Who wants a man if he doesn't let go. Why does a man not want a relationship and does not let go. Using the girl for personal gain

This is such a weirdness inherent in the stronger sex. And who said that women's logic is a joke? And what about the masculine - "I myself will not talk, and I will not give to another"? Agree, this behavior is no less amusing. At least from the outside it seems so.

Although women who have connections with such types are clearly not laughing. Showing indifference on the one hand and unwillingness to let go on the other hand, the partner "condemns" the lady to a suspended state. Moreover, he often suffers from this himself - he feels guilty for his behavior and at the same time realizes the inability to take responsibility and break off the relationship.

One of the most common explanations for a man not letting go or holding is ... confusion. It would seem that it is a completely feminine problem, but, alas, a representative of the stronger half can also get lost in his own feelings. Anything can happen in life, and sexual contact, which later turns into a love story, and which a person, perhaps, did not want, could contribute anything:

• Furnishing (holiday romance).
• Excessive initiative of the lady.
• Accident (under the influence of alcohol, stress, etc.).

If a person has a clear position about his family, then, most likely, the relationship will not continue. Accordingly, no one will be hurt. But this rarely happens, since the bulk of men are very susceptible to temptations. Wives and children fade into the background, and the mistress becomes the main object of adoration. And after a month or two, a person can suddenly see clearly and even fall into a shock from what he is doing. It is here that the situation "I got confused" occurs - he STILL cannot give up his wife, and can no longer refuse his mistress.

The reasons why the chosen one does not let go and does not hold. In addition to confusion in men, there may be several other reasons that provoke this behavior:

• Habit. The person is so comfortable. He is selfish by nature and not self-confident. The fact that your own comfort is superior to the feelings of both partners is beyond doubt. The mistress turns out to be only an option for sex, which is humiliating and regrettable.

Advice for your sweetheart: Do not be humiliated, you deserve real happiness and, above all, respect. This connection does not make sense. You are simply wasting a segment of your life.

• Inferiority complex. Perhaps the girl is too soft, forgives her beloved everything, vows to wait for him all her life, etc. Impunity makes a man arrogant and overly confident in his dignity. A mistress can even hear incorrect statements in her address. Why? Because he has a bunch of complexes about his own importance and usefulness. And to take them out, one spouse is not enough.

• Owner. Often in a love triangle, none of the parties (except for the faithful, of course) does not know about the presence of each other. And God forbid that the secret was revealed, and the Casanova had to make a choice. Because he is by nature an owner, a man deprived of honesty and upbringing. His goal is to keep both passions by hook or by crook. Moreover, in the most shameless way: impracticable promises, sincere conversations, complaints, vows, etc. The chosen ones, as a rule, believe and wait. So, their life passes in anticipation ...

What to do passion: wait or take the initiative into their own hands?

What is the attitude to this type of male half? What if he seems to love, but makes you doubt?

Understand the palette of feelings first. If there is love or strong affection between you, then it is worth saving the relationship. But it is imperative to find out whether the chosen one himself feels the need for them? Or will they continue on the initiative of the partner? Sound reasoning, as well as your intuition, will help suggest the correct answer.

There are thousands of examples when a couple went through a similar stage and finally reunited - the partner made a choice in favor of a new beloved.

Of course, not without sad (for mistresses) statistics. Often a one-sided initiative does not lead to anything good - the couple breaks up, he returns to the family, or finds a new hobby. Therefore, when making a decision, weigh everything. First of all, collect your thoughts and ask yourself how you feel about this person - do you confuse love with wounded pride or wounded pride? Or maybe it's just an addiction and you need to heal yourself, and then make claims to another? Draw conclusions based on honest answers to these questions.

Some psychologists also advise you to find out what psychological benefits you get from such communication. If there are reasons and if they are strong enough, then a woman just needs to realize this with a sound mind. After realizing, she can decide to stay with the person, only the experiences will no longer be so painful.

Also, a love relationship is compared to a chess game - first the move of one, then the second. The rules are set before the game. Whoever started it first leads the party. So, when a relationship is initiated by a strong half, a woman often agrees, as a result of which she then suffers. When an attempt is made to change the rules and establish their own, it turns out to be impossible - it is not profitable for a man.

Advice: If you cannot change the rules, approach the situation drastically - change your partner. But first, consider what will be less painful for you - stay or quit. In doubtful situations, take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your novel, and then make a decision.

Time to put all points on i

How to put an end to if the lover does not hold and does not let go? When a lover promises to choose between you and his wife, but does not, you need to understand that he will never fulfill the promise. Therefore, there is no respect for your feelings here. The lover is sure that you will not get away from him, because you love so that you can endure everything. And if not, you just need to hint that he will find a replacement and you will submit again. Is not it?

It also happens that a person continues to communicate with his mistress (by phone), but constantly postpones meetings. Most likely, there has been another (that is, a third) here for a long time, and he just keeps you in reserve. This attitude is even more humiliating.

Therefore, do not wait for him to trample you into the mud so that you will no longer respect yourself. Take action! The decision to break up should be made by you, not he. And let the “beloved” know that you are not his property, that you are a person who has dignity and pride. But be careful - often the stronger sex, sensing something wrong, begins to be active. Outraged that HIS property has decided to become an independent person, or worse, to have a new boyfriend, a loved one can immediately rush in and tell stories about how he was bored. Do not flatter yourself. If you give up, he will turn on the old tactics, and you will wait another six months for a meeting.

