly said, he may go in search of a more accommodating and prudent female.
How to solve a problem? It's simple - you need to become a girl that you want to conquer, that you want to protect. And for this you will have to love yourself again and understand that if a man does not want to perceive you as you are, then you are not interesting to him. And no obsequiousness will become the seed that will give rise to reciprocal feelings for you in him. She can only be boring.
5. You are not ready for them.
Or maybe you're just not ready for a serious relationship? Have you been offended by some man whom you cannot forget and in spite of whom you are trying to be not alone by hook or by crook? Or are you satisfied with the non-binding format of relationships, but the opinion of relatives and friends that “it’s time to start a family” makes you laboriously look for “I don’t know who” in the crowd?
How to solve a problem? Listen to yourself - and stop listening to strangers. And if you realize that you don’t really need a serious relationship right now, do not deny yourself the pleasure of being alone - then every day will become much happier. And your man will certainly be found - without pandering relatives and friends and any tricks on your part. Simply because one day you must meet each other.