Remember - it is better to put a full stop first. And it is better to put it on forever, otherwise the lover will torment you until you grow old and become useless to anyone. Of course, a man does not take the last place in a lady's life, but humiliation cannot be tolerated just because you are afraid to be left alone.

Appreciate, respect, love, but only first of all yourself, and therefore already your beloved.

If a chill has arisen in a relationship, so it becomes obvious that a man does not want a relationship, he does not hold a woman, but does not let go, it is worth finding out why this is happening. This position does not allow two people to be happy - none of the partners is satisfied, which means that the situation needs to be changed. "Popularly about health" will tell why a man does not let go, why he does not want to finally put an end to the relationship.

Indecision

Because of their upbringing, some men find themselves indecisive and unable to make decisions. This often happens when a boy was brought up in an incomplete family where there was no father, or he was, but did not show masculine qualities, did not set a worthy example for his son. Such guys grow up indecisive, they are unable to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. They are used to the fact that others decide everything for them - mothers, wives, work colleagues.

In this case, there are two options for eliminating the problem - to leave the henpecked or stay with him, waiting for him to finally decide and, taking all his will into a fist, will voice his decision.

Negative qualities in a companion

A man does not hold, but does not let go of a woman if he loves her, but some of her qualities still alar the gentleman. Perhaps he continues to bide his time to understand whether the girl can change or whether he can close his eyes to her bad character traits. We can say that he gives her time to improve. If the situation does not change, and the partner's patience runs out, a break in relations is possible, and the guy will become the initiator.

In this case, a conversation will help. If the girl herself knows about her shortcomings, then she could work on herself so that there is no reason for her beloved to be dissatisfied. If she genuinely doesn't understand what's going on, why not ask directly what is holding your relationship back. After listening to the boyfriend, you should take into account his fears and claims and try to change.

Fear of being alone

It also happens that a man clearly sees that this relationship does not bode well, they are meaningless, but he is afraid to break off the relationship because of the fear of loneliness.

Such phobias occur in people with low self-esteem or those who were deprived of the attention of their parents in childhood. Such guys will pull to the last, until they meet another girl who will replace the first.

In this case, none of the partners will be happy; it is better to end the protracted situation by offering to leave.

Typical womanizer

A typical womanizer who has several girls does not let go, but also does not hold a woman. He doesn't really need one of them, but with one - great sex, the other takes on household chores, and the third spoils with gifts.

Each is good in its own way. And the womanizer does not keep anyone, because he always has many options in his arsenal, he has nothing to lose, but he also does not intend to scatter women.

The importance of women in a man's life

There are those types of guys who do not care at all who is next to them, and whether there is a companion at all. They are passionate about something “more important,” like a career. They are only interested in a girl or a spouse in terms of sex, for relaxation and satisfaction of their needs, and also as a housekeeper. Why leave when everything suits - she cooks, washes, cleans, satisfies natural needs. But the man will not hold her either, if the lady wants to leave, he will find another. Such men are too narcissistic and self-confident.

Using the girl for personal gain

If a man does not hold, but also does not let go, the reason may be that he still needs this lady for something. For example, one of the requirements of large companies is that an employee holding a serious position must be married.

Also, aged gentlemen do not let a girl go when they want to show acquaintances and friends that they are still popular with women. If the boyfriend does not have his own income, he gladly uses what his passion earns. There can be many reasons.

If a girl suspects a selfish motive in a relationship, then it is best to initiate a break on her own, so as not to allow her boyfriend to use herself.

Typical Pierrot

There is this type of men - sufferers, victims. They will not decide to break up, but will wait for the companion to show the initiative, so that after that they will be tormented by mental anguish. Probably, these guys have had "sad" stories before, which the current lover knows about. Young people with similar psychological problems are unlikely to be able to make someone happy, they subconsciously find the wrong pair, after which they are abandoned and revel in their role of victim.

If the relationship does not bring happiness and is close to breaking up, but the man does not put an end to it, but does not keep it, in each case it is useful to talk. In the course of the conversation, a lot will become clear, then it will become clear how to proceed further. If the partner is looking closely or is taking time for the partner to change, then there is a chance to improve the relationship. In other cases, it is better to put an end to it.

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Svetlana, age: 36 / 15.10.2018

Feedback:

Good afternoon, Svetlana, you seem to be completely dependent on what your husband wants, but you do not make decisions yourself. To stop believing, you need to analyze the facts (not paying attention to emotions), how many times has a person deceived you? I say this because I myself went through the same swing of decision-making, he also comes with a ring and flowers, he hung huge posters with my photo on the fence, left wonderful letters on the car and spoke a bunch of beautiful words, but his actions were about something completely different. I am very sorry that I didn’t make the decision right away, but held out all this until the moment when I was beaten and I was taken to the hospital with a concussion. And even after that there were beautiful words and the belief that everything would change, only I already had my firm decision based on his actions, and not on promises. Do not repeat my mistakes, do not waste time, energy. Learn to be happy yourself without him. And if you want to give him a chance, then put your conditions on him. If he needs a family, he must prove it in order to return the balance, which has gone into a minus from his deception. For example, leaving a second girlfriend, living alone, but not with you, taking care of children, etc. You might think to convince you that he has changed. Until you see confirmation, it's best not to count on it.

Alena Muza, age: 45 / 16.10.2018

Svetlana!
Your husband's behavior is disgusting.
The man, as they say, revealed himself. Now you have seen it from the side that was previously hidden from you. You like? Would you go to intelligence with such? Would you rely on a man who rushes about like a chicken around the yard, unable to choose between a wife and a mistress?
Suppose he chooses you. How will you live next? You will remember all this bargaining, all these departures and arrivals, how you were thrown out and changed like a thing, compared with another. You will be filled with hatred, even if the person stays with you.
So now I would recommend that you pull yourself together and DON'T LET to treat yourself like that.
And, you know, you're already on your way to that.
The "I" will awaken in you, self-respect will awaken - and you will give a turn from the gate.
And then another life will begin: you will grow, and your prancing husband will decrease. And one day you will realize that you have become different and with this person you are not on your way. And thank God and the circumstances that you are free and your principles are high, and no one else will wipe their feet on you.
And believe me, it will draw attention to you. But already completely different people. People who will respect, appreciate and love you.

Alexey, age: 39 / 17.10.2018

Good morning! I would like to ask for your help and advice. My husband arrives tomorrow and tearfully asks for permission to come to us in the evening. How should I behave? The children miss him very much, so I don't want to forbid them from meeting. And I just started to calm down and come to my senses. A bunch of different feelings inside from anger and resentment, to a terrible desire to see him. In my heart I still believe that he will change his mind and understand that we are the meaning of his life.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 23.10.2018

Svetlana, you have probably already solved the question yourself.
And it is right.
Everything is individual.
In my opinion, a quick rapprochement is the worst option.
Keep your distance and report that YOU DIDN'T make this distance.
After that, I would just watch for six months.
If a person just has a temporary craving for you, this will quickly pass and the husband will leave again.
If this is something else, you will understand.
Stop being an easily accessible alternate airfield.

Alexey, age: 39 / 26.10.2018

Thank you, you are right. There is no need to be a fallback and give him the energy he comes for. It will only destroy me. I need to think about myself and my children. They need a mother and an example of the right relationship between a man and a woman. It's time for us to leave his life!

Svetlana, age: 36 / 27.10.2018

Svetlana, be aware that you are not accepting a husband, but someone else's man. Of course, he leaves - he's a stranger. And the key with which he opens your door is children. Daughter 3 years old, son 1 year old? Sorry for the harshness, but children begin to seriously ask about their father when they are 4-5 years old.
You just want him to come back and deceive yourself and others by hiding behind the children. Have you read your story, have you been with him since the age of 15? Did you get married at 25? And until then they lived together, without parting for a minute? Did he respect you then or was he just using you? No matter how bitter it is to realize it, he continues to do what he is used to and what suited him and suits him. My advice is to start with your soul. Go to church and repent for cohabitation. Maybe then it will be easier to keep the distance.
Considering that you gave birth to children at 35 and 33 (a bit late, if you lived from 15, it makes you think), it seems that he has already fulfilled his function for you and at a deep level you have already pushed him away, and addiction does not give you finally part.

Pella, age: 57 / 10.28.2018

Good evening. I disagree about children. Yes, the one-year-old son doesn't ask. But my daughter all the time asks questions about dad, and I see that she misses him very much, all the time she tries to justify his absence by the fact that he has a lot of work, and as soon as he does everything, he will immediately come to her. She wakes up at night and walks around the apartment looking for him. Sits on a chair in front of the front door and waits for him. And this despite any explanations, neither mine, nor grandparents, nor even a child psychologist. She doesn’t seem to hear that he doesn’t live with us, but thinks that he has gone to work and will be back soon. And do you think that this means not waiting?
About marriage and relationships. At the very beginning of our relationship, we agreed that we would get married after we graduate from college, get a job and be able to support ourselves without sitting on the neck of our parents.
Before marriage, we did not live together, but spent all our free and non-free time together, breathed with each other, supported. With children, everything is more difficult, right after the wedding I became pregnant, but I could not bear the child due to health problems. During the long term of pregnancy, we lost a child. The husband was very upset about this loss. After a series of operations, the last of which was in 2012, a very long-awaited daughter appeared in 2014. My husband was happy, our relationship became hundreds of times better, although it seemed that it could not be better. At the end of 2016, we decided on a second child. I got pregnant quickly enough, the first trimester was good, and from the second, serious health problems started again, my husband was very worried. Well, apparently I found a "worthy" comforter ((((

Darling Pella! I kind of wrote that, and why, but your review catches me. There is something in him that I did not even think about, maybe, indeed, I have already let him go deep in my soul, but I am tormented by attachment, habit, disappointed hopes and unfulfilled plans.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 28.10.2018

Svetlana, good afternoon!
Your attitude is encouraging.
You know what to do and you have prioritized pretty quickly.
This means that you do not sit and do not waste time, but have already begun to rebuild on new rails.
Alas, they leave our lives. Often revealing their unsightly essence.
And it is a blessing that you can also leave and distance yourself from the opening horror.
And understand yourself better.
Pain is pain of growing. Transition to a new stage of development.
I really sympathize with you and fully understand.
I went through the gap myself.

Alexey, age: 39 / 30.10.2018

Sveta, if you are attracted by my review, it means that I have touched on something really important. You go to a child psychologist - that's right. But 3 years old is too early for questions about the father. Probably, the daughter "feels you". Asks in your words. You need to pull yourself together, then it will be easier for your daughter. Otherwise, your pain will accompany her until she realizes it and separates it. I am very glad that you did not live together. A worthy path, the more offensive it is to meet what is now. But you have nothing to reproach yourself with.

About the big break between the wedding and the birth of children - that's something like I assumed. Again, you have nothing to blame yourself for.
And about the "clinging" of my review ... You understood his ugliness and let go of the mind. With a cold mind. Your body has received what a woman needs - children. Therefore, I write that at a deep level you let him go. The heart remains. Emotional attachment. You write - believe and wait. To wait is hope. There is nothing to wait for, everything has come. But with faith ... Spiritual attachment ... It is impossible to believe in a person, to give everything to him. Because he may be weak, and you also need to take care not only of him, but also of your soul. consult with the priest, maybe go to the monastery. A trip to Diveevo at one time helped me. And the words - save yourself and that's enough for you. When you think about your soul, what does it want, then true liberation will come. Just ask her honestly and listen carefully to her answer.

Pella, age: 57 / 30.10.2018

Svetlana, I've read about your daughter, how she puts a chair in front of the door, and waits, and I'm sorry for her, almost to tears. When I got divorced, my daughter was only a little over three years old. In the beginning, I saw her / took her to me at least 2 times a week. But despite this constancy, all the same, of course, she was very worried.
There were questions, and tears, requests like "Dad, please try to live with Mom again," etc.

I think that given her father's behavior, it is especially important for you to strengthen yourself. After all, it really reads all your anxiety, all your anxiety. Out of love for your daughter - try.
I understand that you go to a child psychologist with her irregularly, but were once or twice. Yes, even regularly - if there is no inner confidence at home, faith in the future that everything will be fine - where will the child find it?
Why do you go to psychologists whom BM gives you? Find psychologists who work in the spirit of the site perezhit.ru, or an Orthodox psychologist. Or just read perezhit.ru, there are ZSL courses: http://shkola.realove.ru/

Andrey, age: 39 / 10/30/2018

Andrei, no, my daughter and I go to a child psychologist once a week since March (as soon as her father began to behave inappropriately). And I was not with those psychologists whom my ex-husband advises, but with others. At first I started going to one, but he quickly realized where I was going and met her. I found the second psychologist through friends. She is a very good clinical psychologist, but as soon as I went to her twice, he showed up there for the third session. I understand that a calm and happy mother is happy and calm children. I work on myself and on my attitude to the situation, but from time to time it appears in our life, and completely unsettles me. I would like to completely distance myself and feel the calmness and joy that he is not in our life, but so far I am not very good at it. We came up with small holidays with children and arrange them for ourselves 3 times a week, we try not to depend on him. We are a family: me and my children. We lived honestly, did not betray anyone or deceive anyone. I understand all this. But when he appears, plays with children, my heart is torn to pieces, I want everything to be as before, before the appearance of a "fairy" in our life.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 31.10.2018

Svetlana, it's good that you see a child psychologist. But, nevertheless, it is very important for you to deal with yourself. Children really feel the experiences of their parents. So it's like on an airplane - I put on an oxygen mask first for myself, then for the child.
I don't understand what kind of psychologists they are, and how it fits with ethics - meetings with the ex-husband of their client.
Look for a good psychologist who will not allow himself to be influenced. There is a correspondence school of love - online - as an option: http://shkola.realove.ru/ And a forum: http://www.nelubit.ru/
You say that he won't let you go. But this, Svetlana, is a delusion. So say people who do not know how to rule over themselves, over their feelings, desires, hopes. Like, the other / the other does not let go.
Yes, your ex-husband's behavior makes your task more difficult. But if a person (i.e. you) wants to move away, close the door - he can do it. For some reason you don't want to.

Andrey, age: 39/03/2018

Andrey, good evening! Thank you, the male view of the situation is very important to me. I really want to step back, I do a lot for this. But at times such melancholy covers, thoughts appear that everything may still be good, and my ex-husband will change his mind. This is especially exacerbated when he begins to go to the children every day and tell them that he will soon stop working so much and will spend more time with us, which he loves me and the children very much. And then it disappears again. I struggle with these thoughts. I think I already have a little progress. I don’t write, and I don’t call him, I didn’t do this before (after the whole situation was revealed), I blocked him on social networks. If he calls, I only talk to him on business. If he starts to transfer the conversation to how he loves me and how wrong he is, I stop the conversation and hang up. I try to spend more time with children. I am still very unstable emotionally, but I understand that he is now telling me what I want to hear. And actions, alas, speak of something else. I am learning to take a sober look at him and his actions. I can handle it, I will recover, my children and I will be the happiest, because we have each other. These difficulties are temporary. My pain is no longer so strong, but it still burns me from the inside and there are times when I want to “howl at the moon”. I read a lot of information on the site and realized that at least a year is needed to recover and go through all the stages of the crisis. It seems to me that I have practically passed the stage of denial.

Svetlana, age: 36/03/2018

Dear Svetlana. Time will pass, not a little, not quickly, and you will be able to breathe deeply. How long will it take is up to you. This pain, separation, loss must be experienced. It depends on this whether your children will be happy, whether you will be happy. Now my daughter is bored, and after years, seeing her bouncing dad and her mother in tears, she will say, "why, for what." Seeing an unhappy mother will hurt her more than now. The future of your children is in your hands. By accepting it back, you show that you can live this way. But life is one, and you can't live like that. Listen to Alexei and Alexander, their masculine gaze, and the pain they have experienced will help you. Reread the advice of women who feel you with all their hearts. And this one, no longer yours, does not even think about the condition of your daughter. A little more of such torture, you and your son will begin to take to a psychologist, if the strength and money remain. And he, a moral ... egoist, and his madam, will go away to rest. Strength to you and your family. God bless you.

Luchik, age: 39/10/11/2018

Previous request Next request

Often women are faced with the fact that a man does not love them, and at the same time does not let go, forcing them to suffer again and again. In such a situation, it is important to understand the psychology of the stronger sex, because the partner may have many reasons for such selfishness.

The man does not let go: the reasons for a difficult situation

Why a man doesn't let go if he doesn't love is a difficult question, because the situation in each pair is essentially unique. Most often we are talking about the elementary instinct of the owner. The representative of the stronger sex is used to having a faithful girlfriend, ready for many sacrifices for the sake of his attention. It is difficult for a man to refuse such a relationship, because he likes to feel his unemotional superiority over one that is not able to resist feelings. What other reasons most often force the representative of the stronger sex to be next to the unloved?

The situation in which a man does not have deep feelings for his partner, but cannot let her go, is familiar to many women. Sometimes both partners become so confused that they no longer understand why their relationship has developed this way.

More often than not, it can be a simple habit or fear of being alone. In such cases, a man will sooner or later leave a lady who has ceased to cause a rapid heartbeat for the sake of new feelings and emotions.

The correct behavior of a woman if a man does not love her

The realization that the second half no longer experiences deep feelings comes to a woman gradually. Guesses and grievances merge, and the harsh truth comes to the surface. In such situations, a woman can act as follows:

• try to restore relationships, revive the feelings of the beloved for himself;
• break off all contacts and try to start a new relationship;
• show the same selfishness, and continue to build a relationship without feelings for your partner.

Whichever option a woman chooses, the first thing she should do is talk to a man. An ordinary conversation sometimes helps to dot the "i's" and understand why such a controversial situation has arisen. Many men are afraid of frank conversations, but the topic should be brought up until the partner talks about their emotions.

1. The duration of the relationship, because the longer the partners are together, the more difficult it is for them to part forever.
2. The depth of your own feelings towards a man.
3. The presence or absence of a common company of friends, children and property.
4. The partner's behavior and his current attitude towards the woman.

If a man does not let go of his partner, this does not mean at all that deep down he is experiencing something for her. For several years, many ladies have been teasing themselves with empty hopes, expecting that the situation is about to change. If a man does not have feelings, then it will be very difficult to develop them, and this will require a lot of effort. You can work on such a relationship where only one person loves, either if you have very deep feelings, or in the case of a long relationship and the presence of a third member in them - a child.

If a man shows aggression, raises his hand against a woman, cheats on her every day, turning out to be generous with insults, there is no need to grab onto this relationship to the last. The sooner a woman begins to respect herself, the sooner this tragic story of non-mutual love will come to an end.

Another situation that is found everywhere is the need for a shake-up. Some men come to the conclusion that they are bored with a stable and strong relationship. However, as soon as the offended woman leaves their life, the representatives of the stronger sex understand that they have missed. Sometimes breaking up is the only thing that can help in a situation.

Can a man love?

Lack of feelings is a natural phenomenon, because even the first beauty can face the fact that the chosen one is indifferent to her. In such a situation, only one question arises: can a man ever fall in love. Psychologists believe that in such a controversial situation, the likelihood of tender feelings is extremely small. If a man uses a woman for his own purposes, if he considers relationships as a habit, then one should not wait for the kindling of vivid feelings. Such a person will remain cold no matter what.

However, if a man does not let a woman go, but sometimes shows tenderness to her, then there is still a chance to save the relationship. A woman can only make every effort to resolve the problem situation as soon as possible. She needs to constantly emphasize her external attractiveness, show care and tenderness towards a man, try to fill the joint pastime with pleasant memories. In this case, sincere feelings can arise over time.

A situation in which a man does not let go, but at the same time does not love, is not uncommon. At the heart of such a personal tragedy is the fact that, while fighting for feelings for this partner, a woman may miss a sincere and fulfilling relationship. Psychologists advise to boldly break off relations with those who behave selfishly, aggressively and dishonestly. However, as long as one of the partners is in love, the relationship has a chance to recover.

Olesya, Taganrog

Men do not immediately see in a companion their wife and mother of future children. And there are no complaints about this - this is absolutely normal. But what if the relationship has become more than romantic and froze in place? After all, according to the logic of things, the couple should step to a new level. It should, but something is stopping her. Or rather, not something, but a companion that begins to behave like a "dog in the manger." The woman is in limbo, and quite reasonable thoughts begin to dominate her: why does a man not want a serious relationship? Why does he keep his distance, but does not strive to let go? How to behave and do you need to do something? Male psychology is very interesting, sit down, girls, we will understand this topic.

The most common reasons why a man doesn't want a serious relationship

Many women think that banal fear is the reason for abandoning a serious relationship. It's a delusion. There are many more pitfalls. There are so many of them that even the man himself does not know all his fears.

So, what are the reasons for not wanting to develop a serious relationship:

1. Unsuccessful life examples. If a man has an unsuccessful relationship in the family, or friends are oppressed by marital status every day, this leaves its mark. The guy sees that taking a big step leads to frustration and depression. Then why do you need this step if you are already fine together?
2. Habit. This is the option when the man is sure that you will always be there. He is comfortable, he is used to your food, meetings, conversations. You are reliable, cheerful, faithful, what else do you need to be happy?
3. Immaturity. Young guys rarely want to start a serious relationship, so when you start dating them, don't flatter yourself too much. Why would he? Parents give material benefits, friends give comfort and fun, you give everything else. Nobody owes anything to anyone, life is beautiful.
4. Side pressure. This is usually done by relatives or unlucky comrades. "You are still young, do not do stupid things", "You have so many prospects in your life, but you ruin everything", "There are still a lot of such beauties waiting for you, where are you in a hurry", "You deserve more" ... The authority of the parents, of course, is great, but do you need such a partner?
5. Indecision, cowardice. There are such always doubting men. And your relationship is smooth, and love reigns between you, but obsessive cockroaches in his head always tilt the scales in one direction or the other.
6. Previous sad experience. A man is so overcome by fears and doubts that he is simply not able to let serious feelings into himself.
7. Obsessive companion. A psychological defense called "resistance" is triggered here. Even if a guy loves, he does not want a serious relationship just because the girl is too assertive and demanding. “All my friends are already married”, “You promised to marry”, “Let's live together, otherwise I'll go to someone who appreciates me more.” They run from such annoying ladies without looking back, no one wants to be under the thumb.
8. Polygamy. Not to be confused with the pathological womanizer. Such a man, in principle, does not see the need for marriage. This is a sultan who has the right to be in an open relationship with whoever he wants (in fact, he may have one girl, but he knows how to indulge his pride).
9. A man feels like little boys next to a woman. If a woman plays the role of a mother, taking care of him at every step (put on gloves, go to bed, you cannot sausage, take care of your eyes), then the chances of a serious relationship are small. If, of course, the companion itself is infantile, then you will be the perfect couple.
10. The man understands that you do not pull on the role of a legal wife. There is something in you for a serious life (slow, absent-minded, ignoring his needs, lazy, dependent on external factors, have different interests, plans for the future). Believe me, this is even for the best, otherwise you will both suffer.
11. Self-interest. He lives entirely at your expense: housing, recreation, shopping, going to restaurants, etc. Why not marry? But the main thing is not there. Where is Love?
12. A woman suppresses her companion, treats him dismissively (makes him do his homework, jokes about him in front of friends, ignores his requests, in any conflict, puts ultimatums). Who wants to become the half of a domineering companion? And why do you need a man who is obviously weaker than you?
13. Fear of feelings. This applies to inexperienced guys who are afraid of their strong feelings. This also happens, all that is required of you is to give him time to collect his thoughts.

There is another rational reason why a man does not seek to build a serious relationship now. These are material and everyday difficulties. The partner may feel ashamed or embarrassed by not being able to provide for his partner at the moment. This is normal, even correct, because he is ready to take responsibility for your presence in his life!

The main advice is to look at things soberly. If a man is simply dismissive of you, do not look for psychological reasons in his behavior, they are not there.

If a man doesn't want a serious relationship, why doesn't he let go

This is a kind of situation: I won't eat it myself, and I won't give it to another. Such men are real egoists who behave exactly as they want, while keeping the woman in the dark and false hopes. Usually these are excellent manipulators - a guy may not call for a week, and then he will crumble in love confessions.

Why doesn't a man let go of his chosen one, despite the fact that he does not want a serious relationship with her? Let's not consider the option of a married man - with this, everything is clear. He appreciates you as an additional link, the main one is always the wife, no matter what tales they feed you (we will divorce soon, I love only you, we live as neighbors, I am with her for the sake of the children). These songs are always the same, believe me. Only on rare occasions does a mistress occupy that coveted main post. Why won't you let go? Why? You raise his self-esteem, he breathes with you, he feels wanted, needed. A man fills the void that has formed with his legal wife. And that's all.

Apart from this, the most common reason is convenience. You have common interests, you will always wait for him, feed him, hug him, pet him. You are constantly available - they come to you when they want and any behavior is accepted without question. When a man gets used to this, it makes no sense to count on a more serious attitude towards himself. Letting go of such a woman is a sin - who else will treat him so unforgettably.

There is a second common option: a man loves his companion, but refuses to build a serious relationship because of the nature (habits, behavior) of his beloved. If there is something in you that stops him, he will hope to the last for your correction. Are you too hot-tempered or sullen? Or refuse to cook dinners? Do you have 4 cats and is he allergic? Do you spend more time with your friends than him? Think about it.

You can keep a woman near you for a number of other reasons:

• a man is simply afraid of being alone (category 35+);
• he is fixated on himself, and comes to his companion only for fresh praise, a portion of love, recognition, clean socks or favorite borscht;
• he is flattered by this turn of events;
• confused in your feelings;
• has two women in mind, and each of them complements each other in qualities and skills.

If a guy does not want a serious relationship, but does not want to part at the same time, this is a dangerous trap for women. The sly man does not just keep his companion, he shows her his interest in every possible way. She buys gifts for her, is jealous of her, takes care of her, gets angry. With his sudden attacks, he makes it clear how dear she is to him, pulling her by an invisible thread in situations convenient for him. But at the first opportunity it leaves! Such a relationship lasts as long as the woman will allow it.

Man after divorce

Divorce is a great shock for men. It doesn't matter for what reasons and on whose initiative it happened, the representatives of the stronger sex experience it painfully. If a woman can express her emotions to relatives, in intimate gatherings with her friends, in her own transformation, then a man often closes in and even climbs into a bottle. Such untapped trauma remains in the soul for a long time, leaving an imprint on further behavior.

A man is not ready for a serious relationship after a divorce for several reasons.

First, too little time has passed since the breakup. And if the divorce was difficult (division of property, insults, court, tears of children), then fresh wounds purely morally push a man away from a serious relationship. He resists, fears, rejects, doubts, does not trust the opposite sex. This will last until the unpleasant memories are erased. If, moreover, the man still loves the former, the current one will lose to her on all fronts. Only his wife knew how much sugar he needed in tea, what was his favorite tie color, what to serve after a hard day at work.

The second situation is that too much time has passed since the divorce. This case is more serious, because the man has already fallen in love with his free status. He controls himself - he eats, sleeps, plays at the computer, drinks beer as much as he wants. The lone wolf does not intend to change anything in his position, and he perceives any conversations on serious topics too sharply. He defends his freedom and will stop any attempts to encroach on it. Here, a serious conversation is imperative, because an inveterate bachelor is sincerely surprised at what weighs you down in such a wonderful, stable relationship.

There is another option that the man does not trust his partner. Especially if his ex-wife betrayed him. Or the previous marriage was so unsuccessful that it introduced serious destructive attitudes:

• whatever you do for your wife - there will be no gratitude, response, praise, respect, support;
• the woman constantly yells, she is unhappy with everything, angry, disheveled, unkempt;
• all women become indifferent after a year of marriage;
• in the family they only know what to demand, reproach, cry, suffer;
• living together is a complete inconvenience, a violation of personal space.

Only a truly loving, devoted and patient woman can help him overcome psychological difficulties. Such positions in life have become stronger every year, so do not hope to fix this in a short time.

If you really want a serious relationship with a man, but past sad experience greatly interferes, seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will help your chosen one rethink values \u200b\u200band let go of past grievances in order to take a step towards happiness.

If a man is afraid of a serious relationship

Fears in adults are not formed from scratch. If a guy does not want a relationship only out of personal fears and doubts, then you have every chance to build a harmonious union. It just takes time.

So, if a girl is sure that love lives between them, but for some reason the young man is afraid to step forward, she needs to prove that they can be happy together. Prove not in word, but in deed, behavior, attitude. There are several recommendations from psychologists on this score.

The first and main step is to make it clear to him that you are a mature ally. There is a category of girls who throw tantrums, scandals, cry, take offense at trifles for any reason. This behavior is insanely frustrating and repulsive to the male gender. Ladies mistakenly exalt themselves to the rank of bitches, but with such individuals the fears of marrying are only exacerbated. Try to moderate your ardor. Passion is great, but let go of the drama. Try to become a good friend for your partner, with whom he should develop mutual understanding and trust. Then you can calmly articulate further relationships and existing fears. To speak and decide, of course.

The second step is to be a mature ally, but a defenseless woman. Trust me, it's compatible. Start to need your man. Let him take care, take care of you, give you positive emotions. However, without whims and pointers, what and how to do! He's in charge, so give him the steering wheel. But for this to be so, you first need to learn to please and surprise your partner. Start, he will be pleased, and he will definitely reciprocate.

The third step is to develop yourself constantly. A man is afraid not only of loud, hysterical women, but also of stupid ones. Your task is to be always interesting and exciting. The guy needs to see how original personality is in front of him. Then he will be completely absorbed in you, and will never want to let you go.

The last step is no prohibitions. A young man who does not want a serious relationship is afraid of losing his freedom. Show him the opposite! Let your man do what he likes. Let him go fishing, get out with friends to the bar, fiddle with his motorcycle on Saturdays. The main thing is not to sit at home at this moment and do not harass yourself in vain, otherwise a scandal is guaranteed. Keep yourself occupied with something interesting, let the fourth step remind you of it. Learn to trust him, because if the girl is still sure that her partner will run to the left, why are they together?

This only works when fear is the reason for unwillingness to enter into a serious relationship. Then, step by step, you will cross the coveted finish line.

How to behave a woman

The beloved man said that he does not want a serious relationship, but wants ease and communication without obligations ... Well, at least he said - at least your further behavior will be meaningful.

Yes, it's bold, frankly, but how to react to such words? How to behave and are such statements normal? Such phrases are unpleasant, but acceptable in a relationship, because you are immediately shown cards. Your job is to figure out what to do with these cards.

The first step is to have a serious conversation on this topic. Find out - does not want to at all or right now? If it's now, limit the time frame. For example: let's meet (live) for 3 months, if nothing changes, we will have to leave. So the companion makes it clear that she refuses to waste time. This strategy is perfect for those situations if the couple already lives in the same territory or the chosen one is too young in age.

If your companion is repulsed by your behavior, find out what exactly makes him nervous. As soon as a woman rationally approaches this issue and begins to change, the man's attitude towards her will change. He will see that you are interested in him, appreciate him, value him, and this is the main thing.

If the chosen one is with you due to the lack of another woman, tell me honestly that you are ready to become his faithful and devoted companion, but in the case of a normal relationship. Do not allow yourself to be used. This will make him look at you with different eyes. Believe me, after that, respect for you will grow by 200%.

If a man ignores a serious relationship because he is fixated on himself, either accept him as such, be a shadow and a faithful companion, or become like him. Just match the queen look.

If you are just an indecisive man - know that it will be like this all your life. Talking is unnecessary, you just have to take matters into your own hands. Write a statement to the registry office, buy him a suit, choose a place of rest. Exaggerated, but honest.

Do you need to talk and work on relationships in all cases? There are times when you need to run without looking back. These are situations when a man is guided by selfish motives, if he is a typical womanizer or neurotic personality. Believe me, in these cases, the chances of a serious relationship are zero.

What action to take

So, a man wants a relationship without commitment. Whatever the woman says, and no matter how hard she tries to keep her face, it hits below the belt.

What to do, what actions to take so as not to bite your elbows later? Before you make the final decision, remember that this is only your life, so any step for you will be correct a priori!

All a woman can do in such a delicate situation is:

• try to revitalize (stir up) the relationship;
• take the same position as a man;
• break a hopeless romance.

We will not consider the second point seriously, since it is a knowingly losing position. All that a woman will achieve is to throw off a heavy burden of responsibility from a man, making his life even more beautiful. And she herself will suffer from this - this is how psychology works.

How to liven up a relationship

Revitalizing a relationship is a great job. It should be carried out only if love really reigns between people. Therefore, recognize in time what it is: fear of entering into a serious relationship or unwillingness? If a man avoids spending time with you, becomes cold in bed, gets angry, scandalizes and argues for no reason, has become secretive, then you, alas, are dealing with indifference. Then it will be a completely different story.

If the relationship just froze in place, be patient. Patience is the most basic quality that comes in handy now. You must become wise, which means patient, malleable, sexy, sincere, all-forgiving, faithful and stable.

The first thing to understand is that it is impossible to remake a grown man. You can adjust his attitude to something, but nothing more. Therefore, no reproaches - it hits his self-esteem. Praise, admire, support. Let him understand that he needs you. You are a ray of light, without which it is still dark for him.

Become emotionally independent of him. You will regret, hug, praise, but excuse me, get up early tomorrow and you have to go to bed. How can you do this to him - the center of your universe? Well, like that, you are a planet in itself. Then the man will want to get close to you so as not to let you slip away.

Agree with him more often. Smile playfully and agree. This will add a healthy note of interest and puzzlement. Only let it be in adequate situations, otherwise a violent scandal is inevitable.

And of course, always surprise him. Be unpredictable in a positive way: in sex, behavior, reactions, words, gestures. Let him want to recognize you. Being interested in you is the final step towards a serious relationship.

How to end a hopeless relationship

Understand that depressing relationships are maintained only by codependents. And codependent people are not able to give happiness to others, nor to be happy themselves. They don't like you, but they don't let you go either, which means it's time to leave yourself.

How to come to this?

• understand that a happy union does not depend on only one person, and you have done everything you could in this relationship;
• a harmonious union is built only on love, and not on fears of being alone;
• a sick relationship cannot be cured, even if you want to do it with all your heart;
• realize that by becoming freer, you will find true happiness, because what is called happiness now is a surrogate;
• deciding to leave, do it without negative emotions - only indifference can break the vicious circle.

The man does not want a relationship, but wants to continue to communicate? No and no again! What for? To walk in a vicious circle again? This is a "fit" relationship that will never grow into something more. They said how they cut it off! Get angry with yourself in the end! You only have one life to spend on the one who will one day leave for another without a twinge of conscience. And you? And you were warned that it will be so!

So tell me you met another. Like a butt on the head, yes! If you try to be polite, babysit and quietly say that you just went your separate ways - nothing will work! He will persuade, build a victim or be offended, which will only cause you to feel guilty. Persuasions, pleas, calls, SMS, courtship (believe me, they are temporary), empty promises are in the past.

To think less and to be sad, psychologists suggest giving yourself up to activities that are beneficial. Sports, work, study, get-togethers with friends, general cleaning of the house, a visit to parents, a long-awaited trip, etc. Make a list of the disadvantages of a bad partner - in times of despair, look there to make sure your decision is correct.

Then we begin to love ourselves. We paint our lips, smile at others, put on our favorite outfits! We open our eyes wider, now your gaze suggests that you are a free girl. You live the way you want, meet those with whom you want, breathe deeply. No one else pulls you on a short leash, no one manipulates your behavior and mood. Do you smell the magic? This is how freedom smells!

Psychologists say - if a guy does not want a serious relationship with a girl, most likely this is not the last chosen one in his life. Usually men dig the earth with their hands until they achieve that the desired woman completely belongs to him. If they infantilely declare that they want a free relationship, it means that they want it with you. Accept it or not - it's up to the woman to decide. You can try, but it is unlikely that anyone will bring pleasure and happiness. Do not drag yourself into a quagmire of tears, longing and eternal waiting. Look at yourself - you are definitely worthy of full love. Let in your life there will be only the one who needs you like air! Be happy!

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